Does any over 50s feel like this?

[ssd]

I guess im just tired. Not physically, im fine that way. But more mentally.
Im tired with bothering about the house, the housework, the food shopping, whats for dinner etcetera.
Ive done all the bothering for years and i guess im out of bother!!
I was reading the threads about what are you up to today and i love them, but its mainly thinking about what to cook for the family and sorting stuff out. Maybe they are all younger than me. My kids are grown but one still at home. He can cook but im aware theres veg needs turning into soup lying in the fridge and chicken needing used and frankly i cant be arsed.
Id eat toast for the rest of my life and it wouldn't bother me.
And dh can see to himself.
I once read on here about a poster saying she'd like to just be an old car sitting at the window staring out.
That's exactly how i feel.
My enjoyment at keeping house has gone.
Anyone else?

My first grandchild arrived on the scene last year. I’ve been feeling very deprived that I live at the other end of the country so am missing out. Maybe I’ve got a good deal. Daughter in laws parents are going to be roped into a lot and maybe some distance might be a bonus.

Same here. Our youngest is 16, there’s a big gap between him and the other 2 DC who could easily be having children in the next few years. The thought of waving the last one off to Uni or work only to be greeted by grandchildren and babysitting duties isn’t filling me with joy at the moment - I feel like I need a break from it all to gather my thoughts and have a good rest (ha ha, with f/t work that’s not going to happen for another 5 years!) before I start on the next lot of family demands. DH have plans to buy a camper van, load the dog into it, drive to Europe and go wherever the mood takes us - that’s what I’m holding out for! Grandchildren will be lovely but not for a few years yet.

That to @ssd

A campervan is an absolute dream here. Just to get up and go.

I have told my kids not to have grandkids given the state of the world.

Besides, they say they won't be able to afford them. And I agree!

@Giggorata good to know there is a corner to be turned at some point.

My sister and I were joking yesterday trying to come up with a single visual image that sums up years of parenting teens and getting them settled at uni and we eventually described it as:

~being left in the burned out ruin of a church: everything is charred and blackened from the fire that’s passed through, some parts are still steaming, and there are puddles of water on the floor from attempts to put out flames, and we are sitting quite still among the smoke and chaos, perfectly calm but with nothing left to give, staring up at the hole in the vaulted roof, watching flocks of birds fly past silhouetted against the blue sky.

We were on our third glass of wine at the time 😂😂😂

100% yes. I'm nearly 51, DC have flown the nest, I work full time in a job which I'm 'meh' about but pays reasonably well for the area I live in. Can't afford to retrain. I've got no enthusiasm for anything at all. I can't even take HRT, thanks bastard cancer. I, too, would like to be a cat.

Oh yes!!

That's a perfect image @MinMindthegapagain778

I'm so glad this thread resonates with so many of us. We're perfectly normal! Next time i read a thread from a young mum complaining about the lack of involvement from her mum or MIL, I'll need to sit on my hands, but I'm seeing it all in a different light now.

Exactly, OP, it has put a whole new spin on the ‘not wanting to do weekly childcare for grandkids’ I used to think ‘what’s wrong with them’ now I see it from the other side and gave huge quantities of empathy!

I don't think I ever thought 'what's wrong with them' as my mum and MIL have always been very clear they are not available for regular childcare (indeed my MIL only stopped work a couple of years ago in her mid-70s). I will absolutely not be providing this should the question arise, DH might be a bit more inclined as he is a SAHD of sorts, but he's on his own!

You MUST read Hags:the demonisation of middle aged women - by Victoria Smith. Released a couple of days ago.

sums up middle aged ignored women perfectly, one fantastic line of many “the feeling of having been fucked then ghosted by life itself”

Years of drudgery take their toll. The endless wifework and mind numbing tasks of child rearing. Unpaid unseen work that isn’t valued - no wonder there are no more fucks to be given.

I for one won’t be putting my hand up to care for anyone any more - I’m upping my working hours and living life for me. Kind of like a man does.

Atm not thrilled about the prospect of grandchildren, just feel like it would be a load of 18 yrs at least stress, albeit of the vicarious type..which would actually be worse. God I sound bleak.
DD 21 is well on her way with knowing what she wants in life, DS 23 yrs is another kettle of fish. Come the day he matures enough to get his act together more I will be dancing a jig down the street.

