Does any over 50s feel like this?

[ssd]

I guess im just tired. Not physically, im fine that way. But more mentally.
Im tired with bothering about the house, the housework, the food shopping, whats for dinner etcetera.
Ive done all the bothering for years and i guess im out of bother!!
I was reading the threads about what are you up to today and i love them, but its mainly thinking about what to cook for the family and sorting stuff out. Maybe they are all younger than me. My kids are grown but one still at home. He can cook but im aware theres veg needs turning into soup lying in the fridge and chicken needing used and frankly i cant be arsed.
Id eat toast for the rest of my life and it wouldn't bother me.
And dh can see to himself.
I once read on here about a poster saying she'd like to just be an old car sitting at the window staring out.
That's exactly how i feel.
My enjoyment at keeping house has gone.
Anyone else?

I could happily live on Covent Garden soup and bread rolls for the rest of my life. Bags of carrot sticks and salad in the fridge. Baked beans on toast for something fancier. Pizza deliveries if I could be bothered with the online ordering.

Yesterday I was out with a friend and her 19 year old DS phoned to ask what he should have for lunch. He was given very short shrift and told that he could either use his brain or buy a takeaway from his wages.

I’ve often thought that this would be a brilliant business idea! I’d buy a huge swathe of land, build lots of cottages that are remote enough from each other than you can’t see them and then I’d build a cosy community centre with a dog friendly cafe, library and nice crafts where you can go to meet other fucked-off women when you want a bit of company.

I'm definitely not looking forward to ds going off to uni in September but one of the compensations is going to be just saying fuck it to meal planning and cooking. During the first lockdown I was still working in an intense full-time job at home and found myself making lunch for two other people every day as well as myself. Well that went bye bye pronto, ds makes lunch for him and DH and I just do my own. DH is chronically ill and has limited mobility so I dunno what's going to happen with his lunch once ds has gone but at the moment I think he's going to have to make his own.

Along with doing everything in this house, I've been managing the flat we used to live in and which DH doesn't want to sell (well, dealing with the management company, they deal with the tenants). I've already told him I won't carry on doing this once I retire but inspired by this thread I'm thinking about pulling that deadline forward. I am absolutely sick of being the breadwinner, the parent and the carer and whilst I can't change all of that, I'm going to change what I can.

Sometimes.

Turned 50 last year, both children adults, one still at home. I taught both kids (and DH) to cook well, so I always have someone who can pick up the slack if I can’t. Maybe they don’t see the limp veg & think, “What can I make with this so it doesn’t go to waste?” As much as I do.

But just as the kids were off flying free (even if still at home), down came the ‘looking after elderly parents’ yoke.

Dad first; within a week of his death last year Mum started on the ‘nobody cares about me’ schtick. Divorced for decades, but due to previous behaviours (like, 50 years of experience with her by then) we forecast this would happen. And lo, we weren’t bloody wrong.

Morning & evenings are bookended by doing her cooking, cleaning, medications. There’s no medical or physical reason why she can’t do these things for herself, she just stopped. Finally she allowed us to get her GP involved (depression, diagnosed by all of us, easy to recognise the signs for years since our childhoods have left us with our own mental issues like depression, cPTSD, even schizophrenia). GP told her to get up, move more & stop thinking I’m the universal saviour of her life. It’s been 10 days on sertraline so far, hoping it helps.

Not that she cares, or even asks about our own well-being (I have a disability myself, but of course, it’s never as bad as her (minor) arthritis) despite the opiates & pregabalin I have to neck to do her welfare visits, to give her paracetamol for her knees. But then, there never has been.

Fuck me, some days it’s fucking bleak.

I do a meal plan for the week based on the preferences of who is currently in the family home, I check the fridge and cupboards for what we have and write the shopping list of what we need.

I have now done this for more than 1000 weeks. I lost any motivation, interest or inclination approximately 600 weeks ago

This, exactly this.

It's not that I'm lazy about food, per se, it's other people's fucking faff.

I'm on my own and just made myself a plate of eggs. Just that, no fuss, took about 1 minute. If there were other people here I'd probably stupidly say, 'I'm making eggs, does anyone want any?'

And then the following would transpire.

