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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Does any over 50s feel like this?

209 replies

ssd · 12/02/2023 10:28

I guess im just tired. Not physically, im fine that way. But more mentally.
Im tired with bothering about the house, the housework, the food shopping, whats for dinner etcetera.
Ive done all the bothering for years and i guess im out of bother!!
I was reading the threads about what are you up to today and i love them, but its mainly thinking about what to cook for the family and sorting stuff out. Maybe they are all younger than me. My kids are grown but one still at home. He can cook but im aware theres veg needs turning into soup lying in the fridge and chicken needing used and frankly i cant be arsed.
Id eat toast for the rest of my life and it wouldn't bother me.
And dh can see to himself.
I once read on here about a poster saying she'd like to just be an old car sitting at the window staring out.
That's exactly how i feel.
My enjoyment at keeping house has gone.
Anyone else?

OP posts:
vjg13 · 24/02/2023 09:05

lovemypuppa · 23/02/2023 21:43

Totally. Kids now at Uni/left Uni so I'm alone most of the time. I have discovered since lockdown, that I'm excellent at a 'party for one' which I thoroughly enjoy - a glass or two of wine, crisps, nuts and a sandwich, either watching crap telly or in bed if I so desire. Also have 'duvet hours' whenever I feel like it. No guilt. Zilch.

Definitely going to replicate "party for one" with nice snacks. Drinking wine is out at the moment, thank you menopause! I've ordered some cans of kombucha to try so that I have a special drink
I am trying to channel my remaining energy into things I like doing, I just booked a Matthew Bourne ballet and am on the look out for other me stuff.

Lentilweaver · 24/02/2023 09:39

Has anybody gone my way: ie I really want to meet other people and get out more, but I am pretty sick of my family ( probably because they keep asking me for clean socks). I only want to meet people who don't need anything from me.

I am also booking that Matthew Bourne ballet @vjg13:)

Netcam · 24/02/2023 10:25

Fed up of wiping mud off the hall floor, piles of it. Can't people wipe their feet on the mat and take their shoes off before they tread it everywhere. 'It's only mud' I'm told. DH and I had a private disco in the living room last weekend, just the 2 of us, pizza, wine and 80s music, I told him this is what retirement can be like. I long for more of that, with afternoon scrabble games and quiet walks in the countryside.

Original poster
ssd · 26/02/2023 20:04

I went a walk today. It was brilliant. The weather was sunny and breezy. I was well wrapped up and i didnt need the loo. I was passing all these families with younger kids, in prams, on scooters and on bikes with stabilisers. I just walked on past them all at my own speed, didn't need to stop for anything.
It was great.
Funny how something so basic makes you happy.

OP posts:
shadypines · 27/02/2023 13:57

I'll be the cat sat in the car eating toast! Yes I can totally relate I am so fed up with cooking/ chores. I am totally in agreement with recycling but sorting it and constantly doing the bin run is the devil's work.
Not to mention currently got DS1, 23 yrs who's like a bookend and needs an almighty kick up the arse.

openingbat · 27/02/2023 14:23

Totally with you.

Both of mine have left home and now I've replaced caring for them with caring for my DF. Either way I'm utterly sick of life right now and can't be arsed to do anything.

SirChenjins · 27/02/2023 15:55

@shadypines Im with you on the recycling. Sometimes if I’m feeling extra pissed off at the world I chuck something in the mixed waste that should go into the recycle bins - and I’m being totally honest I don’t actually care Blush

ThighMistress · 27/02/2023 16:10

Ah, I am among friends Smile

This godawful weather is not helping my energy levels. It is grey, grey, grey with a very chill wind.

I have had enough of the sheer grind of doing mountains of washing and providing food. It’s not just the cooking - it’s the thinking about it, shopping for it and then chopping and cooking and then serving it up and then filling the dishwasher - repeat ad infinitum.

i could just fancy wine, olives and Fruit&Nut every day. No wonder my granny, after six dcs, lived on jam sandwiches and brandy.

BeautifulDayintheneighbourhood · 27/02/2023 16:13

ThighMistress · 27/02/2023 16:10

Ah, I am among friends Smile

This godawful weather is not helping my energy levels. It is grey, grey, grey with a very chill wind.

I have had enough of the sheer grind of doing mountains of washing and providing food. It’s not just the cooking - it’s the thinking about it, shopping for it and then chopping and cooking and then serving it up and then filling the dishwasher - repeat ad infinitum.

i could just fancy wine, olives and Fruit&Nut every day. No wonder my granny, after six dcs, lived on jam sandwiches and brandy.