Found my tribe - I stopped cooking and baking when my youngest DC was at sixth form, DH took over. I am happy not to bother about food unless I am out.

I have a demanding but fulfilling job at a senior level. This takes up a lot of my energy. So some weekends I just want to do very little.

I can't take HRT cos I have history of breast cancer.

Being ignored suits me fine. I don't want to be noticed, too much like hard work. Strangers ignoring me is fine. My friends and closest family don't ignore me. I'm not on any crusade, i just want to read my book in peace. Preferably with a cup of tea.

I'm so with you on the being ignored @ssd .

I used to think my cardigan of invisibility would protect me, but now people are noticing a middle aged vagina owner who could be supporting/listening/doing something for them, so I appear to be noticeable once more. Oh well I guess no one is staring at my boobs this time round.

God yeah - the number of men only slightly younger than me who offload on me like I’m their mum. Only to be surpassed by the men 10-15 years older who try to hit on me. Feck off the lot of you!

I have this on my list. To be fair, DH who has a really horrible job is also totally exhausted. I have wifework. He has work work. Both of us are fed up.

He was meant to retire this year at 54, but certain circumstances mean he will have to go on for another 3 years. We then plan to retire from our respective domains.

I love you all. 57 here, but with a 13yo DS who won’t be gone for aaaaaaages. Have never had much enthusiasm for domestic drudgery, but now even that has evaporated.

Caitlin Moran was on the money about hormones. Menopausal women are so often seen as ‘going a bit mad’ (ie giving no fucks) but in fact we’ve gone sane. Without the dog of oestrogen making us all caring and soppy, the scales fall from our eyes and we’re like ‘I’M SORRY WHAT?? NO. FUCK OFF. AND YOU. AND TAKE THAT PENIS OUT OF KY SIGHT’.

*Fog of oestrogen, obvs. Though maybe the dog of oestrogen could join the cat looking out of the window.

I am so over being the support human for every other fucker in my family.
I'm 54, should probably be in HRT but can't be arsed to jump through the hoops to get a GP appointment, I have a very good full-time job, but WFH a couple of days a week makes everyone think I'm available ALL THE TIME to do their shit.
DH is self-employed and therefore never at home (until dinner time - he always manages to be around for me to put a meal on the table).
DD is about to do A-Levels - we bought her a car for her 18th but she's too busy getting pissed up and hanging out with her latest boyfriend to practice for her imminent test. And after all the help I gave her for Uni applications has decided to take a gap year.
DS is in Y10 and will probably fail most of his mocks after Easter, and I am fed up with pestering him to do homework and revision, so I've told him I'm not doing it anymore and the consequences will be his, not mine.
I was quite unwell with COVID recently, but apart from being asked "are you still ill?" about 3 days in, I didn't get a single bloody lemsip or cup of tea made for me, and still managed to do all of the washing, cleaning, cooking and taxiing about.

And the endless cooking - trying to please everyone when they all hate different things. I think of it all, plan the meals, shop for the meals, cook the meals - I'm sick of it. I really could live on salad and sardines, or beans on toast, or jacket potatoes, but no ... that's not a proper meal, but if I ask for ideas I get "don't mind". It's relentless.

Sorry - that was long...

Me too! I spent years cooking & organizing & then they were all away or at uni & suddenly it was just me & DH. Then along came Covid & I spent 2 years cooking for 6 people a lot of the time. Now they've all gone again. Unfortunately DH has cancer & can't eat, & so I just eat whatever I fancy. It blows my mind when the holidays come along & I have to think about what to feed them all again, or if we have visitors. I'm just done after 30 years of it!

We have the gc two days a week (more if one isn't well enough for nursery) it's not too bad. It is a bit restrictive but OH loves having ghem around and it is nice hearing them play, wears them out, he always has seemed like a big kid himself.

I feel really bad now. My op wasn't to suggest dh and dc do nothing. They do plenty and never expect anything. And my boys are so bloody nice and decent, they are both just men you'd be glad your daughters met. So i feel bad like I'm moaning about them. I'm really not, I'm moaning about myself and my expectations of what i feel i should be doing and how i can't be arsed anymore. I know the house will still be standing whether i clean it or not. I don't know why i bother. I just wanted to say that as i feel it might have come across like I'm unhappy with dh or the dcs. They are all I've got and I'm really not. Im not sure what im trying to say really. Just feel the threads getting a wee bit anti men and I'm soooo not.