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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

My Son hasn't come home

198 replies

fuckfuckfuck2021 · 05/02/2022 08:45

My son has just turned 18 this week. He is a hardworking considerate boy and I've never had to worry about where he is or what he's doing as he always lets me know.
He went to college yesterday morning and text me at 7.30 to say work had asked him to go in that night and it would be probably be a late one. He's a commis chef in a restaurant and will often get home after midnight when in work. He said he had keys and would see me later.
I went up to bed around 11pm but woke up at 4 for the toilet. The hall light was still on and his bag and shoes which he always dumps in the hallway when he gets in weren't there. I went and checked in his room and he wasn't home. I've rung and text but got no reply and I'm at a total loss what to do. He has never stayed out all night unless it's been at his dads when he was younger .
I am so scared but don't want to over react I keep telling myself he's gone out with people from work or gone to one of his colleagues house for a drink or something.
Should I ring the police or is that just silly?

OP posts:
exexpat · 05/02/2022 09:01

It is far too early to call police. He will almost certainly have gone out for a drink with colleagues and ended up sleeping at someone else's house. DD works in a restaurant and often does this after a tough weekend shift.

When he gets back, have a word with him about always texting to let you know.

JugglingJanuary · 05/02/2022 09:03

He's more than likely doing the 'I'm an adult now, I can do what I want!' Thing. But it does sound completely out of character, so yeah, I'd be worried too! I've found they all do things 'out of character' at times and inevitably it's all just fine - it's just impossible to relax until you know

I don't think there's much you can do at this time of the morning though as most of his mates/work colleagues will still be sleeping!

Does the restaurant do breakfast or lunch. If you haven't heard from him an hour before they open I'd start ringing to see if they had any idea.

How does he usually get home after work?

Hope he contacts you soon!

Mumdiva99 · 05/02/2022 09:04

Did he text you at 7:30am or PM? If pm did anyone see him in the time between college and work? Did he definitely go to work? Or is it possible he did something last night you wouldn't approve of? I'm thinking a house party or a night out at the pub....that could end up with a passed out son.
Surely if he went back to a friends after work he would text you.
Let us know when you find him.
Could you drive the route back from his work? Just for peace of mind?

DistrictCommissioner · 05/02/2022 09:04

No news is good news…

My mum once made my dad drive around the routes my brother might have taken home while she rang around all the hospitals to see if he had been admitted…. My brother had taken on an extra shift at work without telling them.

Do you know any of his friends details, or is his workplace open to ask if anyone there knows?

ApolloandDaphne · 05/02/2022 09:05

@Toanewstart23

Is this usual behaviour?

I’d ring the police.
He’s a child in my eyes.

He won't be a child in the eye of the police though and unless he is vulnerable they won't start investigating him as missing just yet. It would be useful however to speak to them to find out what the procedure is if he doesn't come home or get in touch soon.
Ducksurprise · 05/02/2022 09:05

@Toanewstart23

Is this usual behaviour?

I’d ring the police.
He’s a child in my eyes.

But he isn't a child. The op realises this as posted in adult children. You can't ring the police everytime they are late home, plus the police wouldn't be concerned yet.
trumpisagit · 05/02/2022 09:07

Hi OP
Checking last active on WhatsApp is a good idea.
He is probably asleep at a friends - do you know any of his colleagues?

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 05/02/2022 09:07

A friend of my brother went missing on a night out last year, the police immediately took it seriously as it was out of character and he couldn’t be reached, so it really depends on circumstances

BuickMcKane · 05/02/2022 09:09

If it's out of character for him then I'm not surprised you're worried. Hope you hear from him soon.

JugglingJanuary · 05/02/2022 09:10

Perhaps his mates at work wanted to celebrate his 18th after work & went back to someone's house. He probably didn't intend to stay (so didn't text you) but had too much to drink (everyone encouraging trying new drinks maybe) & perhaps he just went to sleep?!

Yes, you do hear scary things, but you don't hear about the millions of 18yo's who are just fine after scaring their parents!

As others have said, no news is 99.99999% of the time, good news.

DwangelaForever · 05/02/2022 09:11

Hoping he's just headed out for a few and crashed at his friend's! Hope he contacts you soon.

Chakraleaf · 05/02/2022 09:13

Are you OK OP?

slimshady18 · 05/02/2022 09:18

@Toanewstart23

Is this usual behaviour?

I’d ring the police.
He’s a child in my eyes.

Except he actually isn't a child, he is a albeit new adult. Hence why op is posting on this board instead of teenagers
Toanewstart23 · 05/02/2022 09:19

What’s your point?
That the police will handle differently?

Guineapigssweak · 05/02/2022 09:20

Can you ring his work place?

Chimchar · 05/02/2022 09:21

You must be so worried.
As everyone is saying, he's probably gone for a beer after work with his colleagues and is happily snoozing on one of their sofas.

I hope he gets in touch soon x

userxx · 05/02/2022 09:21

@GingerAndTheBiscuits

If you both have iPhones and they are linked you could try Find My iPhone which would confirm his last location. Or if he has an iPad you could try find my iPhone on that.

Going forwards this is something to set up if it isn't already. Ive got my mum and friend on mine.

GeneLovesJezebel · 05/02/2022 09:22

Ring his work as soon as it opens.

Ducksurprise · 05/02/2022 09:23

@Toanewstart23

What’s your point? That the police will handle differently?
Yes, they will make a note but that is it. There isn't the resources to go to burglary let alone searching for adults that have been missing for less than 12 hours. Obviously if he was 8 it would be completely different.

Ginger your friends brother must have had something which made him vulnerable, not being able to be reached after a night out is not unusual, lose or break a phone, run out of battery.

Workinghardeveryday · 05/02/2022 09:25

Ring his friends, ring his work.

Sure he will be fine and sleeping it off on someone’s sofa or with a girl xx

StrawberryPot · 05/02/2022 09:25

@Toanewstart23 - of course the police will handle it differently.

goodnightgrumble · 05/02/2022 09:26

Let us know how you get on. I have an 18 year old that works in a bar till 1.30 five minutes away from where we live. I always ask him to text me when he is in as I can't relax.
I hope he rings you shortly and lets you know!

AlternativePerspective · 05/02/2022 09:26

I can relate.

My rule is that if he’s staying out then all I ask is a text.

DropYourSword · 05/02/2022 09:27

@trumpisagit

Hi OP Checking last active on WhatsApp is a good idea. He is probably asleep at a friends - do you know any of his colleagues?
How do you check last active? Is that just where it says "last seen date time" at the top of the chat? Or is there a way to see when they were last on WhatsApp independently of whether they opened and engaged in your chat group messages?
KittenKong · 05/02/2022 09:27

So did he come home at some stage and dump his stuff (and went out again?). A ‘late one’ in the restaurant - was there a special event or party on (so he’d be working to the small hours and crashed out with a friend or colleague?). So if he finished up at say 2am, has a quick drink with colleagues, he will be asleep!

Remind him when he surfaces that you worry, so please leave a note or send a text next time.