Adult drama queen daughter wants to move home

[Yespresh]

To say our daughter has put us through emotional hell in the past 5 years is an understatement.

As an 18 year old she was so keen to be independent that this house was bought with a self contained annexe for her. She lived here for a few months caused havoc, moved two homeless boyfriends in (not at the same time). She took drugs, stole from us, lied, pretty sure she was also supplying drugs. She has also accused us of abusing her but wasn't able to say how or when. Basically you name it, she’s done it.

Moving on a few years and boyfriends she now has a new job as a glamour model, wants to be nearer London and she is now saying she wants to move home. We currently have a lodger in the annexe who would have to leave. It is OK that the lodger leaves and she moves home but I am not sure I can cope with her behaviour.

At the moment it is me, DH and DS26 who has ADHD at home. DS26 is not at all happy.

After a lot of research into our daughter’s unusual behaviour we realise she may have narcissism. We have been reading up about it. She can be horribly verbally abusive and will turn on you very quickly. She has zero empathy. During my recent cancer treatment and horrendous chemo she didnt make contact at any time to offer support, sympathy or even a card. The last few times I have seen her I usually stay silent but I can’t live like that. I can’t have her here and be tiptoeing around her.

So I will have to make our very nice, quiet lodger homeless in exchange for our narcissistic daughter who may decide after a week or so she doesn’t want to live here any more because we are such horrible parents.

Your thoughts?

Nope. Leave your lovely lodger be. If you can't bear to tell her her truth just tell her he's got a rental contract that you can't break.

Thanks for the update Yespresh. Long may your home be peaceful!

You must be mad even thinking about it. She is no longer a dependent child but an abusing adult. You may think you owe her something but you dont. Let her sink or swim. The alternative is to subordinate your lives to a selfish manipulative individual for no justifiable reason.
You have pandered too much to her in the past but thats done - so dont start again.

She sounds horrible.

Unfortunately she is our child so we have no choice do we. We have to be older and wiser. As I said she has been OK so far. She has asked to stay again next week. We have said yes and will see how we get on. Modelling seems to be going extremely well.

That's positive that things are going well.
I think you would all benefit greatly from some family therapy. Maybe a therapist can help diagnose the narcissistic personality disorder you think she might have (or explain where the concerning behaviour is coming from) It might help you all understand how it may have come about in the first place.

@Unsure1983

I'd look into the causes of narcissism before throwing that term about because it won't reflect well on you.

Was wondering whether to post that fact.

Is she gearing up to try to move back in?

Another update. We had a happy Christmas with our daughter. She was given gifts from us all and brought ZERO gifts with her, not even a bottle of wine. Still didnt enquire about my health but at least she was present (when she wasnt looking at her phone).

So onwards and upwards in 2022.

How does a family member get this way? We're the product of our own past.

Why should Ypu unconditionally love someone just because you gave birth to her ? She's an utter monster and deserves to be left to her own devices . Your poor son Must be heartbroken you are even consort his . I too have ADHD and this kind of thing is so difficult to compute