Anti-tips: things I have learned the hard way

[Mines]

I thought it might be useful to share a few parenting tips on things that definitely do not work....

1. mixing chocolate biscuits and bathtime has serious impact on both nutritional value and child laundering. Don't do it.

2)Nappy cream is not good as mayonnaise

3)Nappyless babies and natural fibre carpets do not mix.

Anyone else got any useful ones?

1. they don't have to be chocolate, a digestive has the same effect.
2. Mayonnaise????
3. Unless you're moving house in the very near future (I'm guilty of this one!!)

And one of my own

4. A 1 year old can fit most of the way through a catflap. Get your camera before freeing your child should this happen.

Never give a baby who looks even slightly iffy sardines for tea. If you do, don't let it near your bed during the night.

Potty training is an excellent way to get a new carpet out of dh. (Ours is beyond cleaning so will have to be replaced thanks to dd's little mishaps.)

Don't ever imagine, there is something your child can't reach/do/or think of, because they will.

Never, underestimate how fast they can move.

Never wear white/cream.

Always check yourself for, sick/snott before leaving the house.

Don't buy any toy, that is made up of lots of pieces.

Never even hope, to get anywhere at a exact time.

Oh and a couple more:

1. Babies won't pay for dry cleaning (very unfair, that one)

2. Apparently, a wailing baby is not a legitimate reason for speeding.

Soupdragon: to the cat flap - my ds hasn't spotted ours yet but I'll have my camera ready!

Almost anything which claims to be child-proof, isn't!

Cat flaps.......... DD has done that one. Got stuck in the process. had her head and arms through but couldn't get back in. HEHE

Yes, catflaps. Ours has done that, too ? it obviously happens a lot, but I've never come across any mention of this in books/magazines. Wierd!

fridge locks dont work

videos still work with ice lolly sticks posted in them (for now)

bundle,
The best thing for getting stuff out of vidio's without taking them apart, is a long pair of chop sticks.

fantastic, jac, I have this image of you spearing the electrical goods around your house

Small children cannot turn doorknobs. So if you get rid of handles you can keep them out. (Or in.)

janh - yes they can!!

videos also still work with sandwiches in them, but not with children's fingers.

If you change a child's sheets, they will have an accident that night (especially if sleeping on the top bunk)

If you helpfully tell Granny that the one vegetable junior is sure to eat happily is broccoli (or whatever), s/he will refuse point blank to eat it

Sorry, this is Sod's Law rather than anti tips

Lara2, the springs on yours need to be stronger then! (Do you have springs?)

soyabean, agree utterly and it doesn't just apply to small children! I have an older one who wets and he will be OK for 2 or 3 weeks but the minute I go through the whole clean sheet/clean waterproof/clean underblanket routine - top bunk - BANG - it's wet again.

How do they know when they're ASLEEP????

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Ooh yes...never say, 'Well no child of mine will ever do that.'

I'll echo Marinas comment about iffy babies and sardines - except mine was Postman Pat pasta.

Once your child starts sleeping through the night you will realise you have developed a sleep problem yourself and become an insomniac!

Do not wean a heavily-possetting baby on ANYTHING containing tomatoes - unless you are happy to spend your summer in clothes dyed red.

When baby pasta alphabet shapes are vomited up, it is still possible to use them to make words.

Echoing what Darla said - Don't even think about Kiwi fruit either (not the colour but those seeds get everywhere....)