I Hate Children's Books. Please Help.

[NoKusuAllowed]

Hello everyone! A long while ago, I asked for advice about reading to my daughter, who, at the age of around one, loved books to the point of obsession. Well, I'm a mother of multiple now, and all of my children love books (which is a blessing, I know, and one that I have worked hard to cultivate).

However, I hate, I really, really hate reading to them. I find it absolutely unbearable even though it is the thing that they would have me do most.
The first time I read some asinine plot about a bus going round and round, or a witch losing her hat from her broom, or an elephant rolling in fruit to disguise himself, that is the last time I will willingly engage in the content. It is dull; even the ones that I like are terribly, terribly dull. Following the advice I received from the last thread, in conjunction with the steps I was already taking with my daughter, I have tried to make it better for everyone by doing the following:

• I read books that are recommended as 'good' buy other adults, books that I like the style of, or books that I think have profound or important messages (not exclusively, as I let the children choose often, but it's something)
• We rotate our books, and at this point have entered the hundreds at home.
• We go to the library multiple times a week to pick up new books
• We employ audiobooks
• I've had family members record their voice reading some books and use those on special occasions
• I read them more adult content that aligns more closely with what I find tolerable. This used to work well, but now they have little interest and express as much.
• I am focusing hard on teaching my daughter to read so that she doesn’t need me to read for her in the future. It is going quite well, but she isn't there yet. She is three, for context.
• I encourage her to read to her siblings, which works some of the time, but I'm not going to push the issue if she doesn't want to.
• We use interactive books, with puzzles or magnets etc. so they get something out of it even when I'm not in a position to read.Though these mostly just end up on the floor, torn or chewed.
• I quiz the children about the book afterward to extend the time away from the page but still engage them in the narrative.
• We have a lot of non-fiction so at least we can memorise facts together, and that feels a little more substantial than Fairy Mary finding a magic gem or whatever. Obviously, there is a general preference for Fairy Mary.

The problem is that they're children's books, you know? They're four to ten pages long, comprised of about three sentences, and are about as thought-provoking as banging my head against a brick wall. Even less so when I've read the thing fifty times. It doesn't matter that it's been in the cupboard for six months, as soon as it makes a return I want to burn it. I lasted longest with the woodland treasury stories - things like Beatrix Potter or Foxwood, but they're hard to get through with the younger ones and even those are painfully repetitive now.

I know they're good for my children, and that that I need to suck it up as a parent. I know it's worthwhile. I know, I know... But Christ, I've been doing this for years and it only gets more hateful. I sometimes get snappy with my son because I just don't want to read Flapacadabra-bloody-dinosaur for the eighth time that morning. I'm not as patient with my younger children as I was with my daughter and it doesn't feel like good bonding because I am visibly tense throughout the whole engagement. What can I do, here? How can I hate this less?

All very worthwhile and sensible suggestions, thank you. My daughter is beginning to draw identifiable faces and shapes, so I think she'd love drawing characters!
I have books I remember from my childhood, but I never liked reading-- well, I liked non-fiction, but never really got on with Spot, Kipper, The Gruffalo... Any of that sort of thing. I don't remember the names of the non-fiction books as it was usually something generic like 'How it's made: Sailing Ship', or '100 facts about Frogs'. Dragonology is one I still have, but I think they're a bit young for it.

I recite often! I close my eyes and try to get a few minuets break while they turn the pages. Works well some of the time, but my son is wise to it and just shoves the book in my face to make sure I'm actually reading! My daughter is happy to try and recite it with me, though. I think a lot of these will work so much better when they're just that little bit older. I haven't read 'Sharing a Shell' in about two years but every time I see a hermit crab it's like I'm the world's dullest sleeper-agent activated.

Reading has been one of my favourite things to do with DD since she was tiny, and still is now she’s six. I can't stand the endless role play where she’s a horse and I’m her sister, or whatever else it is that she's landed on that week..

I think in general it’s fine to do less of the stuff you don’t enjoy. Reading is a bit different from messy play for example (which I also hate), in that I do think it’s important to make time for it regularly, but that doesn’t mean you have to read a book every ten minutes or every single time your child asks.

In my case, the enthusiasm probably comes from being an Early Years teacher for years and focusing a lot on early reading and language development during my MA. I find all the things children are getting out of it really interesting.

