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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

My Son hasn't come home

198 replies

fuckfuckfuck2021 · 05/02/2022 08:45

My son has just turned 18 this week. He is a hardworking considerate boy and I've never had to worry about where he is or what he's doing as he always lets me know.
He went to college yesterday morning and text me at 7.30 to say work had asked him to go in that night and it would be probably be a late one. He's a commis chef in a restaurant and will often get home after midnight when in work. He said he had keys and would see me later.
I went up to bed around 11pm but woke up at 4 for the toilet. The hall light was still on and his bag and shoes which he always dumps in the hallway when he gets in weren't there. I went and checked in his room and he wasn't home. I've rung and text but got no reply and I'm at a total loss what to do. He has never stayed out all night unless it's been at his dads when he was younger .
I am so scared but don't want to over react I keep telling myself he's gone out with people from work or gone to one of his colleagues house for a drink or something.
Should I ring the police or is that just silly?

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 05/02/2022 09:28

Omg what a worry.

whatnumber · 05/02/2022 09:28

Do you know any of the names of people that work at the restaurant? You could message them on Facebook?
Do you know what apps he uses? As pp said check WhatsApp, Snapchat, Facebook, etc to see if you can find anything out.
I would be beside myself too.
I would ring the police just to check if there had been an accident.
Not sure about all phones but on an iPhone you can put an emergency contact number in the health section so if you are ever in an accident the police can get your emergency contact from the phone without unlocking it. It's on the bottom left of the passcode screen.

KittenKong · 05/02/2022 09:31

I’m sure he is fine - my brother was like this (but he was dozy and inconsiderate). He’d roll up when he was hungry.

AnyFucker · 05/02/2022 09:32

Any news ?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 05/02/2022 09:33

My just 18 yo has just passed his driving test. Double the worry!
Hopefully your ds has a flat phone battery and is asleep at a mate's house op...
The worry def doesn't stop when they hit 18..

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 05/02/2022 09:34

@Ducksurprise no vulnerabilities, they just took it seriously. I’m not suggesting OP ring the police necessarily but if she feels that’s the best course of action when suggestions here fail, then she shouldn’t put it off for fear they won’t take it seriously as sometimes they do.

kitcat15 · 05/02/2022 09:34

Check his WhatsApp...last time he was on....is his phone going to voicemail? Dead battery?

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 05/02/2022 09:35

Out since 7.30am and on to work, I'll bet he is asleep somewhere. Work would be my first port of call. Hope you're not waiting much longer OP.

GrandRapids · 05/02/2022 09:36

Can you message his friends through FB? I second ringing his work when it opens to see if he left to go on somewhere.

I know this is so so hard but it's still pretty early on a Saturday morning. I'd give it another hour or so before ringing the police.

Pinotwoman82 · 05/02/2022 09:37

Have you managed to get hold of him OP?

pleasehoover · 05/02/2022 09:41

When my DD did this i rang the police mid morning and they took it very seriously. She was just asleep at a friends house and that's probably the same for your DS but it also gave her a shock and she now always lets me know if she won't be home.

Check any location services you have access to - find my iPhone, Snapchat. And try to call any work or college friends that you know, they may be able to track him down.

Hope you hear from him soon

KittyTail · 05/02/2022 09:41

I would ring police for advice once you’ve spoken to people at his work to establish that he was there and what time he left and also phoned around his friends. Hoping he turns up very soon, OP.

LoudSnoringDog · 05/02/2022 09:46

My son ( then 18) did this. He worked in a restaurant and ended up at a house party with the rest of the team. Woke up mid morning. Raging hangover

I was about to call the police when he finally contacted me

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 05/02/2022 09:49

Agree with others. Hopefully he went back to a workmates house and is still sleeping. I would try work or friends if you can (and emphasise the importance of always texting to let you know his plans if he won't be coming home). Sounds like he is usually considerate though given the fact he text you about the extra shift so understand why you are worried. Hope you hear from him soon Flowers

Roselilly36 · 05/02/2022 09:51

Aww such a worry, I have DS’ 20 & nearly 19, I know exactly how you feel. But no news is good news. I am sure he will be home soon, probably with a hangover, let him sleep and discuss it when he wakes up. Flowers for you.

SirVixofVixHall · 05/02/2022 09:52

I hope he appears soon OP. As pps have said it is reasonable to call the police as it is so out of character.

DSGR · 05/02/2022 09:53

He’ll be home soon I’m sure

fuckfuckfuck2021 · 05/02/2022 09:54

He was last active on WhatsApp at 8.45pm and Facebook said an hour ago at 4am so I'm pretty sure my initial reaction is that he's gone to someone's house after work is right! His work doesn't have anyone in till 10 am so will be ringing then. I've messaged a few of his mates but no one has replied yet. He was finishing college at 3 and going straight to work so it's not unusual not to hear from him in between. I will deffo be having a chat with him when he gets in contact! I don't have numbers for any of his work mates or even a clue who the majority of them are on Facebook and didn't want to be messaging random people 🙈

OP posts:
fourplusfour · 05/02/2022 09:55

Have you heard from him op? So worrying for you. Hope he turns up soon.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 05/02/2022 09:55

What a worry! I hope he makes contact soon OP. Hugs

userxx · 05/02/2022 09:58

I was a nightmare at 18, I'd nip to the corner shop for some milk, bump into some mates and go awol for 2 days partying. This was before mobile phones so no way of getting in contact, my poor dad went grey very quickly.

Whattochoosenow · 05/02/2022 09:59

We had this. DS had crashed out at a friend and had no phone charge.
The rule after that when he was living at home, was to send a text to let us know, even if he had to borrow a mate’s phone.

HumunaHey · 05/02/2022 10:00

Hope he's ok OP.

I don't think the police will be much help as he's seen as an adult and I don't think they count as 'missing' until at least 24hrs, could be more.

WonderfulYou · 05/02/2022 10:01

I’m glad he’s been online.
Sounds like he went to someone house afterwards and fell to sleep.

Don’t have a go at him as he’s an adult but explain that a quick text to let you know will save you so much worry. It doesn’t matter what time it is as you’ll read it in the morning.

PugInTheHouse · 05/02/2022 10:01

Its a tricky one due to his age but just chat to him and tell him to ensure he let's you know, not for permission but out of courtesy so you don't worry.