Thread 41 Corona Cohort - Autumn Adventures of our Adult Children

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

previous thread

@NCTDN just seen her ! Albeit briefly. She waltzed in the house like she'd been gone for months, absolute drama queen. She sent me a long essay this afternoon about how I'm not supportive and made her feel rubbish simply for saying I felt it was disappointing she felt the need to come back home so soon. DH not happy with her behaviour.

She does have plans for next week, to go to a Rugby game in Bath (her flatmates team) and is another flatmates birthday. Looking forward to starting the lectures. Guess there is some hope.

I gently explained about all the advice given if one is homesick (dont go home too early)...and that we just want her to have fun fulfilling her dreams. She says she will be back home for a visit in a couple of weeks ! @Monkey2001 I don't think I could convince the boyfriend to visit her, instead of her coming back by train. It's a free train journey for her whereas his petrol will cost at least £50.

Hi everyone. I'm a long time lurker on these threads and my DD is coming to the end of her apprenticeship as a Funeral Arranger / Funeral Operative now.

She was so badly let down by her GCSE results in 2020 which hugely dented her confidence in herself and she dropped out of A levels after year 12. We were so worried about her future.

I don't often get to share with people who may have been through the same thing with their DC's.

Tonight for the first time, DD is "on call" with the coroners team. She is at this moment heading out with the team on her second call out, facing probably quite tragic scenes and dealing with family members going through the worst moments of their lives.

She has found her niche and she loves her job. I think she is so brave, and I could not be more proud of her. Thanks for listening.

Thread filling up. All still well here. She seems really happy. I didn’t take any pictures of her room, but it’s very swish and new, with a blind and a grille! And a view onto a wooded hillside. Bit long and thin, but lovely.
dDefinitely up for a reset. DS is away for 3 weeks from Tuesday and I am planning to blitz the house, it’s looking grubby and unkempt. I’ve restarted my hobby, we’ve booked tickets for a show. Planning to meet up more with friends. I really need a pedicure. And I need to lose 5 stone. Not all of it by Christmas!

Wow @Fifipop185 . I bet I’m not alone in wanting to know much much more. Welcome to the thread.

That is a fabulous intro Fifipop185, how lovely that your DD has found a profession that requires such maturity, even from its young. Welcome!

How amazing does your daughter sound Fifipop!

Thank you @Zebracat and @ealingwestmum that's very kind of you both.

I do have to remind myself that's she so young still and worry that she's seeing all sorts of horrible things. Her dad is also a funeral director but for a different company. He is doing his Papa Bear act, waiting up for her to come home so he can check she's ok and talk anything through. I expect she will dismiss him completely and collapse in to bed before she gets called out again.

I also wonder what would have happened if she had stuck it out with her A Levels. I worry that she's growing up too quickly with her job and she is missing out on being young and living the uni life. We will never know.

DS went with GF and parents to move her in to Nottingham, Broadgate Park. Nice room, teal curtains, nice flatmates , but she was not impressed that some got back late with friends and someone was sick in their shared toilet. Hopefully that sorry of thing calms down at the end of Freshers..

Back when I went to university I had a room mate who was very different from me but we got on brilliantly. Our kids would all hate to share a room, but when it worked it did make it easier to settle

@Fifipop185 thats amazing - finding a niche can take years so she is so lucky she’s found hers so young. What a challenging role for someone so young. A lifetime ago I worked somewhere that hosted the Christmas dinner of the professional body for funeral directors - they were the funniest and happiest group of people ever - they said when you do what we do you realise that life is about having fun and enjoying it.

@Fifipop185 don’t worry about the degree - I have friends that went off and found an amazing job then went to uni at 23 plus another that got to 25. Took a year out and travelled the world.

@icanbewhatiwant about the job - now you gave experience of coop have you thought about moving into a large company like M&S food - friend gets lots of flexibility with shifts there. Would get you back watching strictly ….

in the longer term what are the things you love ❤️- you mentioned horses - we have an National trust place near us that has a stable block and they employ people to look after the horses and dress the people up on special days to read the pony and trap etc ….

i

@icanbewhatiwant not read that should be ride x

@Shimy amd @HarrietDVane glad to hear the drop offs went well

DD doesn’t have curtains just a white black out blind. Unlike lots if teens she hasn’t closed her curtains at home for years so luckily as 3 stories up she doesn’t need to.