You seem quite caught up in the idea that you’re too intelligent or well educated to get anything out of these books. But yes, of course they’re below your reading level. You’re an adult and they’re written for toddlers. Perhaps you’d find it more interesting if you thought about why they’re written that way and what your child is getting from them.

You mentioned Room on the Broom, for example. I don’t think the plot is asinine. The rhyme and repetition let children join in, guess what’s coming next and start noticing the sounds in words. And the story itself gives you plenty to talk about: kindness, making room for other people, helping someone who’s helped you and working together when something goes wrong. There’s quite a lot going on in a book about a witch losing her hat.

It’s also fun doing silly voices for the animals, but maybe that’s just me.

The same goes for the bus going round and round. It doesn’t have to be a literary masterpiece to give you something worth sharing with your child. They point something out, you respond, they ask a question, you talk about it. All that back and forth is part of how they learn to use language and make sense of things.

You might still find the book boring on the twentieth read, which is fair enough. But being interested in what your child makes of it, rather than expecting the story itself to interest you, might make it more enjoyable. It's a brain workout for them.

There’s also something lovely and reassuring about curling up together with a familiar book and having your undivided attention, especially when they know exactly what’s coming next. And picture books are particularly clever because the words only tell part of the story: the illustrations often have little jokes, clues or whole other stories going on, giving you things to notice and talk about together.

I could bang on about this for days clearly! Any probably non of this is going to make the books themselves any more enjoyable for you, but maybe it would help to start taking an interest in e.g. the language or literary devices they're using and why, which ones particularly resonate with your children etc.

I think you're right, here. My husband I have read LoTR and HP to our daughter, as well as other things when she was an only child, and that was a joy. I think her getting older has a lot to do with it, as now she understands enough to enjoy a story she can understand, as opposed to just listening to the sound of our voices. She hasn't shown interest in more adult books for a while now, but likes the longer form children's books.

Make up your own stories with them.
Tell them stories about your own family ( my 4 year old grandson loves to hear stories about when Grandpa or Grandma were little ( especially when Grandpa was a naughty boy)
Write your own stories and let them join in with drawing pictures, sticking, etc. Even as young as 3 my own children liked doing this - eg a visit to the cinema, how we got there, what we ate, what we watched etc etc.
i do agree though the toddler stage can be really tedious, especially once the novelty has worn off!

She hasn't shown interest in more adult books for a while now, but likes the longer form children's books.

Because she's three. Some children will be reading themselves at three, and some will maybe enjoy 'more adult' books being read to them, but it's a very small percentage and really not some great badge of honour to aspire to. It's far better for her to read developmentally appropriate books, and have them read to her - the phonestic and linguisting building blocks, things like repetition and rhyme etc are in there for a reason. She needs them. And I'm not sure I'd start LOTR or Harry Potter with my 6 year old even, as she's probably not ready for some of the content and themes emotionally, even if she had the vocabulary and general knowledge to follow the storyline.

Actual children's books aren't 'lesser', they're designed specifically for the job they have to do. Some do it well, and others less so, but it doesn't mean you skip them and go on to stuff aimed at high school level because you like it better.

Yep, this is correct. It's almost as if the childrens books are, shock horror, more for the CHILDREN isn't it?!

Also rolling my eyes that you're pressuring your 3 year old to read by herself (of course she's "not quite there yet, she's 3 FFS) and read to her younger siblings (again, shocker, she doesn't want to) because you think it's beneath you/can't be arsed.

Kids love being read to, they love the ritual and familiarity and it helps them absorb the knowledge without really knowing it. Enjoy your children's enjoyment if nothing else.

I could recite room on the broom from memory 🤣. Children like repetition, no one loves reading the same book over and over but I love the way my child enjoys it. If you really are unable to overcome this maybe get a tonies box or a yoto for them to listen to stories on.

I wonder if you might consider it from a MH / emotional regulation angle? Just thinking that I found playing with the DC about 100x easier after I started ADHD medication. I always felt like an absolute pile of shit TBH because I used to love playing with small children before I had my own, but the repetitiveness was almost unbearable and I hated the fact that I hated it and would constantly be trying to find excuses not to do it. What was wrong with me?? I wanted to enjoy it, and even if it wasn't my favourite thing I still thought it was important to do it and thought I'd be able to enjoy it from that angle.

