Thread 46 - GCSE Covid Cohort , Searching for Summer Solstice

[OrangeCinnamonLatte]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.

Previous Thread

Sorry to hear that @Stillgoings I hope things work out for him whatever he decides to do next.

@Stillgoings I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for your DS. Hopefully he will find another way forward which fits better.

So glad our Nottingham students are ok, but so sad for the families of the dead and injured. It’s the next City along from ours and we know it well. Difficult day today with an old, sick dog. He’s got some clearly worrying digestive issue with vomit and black tarry stools, but he’s also losing the use of his back legs and beginning to be incontinent. Nasty combination. I was quite surprised to bring him home from the vets, and still not sure that it was right to. Trying to balance keeping him pain free and comfortable with not trying to turn back time, he’s nearly 14.
Dd was massively helpful with the mess and then wanted to come to the vet appointment. I made her go to her voluntary work instead. She thinks she can cope with emotional stuff, but often she gets quite overwhelmed by it. I didn't want her to see me cry. And I did cry. But I didn’t suggest euthanasia because I knew she would kick off about not being allowed to come and say goodbye. He’s my dog, not hers, she does nothing but complain about his bad breath, and it’s him I needed to consider. I have this frustrating sense that I am never not going to put her needs in front of everyone else’s. Bleurgh

@Zebracat sorry to hear about your dog.
It's so difficult to know the right time isn't it? We're in a similar situation here. With a dog with stage 3 kidney failure for the last 12 months who's piddling everywhere. I'm worried he will get really ill when we're on holiday & think we've abandoned him 😥 He's my eldest DD'S dog & she's just qualified as a vet. So any decision as to what to do will be out of my hands, otherwise she will never forgive me. But the others are all going on holiday for 5 weeks & I'm staying at home babysitting the dog for 3 of them.
@Stillgoings I'm sorry to hear your news. Does your ds have an idea of what he wants to do next? Many of ds's friends have found uni isn't for them too.
Ds has obtained his temporary medical discharge & will return to uni in February much to mine & his relief.
Now he has to find a job as he's feeling a lot better.

@Stillgoings
Sorry to hear that. Please let us help you and support you. Pour your heart out. Many other posters have dc who also have found that Uni isn't for them for one reason or another.

I haven’t been on for ages but the Nottingham gangs have been on my mind so just checking in and sending hugs to all. @Stillgoings - sorry to hear it’s been a tough time for your Ds, and @Zebracat - sorry to hear about your poor pup too - hope you are managing.
Ds is exhausted and a bit out of energy, and I suspect should pop home but he’s determined to try and stick out a few days and see people - I may do a dash to pick him up Friday though…

I’ve just been watching the poor families of the Nottingham victims speaking at the vigil & it’s absolutely heartbreaking. They are being so thoughtful & gracious. I always feel it when it is a medical student who dies. They worked so hard to get their place & had so much to give to society. But of course they were all special people who will be mourned.

Same, the videos of the two dads broke me. The pain, touched me. Not much touches me, that did.

I've really struggled watching those videos today. I just can't imagine what they are going through. The younger brothers 😢 I really need to give DS a hug.

So glad all our Nottingham lot are safe.

I have been having a break from the threads as things hadn’t been going great for DS. Things have been very tricky, having failed 3/5 semester 1 exams he then got behind in semester 2. With a lot of help from us (academically, emotionally and organisationally), he got nearly back on track but would have to have done amazingly in semester 2 exams not to have to resit all failed semester 1 exams and any semester 2 failures. We won’t know until late July, and that’s if the marking boycott doesn’t affect. So he will soon start studying the failed subjects as even if he doesn’t need to resit the exams he will need to learn the subjects in order to have a chance for next year. Resits are late August and we wouldn’t know the results of them until late September so all stressful. He definitely wants to continue next year, even though we did say there are other options. The first year has definitely been a shock and a learning curve.

We agreed a couple of weeks of total relaxation then starting studying again. It has been a stressful and emotionally draining time.

Sorry to read about those who struggled this year. A lot of us started off with this dream that they would go away to uni and love it. It's so not the case for everyone. It sounds as though everyone on here is so supportive of their child/care - I guess you wouldn't be on a MN thread about them if you weren't :-) I feel a bit cheated for my DD that she hasn't had the fantastic year that some have - and then the incident in Nottingham hit me hard. Those 2 students loved it at Nottingham, loved life and all it offered and then just gone. It's so heart breaking. My DD and some of our children on here may not have loved it, may have hated it but they are still with us so I know which I would choice.

