I Hate Children's Books. Please Help.

[NoKusuAllowed]

Hello everyone! A long while ago, I asked for advice about reading to my daughter, who, at the age of around one, loved books to the point of obsession. Well, I'm a mother of multiple now, and all of my children love books (which is a blessing, I know, and one that I have worked hard to cultivate).

However, I hate, I really, really hate reading to them. I find it absolutely unbearable even though it is the thing that they would have me do most.
The first time I read some asinine plot about a bus going round and round, or a witch losing her hat from her broom, or an elephant rolling in fruit to disguise himself, that is the last time I will willingly engage in the content. It is dull; even the ones that I like are terribly, terribly dull. Following the advice I received from the last thread, in conjunction with the steps I was already taking with my daughter, I have tried to make it better for everyone by doing the following:

• I read books that are recommended as 'good' buy other adults, books that I like the style of, or books that I think have profound or important messages (not exclusively, as I let the children choose often, but it's something)
• We rotate our books, and at this point have entered the hundreds at home.
• We go to the library multiple times a week to pick up new books
• We employ audiobooks
• I've had family members record their voice reading some books and use those on special occasions
• I read them more adult content that aligns more closely with what I find tolerable. This used to work well, but now they have little interest and express as much.
• I am focusing hard on teaching my daughter to read so that she doesn’t need me to read for her in the future. It is going quite well, but she isn't there yet. She is three, for context.
• I encourage her to read to her siblings, which works some of the time, but I'm not going to push the issue if she doesn't want to.
• We use interactive books, with puzzles or magnets etc. so they get something out of it even when I'm not in a position to read.Though these mostly just end up on the floor, torn or chewed.
• I quiz the children about the book afterward to extend the time away from the page but still engage them in the narrative.
• We have a lot of non-fiction so at least we can memorise facts together, and that feels a little more substantial than Fairy Mary finding a magic gem or whatever. Obviously, there is a general preference for Fairy Mary.

The problem is that they're children's books, you know? They're four to ten pages long, comprised of about three sentences, and are about as thought-provoking as banging my head against a brick wall. Even less so when I've read the thing fifty times. It doesn't matter that it's been in the cupboard for six months, as soon as it makes a return I want to burn it. I lasted longest with the woodland treasury stories - things like Beatrix Potter or Foxwood, but they're hard to get through with the younger ones and even those are painfully repetitive now.

I know they're good for my children, and that that I need to suck it up as a parent. I know it's worthwhile. I know, I know... But Christ, I've been doing this for years and it only gets more hateful. I sometimes get snappy with my son because I just don't want to read Flapacadabra-bloody-dinosaur for the eighth time that morning. I'm not as patient with my younger children as I was with my daughter and it doesn't feel like good bonding because I am visibly tense throughout the whole engagement. What can I do, here? How can I hate this less?

You could just try some self-reflection. You've been very dismissive on here but your reaction is not sounding very adult.

This is pushing buttons, the answer is to investigate, not to dismiss.

It's nothing to do with the books you read as a child, that's a simplistic deflection.

@Hegglepig all great ideas, which DH has covered unfortunately.

You don’t just read it over and over again, You read it over and over again and change your focus from the words and your nerves, to the people who are enjoying the story. I don’t mean simply notice them but feel how lovely it is to have their attention and to be doing a nice thing for them. The point is to expose yourself to doing something without interoception. It’s the internal focus that’s the issue not the action itself.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I suspect the “suck it up” comments are a shorthand for something most parents quickly learn from holding their bundle of joy for the first time - as a parent, our feelings over petty stuff don’t matter anymore, if they ever really mattered.

There are hundreds of things that are tiresome about being a parent; nappy changes, being woken in the night, the annoying kids TV, the terrible crayoned pictures you have to marvel at, the long nursery/school performances, the buying new clothes for them every 2 minutes, the two lots of dinner you have to make, the not being able to leave the house without a 30 preparation and a kit bag- the list goes on. Nobody likes these things but that doesn’t matter if it’s good for our children. We focus on why we’re doing it not that we are fed up. Once you have a child it’s a bit late to be pontificating on whether you like changing nappies, you have to get on with it.

To put it in non-parenting terms it’s like owning a dog and not liking the picking up of their excrement. Or buying a classic car and moaning about the amount of petrol it guzzles, or buying an 18th Century thatched cottage and expressing how irritated you are having to duck through doors that are barely 1.7m high. Yes those things are annoying, you’re not expected to like them but they come with the territory; what’s moaning about it meant to achieve? Focus on how adorable your dog is, how much you love the feeling of driving the car, how beautiful your cottage is, instead of the very obvious negatives.

This was me.. I still believe that my children learned to read despite me not because of me 😆
The books are tedious…you spent hours on one page only for the same words to appear on the next page and you have to start sounding the bloody thing out again ….
But.. my kids are grown ups with a couple of degrees each so there is hope. They are avid readers (as am I - I own hundreds of books) so my parental failing didn’t matter in the end.