DDs drop off at Durham was super different to the DSs when they went to uni. They have groups of older students ( called Freps) next to the turn off into each college drive with large placards in college colours asking please to Beep for ….. insert college name! Singing cheering 📣 etc

As we queued for our slot on the tiny car park DD was taken from the car and asked to go and get her room key etc by more Freps. Then about 5 of them in blue jumpers descended on the car in the car park with trollies and we moved everything from car to flat in one trip ?! Pleased for help as was on third floor.

Room overlooks the JCR so can see if people are arriving for things but high enough up for it not to bother her. Trees with a mini garden below. She was pleased with room and en-suite shower is a wider door bigger than standard one.

Busy first week social timetable with white t shirt party last night and various themed things planned after that by the JCR college team. So different from DSs that had freshers nightclub plus SU club events and a course welcome drinks and largely nothing else.

Flatmates were friendly and she texted that all nice except one who was not her cup of tea - she’s dealt with the boys on the bus from the other school all nice except one who was an arse. So she said liking 6/7 of her co flat mates isn’t bad so happy.

thanks for the topper info @singingstones beds were super hard but other than that room only 2 years old so no dodgy smells coming from carpets etc like with the DS2s uni room.

Morning, all! Couldn't sleep, as I have to do some work-related stuff by the end of the weekend and it's really gnawing away at me. I'd be happy for some kind of reboot, in my case it would be good to have some accountability about cutting back on booze consumption which has slowly been creeping up.

Great to read more moving-in stories!

DD has found that one of the friendship group that has started to form around course-mates who live very close to each other has religious/political/social views which are uncomfortably different from DD and the rest of the group, and is trying to work out the best way ahead... but as we've reassured her, that's part of what university is about, learning to get by with very different people. And that keeping friendships going is a two-way process!

@PhotoDad we are still up north as DDs moving in slot was not confirmed until a week to go so booked Airbnb for 2 nights to cover both drop offs but was too late to cancel one.

Glad we didn’t now as we ended up looking for bedroom/bathroom storage and the topper so ended up with hideous traffic around out of town shopping centre getting only 20mins in Tesco for the food shop as the flat had decided to meet mid afternoon before the JCR initial meeting for a welcome.

So as today in Daytime is just second half of flats moving in DD is coming for brunch and an hour round Tescos for food shop before we leave. Then she will have a couple of hours nap before another crazy night.

@PhotoDad the interesting political view friendship group is tricky - DD has fairly strong views about certain topics which many do of this age group these days - she’d probably speak up 😂

I'm down in Dorset with the girls for the weekend, so only just catching up. I had the most horrendous day at work on Friday, my commitment to my job was questioned, I was sent a nasty email and I burst into tears.

Glad crazy dd is now in, and with Heifers dd. Glad monkey ds is in. Omni is your ds ok? Not being able to get into the club he wanted because it was full is an irritant. Ds text last night at 8.45pm to say he was going to bed! So I'm assuming he wasn't out clubbing with anyones dc, presumably because he's spent the previous few days totally full on!? I haven't spoken to him so know no details.

Fifipop good for your dd. What a great vocation.

Yes sign me up, on the list for a reboot please. I need to lose weight.

Photodad the different political views is a tricky one isn't it? Plus generally they'll meet so many people, you can't be besties with them all - some will be varying degrees of not really talking to/ civil/basic pleasantries/occasional chat/etc. Plus they'll meet plenty of people who are just plonkers/twats/fucktards!

Morning all,
@Fifipop185 lovely to hear about your DD's apprenticeship, I have several friends from college who all went out to work at 18 and took various paths (building trade, beauty counter, banking, HGV driver). All made successes of their careers, the beauty counter one became an area manager, the building one has his own firm now. Our friendships survived some of us going to uni and the long term.