I don't normally dwell too much on things that happen in the news, but I keep crying everytime I see those poor parents, talking so eloquently, thinking about other people, thanking everyone etc.

Here's to next next year being great for all of our children, whatever they are doing.

Sorry to hear about pets being poorly too. Our 10 yr old Springer had a cruciate ligament op last week. It's a flipping nightmare trying to keep him inactive!, He jumped up on the settee yesterday and we had to lift him down. This is when I've spent the last week making sure every chair/settee is covered by another chair/small table when we aren't sitting down. I literally stood up for 5 seconds and was walking towards a small table to put in my place and up she jumps.. Also have a cocker spaniel who we have to keep her away from so it's hard work making sure only 1 of them is in the room at the same time. Will be pleased when the staples come out on Monday as at least then the dreaded cone of shame can come off.

I'm off work yet again, this time with a chest infection. On 2nd lot of antibiotics and had to have an xray this week but have to wait 7-10 days for the results apparently. I assume thats because of the strikes but not sure. I just can't seem to get well enough to be able to fight off infections at the moment. Am low in Vitamin D so on a course - fingers crossed that helps.

DD worked with DH yesterday morning for 4 hours gardening! She said it was hard work but seemed to enjoy it, went to play tennis later and then the gym so I'm not worried about her fitness! She is off on holiday next week with school friends.

Really hope all your DDs/DSs have a great summer whatever they do.

And you of course. Hope you all get to go away at some point, we are off to Cornwall in August :-)

Thanks to everyone who commented about my DS. This is such a great supportive thread. I don't know how to start really. Basically he is suffering badly with exam anxiety and social anxiety and hasn't really enjoyed much of it. He has had 5 weekly exams and goes to pieces every exam week and wants to leave but the rest of the time says he is fine and seems quite happy. I think that could be because he has the freedom for nonstop gaming.

He wasn't ready to go being an august born and lacking in confidence anyway but it was a maths based course and the advice was to go. It didn't help that it was a joint honours at a uni where all first years also do a minor, so there were hundreds of people in lectures and he never really got to know who his cohort was. He also didn't join any clubs and though he is friendly with his flatmates they are not really doing anything together. He's reached out for a help a few times but it isn't easy to find and there doest seem to be any follow up. He asked to drop one of his subjects in march and do a single honor and that was agreed to and he signed up to a house for next year and we thought it might all end up ok but the school friend he was going to live with has left to do an apprenticeship and he has also lost confidence again in his subject following a bad project.

He was going to withdraw a few weeks ago but was advised to finish the year or have to pay back a good chunk of his loan. He has battled on and to his credit tried really hard but says he is still not going back. I have wondered whether that will change if he does well, he does seem to be on for a pass, but like 283 says with the marking ban we might not even find out in a timely manner exactly how he has done.

So there we go, a catalogue of errors. No plans at the moment other than to get him home and try and build him up and let him figure it all out.

Hope things go ok for your son 283. I am.finding this stage of parenting the hardest. I have one a couple of years younger who wants to party nonstop and then this one with the weight of the world on his shoulders and I wonder what happened to those easy happy Thomas the tank days!!!!

Wise words Heifer, you are absolutely spot on right. Hope Cornwall is wonderful, sounds like a good break is in order

There are many posters on this thread for whom Uni1st year dc it hasn't been the dreamy breeze!

Sorry to hear about the difficult year your sons have had @283nouveauxnoms
and @Stillgoings . University study isn't right for lots of people and for others, it's the living away from home that isn't right but they'd be fine commuting from home. My year 12 ds is adamant that he's not going to uni and I'm relieved as I don't think he'd manage the independent study (he'd be absolutely fine looking after himself!) - he's not really managing sixth form at the moment. There are other routes into adulthood.

Hope the summer will be a helpful time for your kids to reflect on what's best for them at this time in their lives. @heifer I feel sure your dd's second year will be better!

@Stillgoings if your son is likely to pass this year it seems such a shame to have wasted the year. One option is he may be able to take a leave of absence & go & do something else for up to a year. He can then return to year 2. Of course that only works if he wants to return to the course. An extra year of maturity may make all the difference.
Or he may just need time & space to contemplate uni life & whether it's for him or not. The first year in halls can be the absolute toughest & very lonely. Often living in shared houses is much more enjoyable. My eldest found that she had great fun over the subsequent 4 years of uni life after finding halls a little bleak.
I think you're right in saying the August birthday has had a big affect here. Likewise with Ds here with a late July birthday & a similar lack of confidence.