Thank you, I think this is the most compassionate reply I've received so far. Not to dismiss the other compassionate replies, of course, and there have been quite a few. I'm just amazed that there's a small sect of people that seem to think I'm abusing my daughter for encouraging her hobbies and daring to read Tolkien aloud!
I've been deliberately vague about my younger ones to limit the amount of personal breadcrumbs I leave over the internet, but I think you may be right that over three years of put-block-in-correct-hole followed by explaining that no, raw meat is not a suitable lunch and we must wait for it to cook, is probably at the root of most of this.😅
Many of the suggestions have been very helpful; I've got a list of books to keep on watch for, some stories to invent, and I will definitely be adding more structure as opposed to the broadly spontaneous approach we've been operating under so far. Much to experiment with, which is always good.
Whatever the case, I am hopeful it will all work out in the end, and if their attitudes and interests are any reflection of my parenting at all, I haven't damaged them too much yet!

There's a Lego club on every now and then for the over 5s nearby, so maybe they can get their fill there. We'll see if how it all pans out - I'm sure the living room is doomed no matter their choice of poison 😁

Thank you. The library has been a life-saver for us, and I think it really is a case of trying to find ways to keep things fresh, be it with new books or interpretations, and waiting out the really early texture/flap books, especially.

It seems I may've displeased the gods 😬 Oh, well, much nicer to get along, I agree.
To my shame, I've never read Joyce! Do you have any favourites to recommend?

I'll admit I'm a little blindsided by the assertion that I've been dismissive, given the earnest attempt to engage with every comment and suggestion from ADHD, caffeine-consumption, toddler burn-out, and deeply-rooted trauma associated with children's books. The Magic Key comment was to add levity, I'm sure you understood; I don't think I found Biff&Co. so terribly dull that it has forever neutered my ability to positively engage with children's books. I think the only person I was outright dismissive of was 'Newsprint', and, well, rightly so.

My disagreeable attitude toward children's books could be related to one or more of those things, it could be related to none of them. My personal assessment of that matter is that there is a combination of factors contributing to this particular distaste, and that the three predominant are as follows:

-Spending all day with young children is not intellectually stimulating, even if it is joyful and rewarding.

-Monotony without boundaries or a clear end-point is generally suffocating to most individuals. I find repetition of all media - music, books, films - annoying. Given that instrumental music is easier on my nerves than songs, it could be that the language centre of my mind suffers most from this chaffing. I don't know why; call it a personality quirk.

-Children's books are a focal point of the two prior issues because they are continuously presented, they do not provide any intellectual stimulation after the first few reads, they are demonstrably important and enjoyed enough that I bear the guilt of not obliging (especially as obliging worked so well for my daughter), and as someone that thinks faster than they can speak, combined with orthodontic work in my youth, reading aloud requires conscious consideration from me. I have to anchor down mental energy for the act of articulating words, such that it feels like driving with the breaks on.
This is not a huge issue - I wouldn't even call it an issue in most contexts - and has never before impacted my life in such a way as to require any special measures. I do and will read to my children. All it means is that I can't zone out or just focus on them, I have to think about the words that I am speaking, lest they be fumbled, skipped, rhythms lost, or some other minor inconvenience.

I may've missed the mark, or other things may be at play, sure, but perhaps this better satisfies an 'investigation'?

They will bed avid independe t readers by age ten. Yes, suck it up.

Try limiting the number of books read in one sitting. Maybe three books, including one you have chosen.
Reserve the right to just look at pictures and discuss (if the story line is long winded and uninspiring.)
Watch some of the movies which tell the story along with words flashing onto the screen. For example

1989 The Little Mermaid.
1991 Beauty and the Beast

I hated imaginative play - oh your trucks going down the road where will it end up ??!! (And who cares. ) is dolly hungry are you feeding her? (Arrgggghhhh!) But I sucked it up because it’s important.
Books are easy just read the words, you can ask them questions about the story/the picture, do silly voices.

You should try “Not Now, Bernard” by David McKee. It’s Beckett for pre-schoolers, so many layers in this brief tale of parental emotional neglect. Is the monster real or is it a psychological metaphor for Bernard’s anger at being ignored which leads him to behave in a monstrous way? I’m sure there must be a postgrad thesis about it somewhere.

Buy a Tonie? Other thing to think about it getting a book of Greek myths or Grimm fairy tales. Something you’d want to read

OP, I understand completely! All my children are obsessed with books; we have hundreds, and we go to the library every week.

Some of the books are so badly written that I feel like I’m having a stroke trying to read them aloud! I honestly wonder if some of the newer ones are written by AI, too.

I’ve basically delegated reading duty to my husband. He actually enjoys it, so it works out perfectly! I only read to them when absolutely necessary, like when he’s working late.