Notts gang - just rung ds. He sounded rough with a sore throat. He went to bed early at 10pm, woken at 1am for fire alarm. He hasn't been to breakfast yet, because keeps missing it because of clubbing.

He says he hasn't had his mini breaks food because the Uni cards have been delayed. Not impressed mummy.

Welcome to the thread @Fifipop185 ! I remember a brilliant ANA from an undertaker on here which was really eye opening in terms of the different skills - from the practical to the emotional and ethical when dealing with families - it sounds like such an interesting job!

ds dropped yesterday - very impressive organisation from the college - second and third years unloaded the car for us, lovely welcome (even a free cuppa!). His room is ground floor and tiny but overlooks some communal grounds with geese and bunnies which is nice. The mustard curtains are a bit minging though! The college had a welcome talk and pizza laid on last night, and today there’s cake and coffee and mocktails session as well as the inevitable clubbing! He had a wobble as we were unpacking but texted yesterday
eve to say flat were all lovely so hopefully will settle soon. I’m worrying rather than tearful but that’s helped. Stayed overnight so a lovely eve in York yesterday night then will pop and say bye this morning before heading back. Gulp.

Sounds like a girls’ weekend was just what you needed then Oblomov, put last Friday well behind you.

Neither DH nor I went to Uni. Different generation I know, but, I would have rather DD go into the work place with interest and drive for what she was doing, than spend 3/4 years going through the motions and £60k debt. But she’s academic, absolutely loved school and never missed handing in one homework, ever. Very different to the bright but truanting me who left school at 16.

i hate to admit this but whilst I am so excited for DD’s coming months, I personally would have hated it, sharing a flat etc. I can’t draw a comparison I know, but I went straight to home ownership at 20 and lived my 20’s as a singleton pretty well, and have no regrets.

Your girl sounds happy Fifipop, and is gaining skills that few at her age could muster. This generation is able to embrace change quickly when good transferable skills are developed, and not everyone comes out of education saying they were the best years of their lives.

@Fifipop185 has your DD come across the My Funeral Home Stories podcast? It’s American, but the guy doing it ended up in the funeral business at a young age so it may chime with her.

@ealingwestmum we had huge concerns DD was heading towards 3/4 years going through the motions - or more likely 1/2 then dropping out. She wanted to teach English overseas, most of the companies organising that want a degree, so she ‘needed’ one, despite not having found a subject she enjoyed studying. Also DH had a tendency to say she’d get nowhere without one 😠 In the end it took a friend saying ‘hang on, if she’s been teaching herself Korean and enjoys it, maybe she could study Korean?’ to get her on a path that might just work for her.

Welcome @Fifipop185 , I think your dd has made a very wise decision. I hope my ds (year 12) will resist the lure of uni as he’s not self-motivated or studious at all. Dd has gone because she is, and also because the general field she’d like to work in will require a degree. She’s also very very sociable, so the environment suits her down to the ground.

I had my usual long text update from dd at 3.30am after she got in, but read it this morning! All good, she had a great time and bumped into a couple of the people she met on the CU event earlier this week. She’s planning on visiting a church with them tonight, so hopefully not such a late night!

@Oblomov22 dd said she’d been told that they have to pay for brunch at weekends? I also assumed the £25 card would start on Monday as that’s the official start of term but who knows? Dd has gone to uni with a sore throat so there will be plenty going down with something over the next few days 😬

Fifipop, your DD has made a fabulous course choice, and better still, is able to visualise what studying Korean is going to lead to, the ability to study/work abroad, work with young people/adult learning, experience life in a different culture etc etc. And the modernisation of Language learning these days integrates everything so they come out with more than just language skills. Niche courses can result in a closer relationship with their peers and tutors. Your friend is right, she’s already chosen a language that requires a high degree of self selection vs native speakers (apologies if she is native), she will fly on her programme that will be valued by employers, even if she doesn’t end up in teaching.

Woke up to a text from DS, his girlfriend broke up with him over the phone last night.
Said she can’t cope with uni and a long distance relationship. He’s devastated.
We just left him yesterday and now he’s heartbroken and all alone up there 😢