What are you having with them? Nothing, why?
Oh I thought you might be doing toast. No
I fancy some toast, hang on I'll just do some. Well I want to cook the eggs now
[DP/DSS scrats around in the bread bin.]
Is this all the bread we've got? Yes
Have we got Lurpak? <sighs> Yes, as ever we have the fake Lurpak in the fridge
Shall we have coffee? Or do you want tea? I just want some fucking eggs
How are you cooking them? Scrambled
Have we got tomato ketchup for that? Yes
And you don't want any toast? Are you sure? Right now I want to eat some fucking scrambled eggs and eat them out of the pan and you can cook your own when you've finished faffing
Oh. I was only trying to help. <sighs again>

Be careful what you wish for people. I'm nearly 54 with a 14 yo still at home. DH had a heart attack 5 weeks ago and almost died. I'm glad to still have a family to moan about!
However it has focused both of us on retiring as soon as we possibly can and doing exactly what we want.

Btw, we’ve gone through the carer loop, but she ‘doesn’t like strangers’ so we’re back to square one. Likewise she’s lonely but refuses to engage with befriending services.

I couldn’t dream of being like this to my own adult kids. I haven’t saddled them with the FOG.

Put me down for one !

I'm thinking of downsizing to a city centre apartment or townhouse with no maintenance or gardening or space for clutter. By the time the dc are grown everything needs re-doing and looks shabby. The garden was great when the kids were small but I dont think anyone but me went in it last year. I dont need to be near good schools. I bet I dont need 90% of what is in the loft or shed. My parents still live in a family sized house and some of the rooms only get used at Christmas and they dont like to drive now so have to bus or taxi everywhere. We should move back into city centres in our 50's/60's and walk to museums and theatres or have somewhere we can lock up and leave and go travelling. We need French style concierge apartments with lovely views. Remote cottages are no good when you need to be near a hospital in old age.

If you leave the veg in the fridge a bit longer it turns itself into soup.

Yep. Aged 52, youngest left the nest last year. I'd happily never cook a meal again as long as I live.

I'm also 52, well, 51 and 3/4, six adult children, three still at home (one just moved back the day before yesterday) and chronically ill dh, who can't really manage cooking anymore. He was just reminiscing earlier about when I used to make cakes and puddings. I said, you sit there and have your dinner put in front of you every night like a bloody king, be glad of that, never mind puddings!

He knows not how close he is to getting dairylea on toast. 😂

You are in - and you get first dibs on the cottages!

Me too!

@MuseThrower I did exactly this. I was 46 and ive never been happier (im 50 now) No interest in re-training though. My days consist of reading, box set watching, general pottering and meeting friends/family for coffee occasionally. Neither of my 2 children live at home and my DH pretty much does the same as me although he is a lot more socialable so spends quite a few evenings out with mates in the pub or at football etc. Absolutely no regrets here.

Yes felt like this before I started hrt. Just was deflated and had no energy and sick of doing anything housework related and like you would have lived on toast. I am 53 but still have periods so am on oestrogel daily 2 pumps to arm and utrogesterone 2weeks on and 2 weeks off. Did start on the gel but it stopped working few months in as sometimes need to tweak the hrt. Please go to doctor and insist on hrt if that is what you want as it will help you loads. My energy so much better, brain fog gone and hot flushes and the general feeling of doom and gloom. Look after yourself and see the doctor and hope things improve. When you are in perimenopause the caring and nurturing goes and just feel can't be arsed with it all.

100% the same here. Can't be arsed with anything much, slightly more energy in the morning! Have two adult DDs with special needs - one severely disabled and incontinent, so I am still changing nappies and dealing with toddler behaviour after 24 years. Exhausted with it all!! Can't take HRT due to heart issues.

To Summerwillow that sounds really tough going for you. Do you have anyone to help out or to give you a break now and again. I hope so as we all need a little bit of time for ourselves. Best of luck and you are doing a great job.

Meant to say my son 22 lives at home but would be lost without him here even though we do our own thing we get on great and even though at times he drives me mad would have it no other way.

Please can I do that too? 4 months to go!!! 🙂🙂🙂

Yes I’ve had enough but please pray for me because just as my youngest finishes his A levels I’m moving in with DM😫. However, she feels the same way about cooking so I still plan on doing as little as possible.

This is what I want: to have a small cottage in a village on a hill. I want a room with huge windows that look out over a beautiful landscape and a garden full of birds. I would sit there for most of the day, drinking tea and staring out. I’d go out for dog walks and meet friends in cafes. And I’d potter about in book shops. Then I’d sleep next to an open window and listen to owls hooting.

@RemoteControlDoobry do you fancy a roommate because that sounds perfect

I remember Ed Balls saying his wife Yvette Cooper retired from cooking immediately after their first child was born. Very sensible.

I am in my seventies and have been cooking for 50 plus years. I don't enjoy it and we have different tastes, so half the meals I cook each week I don't enjoy.

If I am ever a widow I shall never cook again. Sandwiches and posh ready meals. Heaven.

You’re in too!