Who pays for Wedding conversation

[swimmer4]

Has anyone’s children recently got married? As I’d like to know how you go about broaching the subject of who’s paying for what and how much.
We’re more than happy to contribute but don’t want to embarrass our DS partners family. How do we say we’ll give this amount as it’s our budget & not willing to give more if they overspend?
Also I know I’ll have to hand over the money and bite my tongue if it gets spent on stuff I think is unnecessary. I’m all for it being a very special day for the couple but would like some sort of sensible checks to be made at this stage in their lives as they have no home as yet or F/T work.
We also need to bare in mind our other DS. If he chooses in the future to have a wedding/civil ceremony or not, we would want to support him with same amount of money for whatever.
Thanks for your thoughts...

One of mine is getting married in the summer - the first wedding in our family (4 DC, all quite old )

Small simple register office do, with lunch out afterwards for both families, & the couple are paying for all that & their outfits.

We’re renting a big house locally for all of us to stay in all weekend & we’re paying for that. The ILs live locally & are hosting an evening do. That’s about it so far!

Iv paid the deposit, wedding in a hotel, and I will be paying half. My daughter is thrifty so money wont be wasted, close family members should count themselves lucky if they make the final guest list new son in laws family is paying for the bubbly. We are normal working people

Thank you NoMorePoliticsPlease
You were more than generous considering you had more than 1 DC.
And it’s good to see that you can tailor it depending on the couples circumstances.
In my case many here on MN think they are getting married too early but there’s no rule to say when you should or shouldn’t. Im totally behind them if that’s they want to do.

NoMorePoliticsPlease
Sounds as if my DS circumstances are similar to your 1st DD where you paid for it all.
If they do a Registry Office followed by buffet in the back garden they’d definitely be able to afford it.
.... if they’re wanting marquees, top DJs and fireworks then no!!

Thanks pinkandstripey that gives an idea of how much if they do it right now.
I think too many people are assuming 500 guests & caviar 😉

Thank you onlyoneoftheregimentinstep
We just didn’t think we’d be doing that planning so soon. I’m hoping I can just give the money and relax!!

HollyWhiskey as groom parents that’s exactly what we’d have to avoid though. You must have a good relationship with your DM and already wanted the same things - which is lovely.
Advocating a table plan and expecting certain family members to have roles & free bar would be interpreted as controlling and interfering - that’s what I’ve learnt from the comments on here & from my own wedding.

We paid 50% for DDs wedding. They planned on paying themselves but we offered, DD involved us in lots of choices and we were supportive of their choices and only offered opinions if asked e.g. buffet or bbq in the evening and wedding cake tasting (terrible sacrifice but she needed to know what I thought of the chocolate, the lemon etc) We didn't make any conditions so involvement was what they wanted and felt comfortable with.

Thank you KatyaZamolodchikova - yes that would work 😊

QforCucumber if that’s how it pans out I’d be really happy with that. Thanks for sharing

Thank you TranquilityofSoltitude - our DC are in the same boat and maybe this is the route we’ll take. It’s nice to see that it can work with the 2 families sitting together and chatting it through. 😊

Thank you MrsMozartMkII it’s good to have stated this from the start - that’s half my problem - we never expressed what we’d be doing if weddings arose!!

Thanks so much Lyricallie for giving ng a current example.
Have a lovely day 💐

LAA2 it was lovely you could get married in your parish church.

Seat covers 😳

Thanks Robs20
I shouldn’t assume the ILs will be paying anything

My oldest is getting married soon, they are paying for most of it. We are funding loos, booze and the crepe van. They both work their arses off though and have been happily settled in a rented flat they fund themselves for a couple of years so we reckon they know the value of money.

Mine is a ds too, her family are not well off and I don’t think they are funding anything ( weren’t last time we discussed money)

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
I like the idea of surprise bill settling ... something to think on

okiedokieme thank you for example of how it can be done - searching online for the average price of a UK wedding wasn’t a good idea😂

Thank you TheGoodAndTheBadLife

mazDazzle - legal age to get married 😂😂

RubyRed24 I had trouble remembering who contributed what in ours too, it was so long ago 😂😂

Thank you Topseyt

Yes OkieDokieme - every one is unique to the couple - my DS might not be fitting with many MN views but we will support him & GF in whatever they decide 😊
Good luck with imminent celebrations

BackforGood I think they have their heads screwed on and know with the realities of life they would never get married if they left it ... so small, special, intimate do might be on the cards.