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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

My Son hasn't come home

198 replies

fuckfuckfuck2021 · 05/02/2022 08:45

My son has just turned 18 this week. He is a hardworking considerate boy and I've never had to worry about where he is or what he's doing as he always lets me know.
He went to college yesterday morning and text me at 7.30 to say work had asked him to go in that night and it would be probably be a late one. He's a commis chef in a restaurant and will often get home after midnight when in work. He said he had keys and would see me later.
I went up to bed around 11pm but woke up at 4 for the toilet. The hall light was still on and his bag and shoes which he always dumps in the hallway when he gets in weren't there. I went and checked in his room and he wasn't home. I've rung and text but got no reply and I'm at a total loss what to do. He has never stayed out all night unless it's been at his dads when he was younger .
I am so scared but don't want to over react I keep telling myself he's gone out with people from work or gone to one of his colleagues house for a drink or something.
Should I ring the police or is that just silly?

OP posts:
userxx · 05/02/2022 08:50

He's probably crashed out at a mates house fast asleep, try not to panic. I'm sure he'll make a reappearance shortly.

Chakraleaf · 05/02/2022 08:52

I can totally relate, try and stay calm, can you try his work? How does he get home usually?

Soontobe60 · 05/02/2022 08:53

Your first thoughts are probably correct. He’s just turned 18. Possibly gone out and got drunk and is holed up at a friends house.

ApolloandDaphne · 05/02/2022 08:54

How worrying. Does he ever go out after work? Does he have Whatsapp? If he does can you check when he was last active on it?

UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 08:54

Is he ok?

Capricornandproud · 05/02/2022 08:54

God I am dreading this. So sorry OP, he probably has just crashed at a mates. Would he usually be good at staying in contact?

MrsLargeEmbodied · 05/02/2022 08:54

no news is good news op - i have told myself this many times

Pegasussnail · 05/02/2022 08:54

I think he might have met a girl or went onto a club with his workmates. Buy I hope he contacts you soon Flowers

UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 08:55

If he's been out since yesterday morning his phone could have been dead by 4am, so he can't tell you where he is.

AgathaMystery · 05/02/2022 08:56

Hope he’s home now OP. X

FAQs · 05/02/2022 08:56

If it’s totally out of character call the Police for advice.

Chakraleaf · 05/02/2022 08:57

@FAQs

If it’s totally out of character call the Police for advice.
Yes. I have a 18yr old and this would be unlike him too. I would try work and call for advice. They can help you but please don't panic. I know it's so so hard xx
GingerAndTheBiscuits · 05/02/2022 08:57

Do you have contact details for any of his friends to check in, or can you see how social media?

2pinkginsplease · 05/02/2022 08:57

Oh I have teens of that age and they are such a worry at times, I don’t sleep unless I know they are ok. A text is all I ask.

I’m sure he will be absolutely fine, probably went back to a work mates and crashed out . It’s still early I’d try at 10am again to see if he answers this time. Do you know his friends could you message one of them?

Does he have Snapchat with snapmaps on it?

I tend to look on this app or messenger to see when they were last active.

WafflesOrIceCream · 05/02/2022 08:57

I hope you hear from him soon OP.x

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 05/02/2022 08:57

I'd guess he went out after work and is sleeping it off at a mate's.

Our absolute rule is the minute they decide to stay out they have to text and let me know so I don't wake up and not know where they are-even if it is 4 am-that way I wake up to the message and am spared the anxiety.

hopefully he is home soon!

MichaelAndEagle · 05/02/2022 08:58

He most likely met a girl or crashed at someone's house, and phone is dead.
I would be worried too OP, I'm dreading these days.
Sure he'll be home soon.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 05/02/2022 08:58

See his*

HollowTalk · 05/02/2022 08:58

Can you see from his WhatsApp when he was last online?

Mostlyjustrunning · 05/02/2022 08:58

He probably has gone out and has no idea you’re worried - they tend to think that because they know they’re ok that means you should automatically know they’re ok (I’ve been both the teenager and the parent in this scenario)!

It’s such a horrible feeling as a parent! Do you know anyone who might have him on Snapchat maps? Can you see whether he’s read the messages you sent?

Toanewstart23 · 05/02/2022 08:59

Is this usual behaviour?

I’d ring the police.
He’s a child in my eyes.

Ducksurprise · 05/02/2022 08:59

Just turned 18 and in the service industry, both recipes for partying hard. It is very easy to have one drink too many and the next thing you know it is 10am.
This doesn't stop you from worrying and it never gets any easier, it's natural to worry if someone is expected home and isn't.
When he arrives the hardest thing is to not get angry with him, it's real anger because you are scared. You will need to talk about the next time, and making sure you are informed if he isn't coming home but that can be left to another day.

Brew I have been there, its bloody awful. Hope he is back soon

bobisbored · 05/02/2022 08:59

My son is the same age and this would panic me too. I think I'd try calling his mates then the police. Do you have find my friends?

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 05/02/2022 08:59

If you both have iPhones and they are linked you could try Find My iPhone which would confirm his last location. Or if he has an iPad you could try find my iPhone on that.

ScarlettDarling · 05/02/2022 09:01

I can relate. My son is 18 and if he did this I’d be in bits as it’s totally out of character.
Let’s be rational though...he’s going to be fine. Hell have gone for a drink after work and crashed at a friend’s house.
Keep trying to ring him every 20 mins or so. If you’ve not heard by 11ish then ring his work to double check he was there last night and maybe find out if they know anything.
So sorry you’re feeling so scared. Let us know when he’s home.