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Original poster

Who pays for Wedding conversation

194 replies

swimmer4 · 08/01/2020 16:02

Has anyone’s children recently got married? As I’d like to know how you go about broaching the subject of who’s paying for what and how much.
We’re more than happy to contribute but don’t want to embarrass our DS partners family. How do we say we’ll give this amount as it’s our budget & not willing to give more if they overspend?
Also I know I’ll have to hand over the money and bite my tongue if it gets spent on stuff I think is unnecessary. I’m all for it being a very special day for the couple but would like some sort of sensible checks to be made at this stage in their lives as they have no home as yet or F/T work.
We also need to bare in mind our other DS. If he chooses in the future to have a wedding/civil ceremony or not, we would want to support him with same amount of money for whatever.
Thanks for your thoughts...

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Original poster
swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 13:46

RosiePosie4 - that’s good to know about the money.
It seems anything goes - if you can, and want to, contributing as little/as much as you like with no strings 😅

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1forsorrow · 09/01/2020 13:47

swimmer4 testing those cakes was hard going, we had to try some of them more than once! You have to make these sacrifices don't you.

Being serious I think I was more involved because I stood back and got invited to be involved, I think if I'd started giving out rules and opinions they wouldn't have been so welcoming.

I hope you enjoy the day as much as I did.

Beach11 · 09/01/2020 13:50

When I got married my parents paid for: my dress, cake, flowers and drinks. My PIL paid for photographer

Both sets of parents said we’d like to contribute X amount so we told them what we would like.

They both liked know what they had paid for

Original poster
swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 13:50

Katy1213 but it’s their choice if they are getting married, as is all decisions they make now as they are adults.
I haven’t mentioned marriage/engagement to them 😃

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Original poster
swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 13:51

I like your thinking SaraClara

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swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 13:55

ineedaholudaynow - I think for them the act of getting married is important to them and currently they would be able to pay themselves for the actual wedding ceremony - so it’s what and if they plan stuff to go with that will determine when it happens.
They are both saving

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Original poster
swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 13:56

RachelEllenR - that sounds perfect and I’m hoping we’ll be able to do that too.

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Original poster
swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 13:57

Thanks usingname

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Original poster
swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 13:58

GoldWispa - sounds like a perfect arrangement 😊

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Original poster
swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 14:00

Thank you 1forsorrow
I’m looking forward to it now 😊

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Original poster
swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 14:02

Thank you Beach11

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chocolatefudgecake17 · 09/01/2020 14:05

We paid for our ourselves. Dh parents gave us €4000 about 6 months before, mine bought my dress and gave us €2000, so roughly the same from both sides. The wedding cost €23000. There were no expectations of any money from anybody. They gave us what they were happy to give and we were very grateful.

Beautiful3 · 09/01/2020 14:16

Why dont you see what they put together, ask to see the costs. Choose one area and offer to pay for it. The food is the biggest expense. When I got married, my mother paid for the food, my gma paid for the flowers, grandad- the cake. My mil altered the dress and had it dry cleaned, my cousin bought the wine. In the end we hardly spent anything. It was lovely that both families chipped in towards the wedding.

Original poster
swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 15:05

chocolatefudgecake17 - that really does put things into perspective- thank you

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Original poster
swimmer4 · 09/01/2020 15:05

Beautiful3 - love the idea of different people chipping in 😊

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memberofseven · 21/01/2020 06:02

I don't think my in laws even managed to buy us a wedding gift. I really wouldn't overthink it. Give what you can / want and don't put stipulations in it. By all means make suggestions but don't expect them to be carried out.

fishonabicycle · 21/01/2020 06:24

Do it at the end - ie when it's all booked and paid for, or as a wedding present. Bitter experience tells me they just spend more if they get it earlier. And then separate 2 years later.

fishonabicycle · 03/02/2020 17:22

Don't give them any! Wait til they are married and give them any money then to buy a house with. My husband gave his daughter a fair sum so they didn't have to borrow much (obviously she couldn't wait and save up 😳). She just spent loads more, then separated 2 years later ...

PatellarTendonitis · 03/02/2020 17:32

They don't have FT jobs or a place to live and want a wedding and guests to pay for their honeymoon? How entitled can you get? I'd give them nothing. Ridiculous.

Can’t believe anyone wants a wedding now that civil partnerships are available. It’s like buying an Austin Allegro rather than a Tesla.

A civil partnership isn't officially recognised in other countries, marriage is.

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