Not saying ADHD is the only thing which could cause this as I'm sure it could be part of lots of things, but the emotional regulation effect I get from this medication seems to really help, so even if the game they want to play isn't especially stimulating or fun for me, I can just be slightly bored and tolerate that, rather than wanting to chew my own arms off. I would consider whether there may be something going on which is exacerbating negative emotions like boredom.

By the time I got to DC4, I was fed up of young children’s books. So I subcontracted the job of bed-time-story reader to DC3 (the deal was, I read a bed time book to DC3, which she was happy about - I may have conned her, a little, there).

Still had to put up with school reading books, but every little helps.

I have realised that the only books I actually enjoy reading to my kids are ones with a bouncing rhyming cadence that flows off the tongue. So I’ve curated our book collection accordingly!

You’ve got to be discerning about which books you have in the house. Just don’t buy/borrow the crap ones. Choose classics which are well written and with good illustrations. There are plenty of book lists online if you look for them and you can get books secondhand from eBay if they’re out of print.

Illustrated versions of poems are great too. My (adult) children can all recite The Owl and the Pussycat, The Jumblies, etc. There are loads of poetry collections for children as well.

Even the beautifully illustrated ones, or the ones packed with little ironic touches for parents? My favorites are Mog, Six Dinner Sid, Tiger who came to tea, Burglar Bill and Raymond Briggs’ Father Christmas.

We all like different things though - personally I hate pretend play and DD3 loves it. Do you have a DP who can read to them instead? I do think reading to young kids is important. My DP speaks French with DD and really dislikes reading. He makes up stories and spends lots of time with her playing Lego etc. but there is a huge gap between her English and French vocabulary and speech. I think reading exposes them to language that they don’t get in day-to-day communication.

11hours a day with 3 kids sounds hardcore mind numbing though, even if you were doing your favorite activity. Under 4s just don’t have that much interesting conversation do they?

I wouldn't say that I'm 'too intelligent' (and even less so well-educated) to appreciate children's books at all! Of course the point of them is what my children are getting from them, and they get a lot from them which is why I continue to do it. I find Room on the Broom asinine, not because I don't see that my children like rhyme, rhythm, and anticipation, nor because the values are lost on me, but because what my children are getting out of it doesn't really do much for me at the time. In the exact same way that they love music, but understanding why they love hearing a particular song or noticing patterns in their preferences does not cure the hate I have for hearing it every morning for months. It is not a lack of perspective, it is the gradual wearing down of my patience over the same content; over and over and over. I don't read my favourite books every day, because repetition may be comforting for children, but it's dull as sin for me! Some of my favourite songs fill me with dread now, just because my children took a liking to them. It's a shame for everyone involved, so if there is a way to enjoy repetition, I am desperate to find it.

Julia is one of the better Children's authors out there - I like the fact that her rhythms are tight and her rhymes are consistent, when a lot of author's don't bother (looking particularly to the sister books of 'We're Going on a Ghost Hunt' here). I love that she has a beautifully English cadence and attitude. However, I have read Room on the Broom so many times that I can only think "Christ, wear a hat pin and go away, I'm so bored!" No amount of my daughter saying the words on the next page, or my son pointing to the dragon and saying 'roar!' will fix that, even if it's nice to think about why they do those things in abstract. Unfortunately my tolerance is low; five iterations over the duration of my lifetime is often enough for me to want to banish a book, and I always go far, far beyond that.

As I mentioned, I know the broader point is that it isn't about me and I should do it anyway. I do do it anyway. But if there is a way I can enjoy this WITH my children, y'know, that'd be nice!

Perhaps I've come off as too harsh here. I appreciate looking at things from a developmental perspective and recognise the importance of helping children grow into themselves through fun and engaging means. I'm just sure it'd be nicer for them to look back on it and think 'Mum really loved reading to us', as opposed to 'I'm glad Mum read to us in spite of hating it'.

That’s brought back memories. One of the first books I remember reading myself about 40 years ago. What a dark tale!

I genuinely don't relate to this at all. I have a BA in English Lit, which did include fairy tales on some modules, but I've really enjoyed discovering some children's literature with my dcs. A well-written children's picture book can often be appreciated on many levels, including by adults.