Jam sandwiches and brandy ! Love it!

shadypines · 27/02/2023 16:17

@SirChenjins ooh I know, if there isn't a word in existence for that 'ok I've had enough' feeling when you take it out on the recycling ( or anything you normally bother to do right) then there should be!

vjg13 · 27/02/2023 16:19

SirChenjins · 27/02/2023 15:55

@shadypines Im with you on the recycling. Sometimes if I’m feeling extra pissed off at the world I chuck something in the mixed waste that should go into the recycle bins - and I’m being totally honest I don’t actually care Blush

I think we're all doing our own recycling protests! I firmly refuse to wash out a dog food tin 🤮and gleefully throw it in with the non recyclables!

SirChenjins · 27/02/2023 17:50

Solidarity!

shadypines · 27/02/2023 19:45

I'd love to step into an alternate universe where I am sharing the Miami house with The Golden Girls. Sophia can cook me a nice bolognaise and cannoli and don't forget the enormous cheesecake for a middle of the night natter.
I'd spend all day on the lanai in a recliner, with a coffee, croissant and a trashy mag or book soaking up the Florida sun.
In the evening I might have a hot date with my latest squeeze or just watch some trash TV (in PEACE without the presence of men).
There was definitely an episode where they employed a maid too, so yep, bring it on, beam me up Scottie.

aramox1 · 27/02/2023 20:01

After lockdown i never wanted to make dinner again. Or lunch.

Hedjwitch · 28/02/2023 09:44

I told ds last night not to give me the "what's for dinner?" question today because I have no intention of cooking anything for anybody.

Soproudoflionesses · 28/02/2023 10:03

shadypines · 27/02/2023 19:45

I'd love to step into an alternate universe where I am sharing the Miami house with The Golden Girls. Sophia can cook me a nice bolognaise and cannoli and don't forget the enormous cheesecake for a middle of the night natter.
I'd spend all day on the lanai in a recliner, with a coffee, croissant and a trashy mag or book soaking up the Florida sun.
In the evening I might have a hot date with my latest squeeze or just watch some trash TV (in PEACE without the presence of men).
There was definitely an episode where they employed a maid too, so yep, bring it on, beam me up Scottie.

My friends and l have decided we are all going to live together when we are old and do what the hell we like!

grayhairdontcare · 28/02/2023 17:44

@Soproudoflionesses that is what my mother does.
She and her friend sold the family homes and bought a house together.
Then they bought a apartment in Spain.
So they split their time between both

Sunsetintheeast · 02/03/2023 07:14

grayhairdontcare · 28/02/2023 17:44

@Soproudoflionesses that is what my mother does.
She and her friend sold the family homes and bought a house together.
Then they bought a apartment in Spain.
So they split their time between both

Wow that’s pretty cool. My DM and her friends said they would, but couldn’t agree how inheritances would work. We said it didn’t matter, but others were less keen - I expect they see my DM living to 120!

doubleshotcappuccino · 02/03/2023 16:48

@ThighMistress jam sandwiches and brandy sound delicious ! My version is peanut butter on toast but I would be minded to switch to that on a Friday night ..

doubleshotcappuccino · 02/03/2023 16:53

By the way, I love this thread!

BigFatLiar · 02/03/2023 16:59

We're on our own now. I like the threads on mumsnet talking about the lazy husbands because say hello to the lazy wife. I've never been particularly houseproud, neither of is have been. Fortunately OH enjoys cooking so that's not an issue though if he can't be bothered we're happy with baked potatoes or sandwiches. Itsvjust a case of there's other things to do. We had plans for what we were going to do when we retired but I'll health kicked in so we just take each day as it comes.

Chevyimpala67 · 02/03/2023 17:06

I have found my people 🙏

GaryTheCat · 03/03/2023 10:16

Loving this thread. My people are all here. Hanging on with gritted teeth til my youngest finishes A-levels.

In 73 days. Any email which comes from school now makes me feel nauseous and I hit ‘delete’.

been doing this shite since 2003. Enough now.

when my youngest turns 18 next week do I get a letter congratulating me? Second baby shower? (Thinking wine & chocolate in bath in a faraway cottage and an early night)?

doubleshotcappuccino · 03/03/2023 12:46

I'm with you @GaryTheCat and also 2003 vintage starting all this too .. I think we get to throw our own shower ..no sharing.. no big meal prep .. just what we like for us .. it's been a while ..
youngest about to go into own clothes at sixth form .. cannot.wait.

shadypines · 03/03/2023 13:49

@GaryTheCat absolutely, there should be something like a telegram from the King when they turn 18.
Oh the dreaded school email, would that be the one saying they need an exotic zoo animal costume knocking up by tomorrow? Or the one telling you they are cancelling the school bus service with a month's notice so little Bobby can walk to school via the dual carriageway/crime ridden underpass?
Bring on the wine, bring on the choc ...