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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Does any over 50s feel like this?

209 replies

ssd · 12/02/2023 10:28

I guess im just tired. Not physically, im fine that way. But more mentally.
Im tired with bothering about the house, the housework, the food shopping, whats for dinner etcetera.
Ive done all the bothering for years and i guess im out of bother!!
I was reading the threads about what are you up to today and i love them, but its mainly thinking about what to cook for the family and sorting stuff out. Maybe they are all younger than me. My kids are grown but one still at home. He can cook but im aware theres veg needs turning into soup lying in the fridge and chicken needing used and frankly i cant be arsed.
Id eat toast for the rest of my life and it wouldn't bother me.
And dh can see to himself.
I once read on here about a poster saying she'd like to just be an old car sitting at the window staring out.
That's exactly how i feel.
My enjoyment at keeping house has gone.
Anyone else?

OP posts:
Fairysilver · 12/02/2023 15:21

@MuseThrower I gave up my proper job at 49 and did a little undemanding job for a few years then retired at 56.
I feel less resentful than many on this thread.
Also I refuse to blame the menopause for every thing in life.
Might be due to retiring at 56. All parents and Inlaws are dead so we've weathered the elderly parents stage.
I was so over the what to have for tea part I did ready meals or snacks for years but I do actually like nice food. We live in a remote village so you can't order in or go out for meals easily
I actually don't mind cooking. DH has never cooked except when I was seriously ill but I am happy with that as he does all the cleaning, I have never washed up in 40 years.
After a few years of pleasing myself DC2 bounced back home for 6 months. Not only that he is vegetarian. He was working hard and willing to cook but I launched back into mothering mode and learned to cook vegetarian (much to DH's dismay "when will we have meat?").
Back to just two of us now and I hover in the middle of enjoying / hating the meal prep.

My mission now is to get DH to move from this house that we've loved for 40 years and brought our DC up in. It's miles from anywhere. I don't want to downsize, just move to a large village or small market town with a shop, a pub and some amenities.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 12/02/2023 15:22

I absolutely am with you. I'm 55 and literally have no fucks left to give about food/housework/everyone else's problems.

MissyB1 · 12/02/2023 15:29

JJ8765 · 12/02/2023 14:11

I'm thinking of downsizing to a city centre apartment or townhouse with no maintenance or gardening or space for clutter. By the time the dc are grown everything needs re-doing and looks shabby. The garden was great when the kids were small but I dont think anyone but me went in it last year. I dont need to be near good schools. I bet I dont need 90% of what is in the loft or shed. My parents still live in a family sized house and some of the rooms only get used at Christmas and they dont like to drive now so have to bus or taxi everywhere. We should move back into city centres in our 50's/60's and walk to museums and theatres or have somewhere we can lock up and leave and go travelling. We need French style concierge apartments with lovely views. Remote cottages are no good when you need to be near a hospital in old age.

Yes I will have one of those apartments please! It will need a balcony so I can sit out when it’s sunny.

Netcam · 12/02/2023 15:30

Glad to see I'm not alone, cleaning and cooking for 18 years can feel like groundhog day. I should have one off to uni in Sept and the other to 6th form. I feel like I've done my bit, I'll still be there for them, but in a different way. Hopefully I can provide a base for them to come back to rather than feeling I am responsible for everything. I'm kind of looking forward to a time when DH and I can do our own thing, but also feel guilty about this, as if the kids should come first. But we are people too.

lljkk · 12/02/2023 15:32

Pardon me, SSD, but haven't you posted for yrs on MN about feeling down?

I'm over 50 & feel quite energetic & optimistic. Just to say some of us don't feel down.

Cadburysucks · 12/02/2023 15:37

I have been making pasta with ready made sauce, with frozen vegetables and cheese too many times these last few years. Age 58 with 2 adult sons and a diabetic husband who makes his own food now. He has reversed his diabetes. I have a standby of a few simple recipes I make when I feel like.

Tekkentime · 12/02/2023 15:37

Fairysilver · 12/02/2023 15:21

@MuseThrower I gave up my proper job at 49 and did a little undemanding job for a few years then retired at 56.
I feel less resentful than many on this thread.
Also I refuse to blame the menopause for every thing in life.
Might be due to retiring at 56. All parents and Inlaws are dead so we've weathered the elderly parents stage.
I was so over the what to have for tea part I did ready meals or snacks for years but I do actually like nice food. We live in a remote village so you can't order in or go out for meals easily
I actually don't mind cooking. DH has never cooked except when I was seriously ill but I am happy with that as he does all the cleaning, I have never washed up in 40 years.
After a few years of pleasing myself DC2 bounced back home for 6 months. Not only that he is vegetarian. He was working hard and willing to cook but I launched back into mothering mode and learned to cook vegetarian (much to DH's dismay "when will we have meat?").
Back to just two of us now and I hover in the middle of enjoying / hating the meal prep.

My mission now is to get DH to move from this house that we've loved for 40 years and brought our DC up in. It's miles from anywhere. I don't want to downsize, just move to a large village or small market town with a shop, a pub and some amenities.

Where do you live that even a large village would be less remote?

doubleshotcappuccino · 12/02/2023 15:42

51 and can totally relate .. when DD left for uni she said to me I would be eating peanut butter on a spoon for a meal .. she is right .. still have DSs at home but they eat a lot of protein.. roasts etc .. so me and my peanut butter or mackerel are becoming more of a regular think .. I love it .. it's taking me a while but I like having time to exercise every day and not having to think about snazzy veggie meals

Oblomov23 · 12/02/2023 15:44

Old car, old cat. Grin I think you should just cut yourself some slack. Sometimes I'm very industrious, Costco huge batches of chicken marinated into kebabs, drumsticks marinated, huge vats of chilli. Other times I wander round sainsburys thinking I don't want to eat anything / if I need to eat another steak and kidney pie, new potatoes and 3 steamed veg, I'm gonna fucking scream. Go with it. Who cares. Beans on toast never hurt anyone.