Thanks @Stillgoings I’m sorry to hear about your DS too. I am sure him being home with you being nurtured will help massively. With my DS we expected it to go like a breeze but combinations of first time away from home having to look after himself, illnesses then getting a bit behind then not being able to catch up so getting in a bigger hole to denial etc make it hard for them to comeback.

We believe we can get him into year two (DH did a similar degree and works in the field so can help academically with preparation for resits), we will only know how he will cope next year when it happens. He needs to make links locally and reach out for help when he needs it in order to survive. By Feb next year he’ll either be coping well or be leaving, I genuinely have no idea which.

This stage of parenting is hard. I have one a few years older that had years of issues but things have all come together now. He has a good well paying job with lots of travel and a long term girlfriend. All looks good, which is a relief after a few years of various difficulties a few years back.

Being back Thomas the Tank Engine!

Thanks @crazycrofter I definitely agree that uni isn’t for everyone. Older DS did an apprenticeship and would have hated uni. As I said in my previous post written before I saw yours, he now has a great well paying job so it’s definitely horses for courses.

DS needs to learn to realise when he has an issue and pause and seek help before it becomes a real issue. He has been hampered by illnesses this year but a big part of the problem has been sticking head in the sand rather than seeking help. I really don’t know how to get him to reach out. He knows how much it helped when he did eventually reach out to us and he finished uni in a lot better state than he was in at Easter. We have heavily explored whether uni is right (including options to live in the city with his girlfriend but work instead) and he thinks it is. He feels he can really enjoy it and said he enjoyed it when he was on top of things. DH and I have said that we’ll put all in to support him now then he has to start doing more for himself.

Of course, crap yr1 results will impact on his ability to find a placement too.

I haven’t seen the bereaved Nottingham parents, I was working all day yesterday and out in the evening, but heard the speech by the SU president at the vigil on the radio which moved me deeply.

@283nouveauxnoms I’m sorry things haven’t gone well for DS, very unsettling not knowing exactly what will happen next for him, hope it all works out. A couple of deep relaxation weeks sounds like a very good plan.

DS is working both days this weekend, and DD both afternoons, it will be quiet. DS’s job is normally weekdays only but they are running an event on site this weekend. He played hockey earlier in the week and has got an interview for a Saturday job at a garden centre next weekend, so despite the work being physically hard he seems to have plenty of energy still. Eating me out of house and home.

I drove past Alresford the other day. How I remember....Happy days on the Thomas the Tank Watercress line. 🚂 Can't we go back to that instead of 2023 Nottingham stabbings 🔪 of 2 x 19 year olds.

FFS

@Cantonet &@Stillgoings another agreeing that late summer birthdays are an issue. I think for the covid cohort especially they missed out on a lot of social growing up. I think combined with illness, a late July birthday didn't help DD. She seems to have matured a lot since she suspended her studies at Christmas - made new friends independently and got a job. She now seems really excited to return in September. I hope your two find a route that works for them.

My older DS went off to uni at the height of the pandemic and seemed settled straightaway - hasn't seemed to have a problem at all. I really wasn't prepared for the stress of having to deal with DDs issues. It really is hard.

@Seeline I'm so glad it's all worked out for your DD. I wish I hadn't sent ds to uni this year as he just wasn't ready. DS is taking a break & resuming the first year in February. So hopefully like your DD he can have a good few months of breathing space & earn some money.
@Heifer your poor doggy & poor you.
You sound very run down & trying to keep the two dogs apart sounds tricky.
There was a big Hairy maclary dog in the vets yesterday. He kept on trying to give his owners hugs & wrapping his paws around his neck. Apparently he jumps into bed with him when he's asleep & the owner turned over in bed the other day and was biffed by the lantern. He woke up abruptly thinking his wife had come back to haunt him 😂🤣

@Oblomov23 you must have come close to us then, I can see the WL trains from my window. I miss some of those childhood things too.

@heifer I just cried reading your post. I cried this morning when I had a similar conversation with DS. I cry every time the pictures of those beautiful students appear on my screen. They were both living life to the full, grasping everything Nottingham has to offer. It's heartbreaking that it has been taken away from them and their families. It makes me so sad that DS hasn't been able to throw himself into uni life and have the joy in his face that Barney and Grace had. But, he has the opportunity to change things, to carry on improving his MH and becoming the happy and determined boy he once was.

Right, I need to stop crying again. DD has just finished her last A Level exam and needs collecting from the pub.