One strategy I had was to go through lists of children's lliterature awards, eg Kate Greenaway medal, Carnegie medal. Sometimes we've picked books based on children's plays - those that are staged in respected venues are usually carefully chosen. A good library is worth travelling for - if you are in London I can recommend the poetry library at Southbank, Barbican Library and the reading room at the Wellcome Collection.

But really, even the trashy kids lit is fine too, if it gets them interested in words and engaged. And it won't be long until you can read the more interesting chapter books which I've loved to re-discover as an adult. I'd encourage you to continue reading/taking turns to read with your dcs even once they're fluent readers as it's such a nice bonding activity as well as improving oracy.

What makes you think I didn't read every word of your lengthy, insanely self-dramatising 'How can I HATE this LESS?' post?

Wow so much eye rolling and mean girl behaviour on this thread - what is up with you lot?

It was my eldests favourite book ‘Nernad’ as she used to demand! We went through three copies! It’s so dark!

Yes, she's three, and with that is a change in preference that is worth noting because it is a solution that has been previously explored and now no longer works. I am trying to articulate what we have tried so that no one on this advice-seeking thread recommends something we have previously done. There is no particular honour in reading adult books to her, this is simply 'reading adult books is a suggestion that has been tried, so if it worked for you, thank you, but is not currently a worthwhile suggestion for our family.' We read those books to her before she could speak, she had no concept of the story and just liked the sound of our voices. I know that, which is specifically why I identified that she likes stories that she can now independently understand; our voices alone are no longer enough for her. That is good, that is growth, it is also relevant to mention.

I never said children's books were 'lesser'! They're not! They're incredibly important, some of them beautifully written and beautifully illustrated, some of them dear even in adulthood. This post is not about IF I should read childrens' books to my children in spite of my dislike for them, it is about how I can make it more tolerable to do for myself. It is my preference to alter, not theirs. You're typing this as if I smack Elmer out of my woeful daughters hands, spit on it, and then pull out Dostoyevsky. What are you reaching for here? All day, every day I read age-appropriate books, and then, on some evenings, if the children are amiable, we all read 'The Christmas Carol' or something as a family. That's it, my god! I'm not forcing exclusively older books on my children, and previously reading older books has been an arrangement that she has enjoyed. Recognising this is no longer the case, we have adapted accordingly.

You read every word, I'm sure, just not without adding melodrama. I thought this jab would be clear to someone with your incredible lit comprehension. My apologies, my communication ability must just be too inferior.

I am focusing hard on teaching my daughter to read so that she doesn’t need me to read for her in the future. It is going quite well, but she isn't there yet. She is three, for context.

I found this really sad!

She is 3, and you are teaching her to read just so that you don't need to read to her!

My DCs loved me reading to them until they were at least 11/12. My DD even enjoyed me reading bits of her GCSE texts to her at 16. They were both capable readers - DD taught herself within weeks of starting reception, but there was a joy, and comfort, in us all curled up together sharing a book.

I also don't think it's fair to have her reading to younger siblings. None of them are getting the attention or the interaction from an adult that helps with the whole reading progress. She is not going to be pointing out things in the pictures, discussing a character's actions and feelings, or at later later stages, checking comprehension etc. There is so much more to reading with your child than just the book!

Please say you at least do the silly voices?!

It's entirely plausible, many relatives of mine are not exactly what I would call the standard model for mental health, but it is not currently something I am in a position to pursue, and I'm wary of that line of inquiry anyway. Thank you, though, perhaps exercises tailored to ADHD in childcare may prove helpful.

It's not about you, OP, it's about your children. To quote Oi Frog: you don't have to like it, you just have to do it.

Make your peace with finding children's books less than engaging, and get a grip.

Oh Gosh, I don't mean to say that I'm going to stop reading to her when she's learned - I've no intention of that at all! Just, maybe, she can take over on the fourth run or read to her siblings confidently if they all want to read something while I'm cooking dinner. Maybe instead of bringing me a book while I'm on the toilet, she can give it a peruse herself, you know? All of them love reading. I don't want to foist a job onto her she doesn't want, but if she does want to, and is happy to read to her siblings, then I'm not going to push to be the centre of bonding time all the time, it can be something that they can bond over without me, too.

I read to all my children, individually and together, I'm not going to change that. And yes, silly voices are a must - haughty mouse voice and booming Scotsman are the favourites!

That was something I pointed out on either end of the post, but thank you.