ThePoshUns · 12/02/2023 15:48

Absolutely this!
I'm in my 50s and I'm done with it all.

Dymaxion · 12/02/2023 15:58

God yes with the can't be bothered, I have no bothers left, nor fucks either. My house is a complete mess, but everyone has clean underwear and uniform, access to a nice warm shower and a hot meal every day.

FrenchandSaunders · 12/02/2023 16:00

@JJ8765 that’s exactly what I would like to do. Rural doesn’t appeal at all … I want to be able to walk into a lovely city centre with gorgeous restaurants and theatre/cinema. Great parks as well, I don’t want it all built up, but being able to walk everywhere is my aim.

Parisj · 12/02/2023 16:01

God yes. I still shop but I started eating a plan that suits me and only me and now everyone sorts themselves food unless one of us - crucially not always me - decides they want to cook for the others. I love my job and work hard in the week, so on weekends we're home I drift between the sofa, eating, drinking tea, doing the jobs I feel motivated to do, and exercising and I feel no responsibility to do anything more exciting or to entertain other people.

Sarahcoggles · 12/02/2023 16:09

MagpiePi · 12/02/2023 10:36

Absolutely agree.
But, your lack of energy and disinterest in everything sounds like menopause symptoms. I was like this until I started on HRT and my energy levels rocketed. I finally understood that this was how ‘normal’ people felt.

The thing is to get onto HRT but then direct your new found enthusiasm for life into things the YOU want to do.

There you go OP, HRT will apparently solve all your problems. Except it won't.

DizzyRascal · 12/02/2023 16:14

lljkk · 12/02/2023 15:32

Pardon me, SSD, but haven't you posted for yrs on MN about feeling down?

I'm over 50 & feel quite energetic & optimistic. Just to say some of us don't feel down.

Iijkk, I have also been on MN for years and have never seen you post anything supportive. Perhaps if you are feeling so tip top you could share the love?

HeidiWhole · 12/02/2023 16:27

So done with the cooking and cleaning.
I'm in my early 50s but have DC with SN who are unlikely to leave for uni or to live independently in the near future (if ever) so 'parenting' will continue for a while yet. They do cook some things for themselves or order takeaway if I really can't be bothered!

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 12/02/2023 16:31

CBA. Can’t Be Arsed. Totally sums me up. Mid 50’s, 2 older teens, DH been WFH since covid. Dear Lord, I don’t know how I get through each day, literally CBA to do anything domestic related. Nada. Non of us are eating our 5 a day or our weekly rainbow, the local take aways love us. I’m seriously considering getting a cleaner, they can come when I’m out having coffee with my BF’s discussing how non of us CBA to do anything other than get ready to meet one another. And to make things worse we got a 2nd dog a year ago who has enormous paws and leaves wet/muddy foot prints everywhere, sheds fur, piddles when excited and has no recall so I can’t even enjoy a nice walk anymore.
HRT has definitely helped. Along with DC’s getting BF and GF, their visits always seem to send me into a maelstrom of housework.

Original poster
ssd · 12/02/2023 16:42

You'll all be pleased to know, we've came a day out and are currently sitting in a pub with a drink awaiting our foodGrin

The kitchen is about 50 miles away Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 12/02/2023 16:44

@lljkk ,what a strange post. Ive been on mn since 2004, ive posted lots of things Confused

OP posts:
MyGrandmaLizzie · 12/02/2023 16:45

grayhairdontcare · 12/02/2023 12:14

It's the constant years of doing everything that needs doing, while everyone else in the house is doing what they want to do.
I'm over looking after everyone else.
They are adults and can sort their own stuff out

^^ this exactly. I'm sick of looking after other people who are perfectly capable of doing things themselves but just think they don't have to. Sometimes I just want to run away.

Fairysilver · 12/02/2023 16:46

@Tekkentime A small village with no shop, no pub, no public transport.
It's a fabulous house tho....

Sunsetintheeast · 12/02/2023 16:52

My DMum says life is too short for housework. I have to agree. I work so I pay a cleaner and I’d happily pay a housekeeper if it came to it!

I mainly do stuff I enjoy, which fortunately includes my work and running. Running leaves me with lots of energy so I feel
happy to bounce around doing stuff.

Perhaps stop cooking if you hate it. My DM stopped cooking at home at one point, she let everyone take a turn, it worked well.

MuseThrower · 12/02/2023 17:01

Ambertonix · 12/02/2023 14:43

@MuseThrower I did exactly this. I was 46 and ive never been happier (im 50 now) No interest in re-training though. My days consist of reading, box set watching, general pottering and meeting friends/family for coffee occasionally. Neither of my 2 children live at home and my DH pretty much does the same as me although he is a lot more socialable so spends quite a few evenings out with mates in the pub or at football etc. Absolutely no regrets here.

I’m 90% decided to follow in your mellow footsteps.

Hedjwitch · 12/02/2023 17:07

Can relate to this. Nearly 60 and two adult dcs sti ll at home. Work full time. No energy for cooking every night. So I dont. Kids sort themselves out. I dont do ironing any more now either unless I need something for work. Would love to retire but cant afford to

Original poster
ssd · 12/02/2023 17:09

Id love a cleaner, the thought of coming in to a freshly cleaned house sounds amazing. Too expensive for me but i can totally see the appeal.

OP posts: