Was I wrong not to greet my partner's daughter's mother at handover?

[Anagomez]

I was a single mom and my son is now fully grown and in university.

My partner has a 10 y/o daughter and is co-parenting with a woman who is irresponsible, always causes trouble for us and unreliable which puts stress on us.

She is now upset because when I dropped off their daughter on my own, I didn't acknowledge her or greet her or talk to her to let her know what her daughter did in the morning. Her daughter ran to her so I turned around and left. We aren't friends and have never spoken. She is upset because she sees it that I disrespected her for now acknowledging her and her existence.

I have done hand offs, it is a short meeting wherein the child goes to the other parent, that's it.

Am I in the wrong?

"Disrespectful" the stick used to beat people over a thousand passive interactions 🙄

My ex thought i was Disrespectful going shopping when he saw his own children apparently I should have been rocking and wailing not food prepping 😒 so he called and demanded I pick them up I finished the shop first and went to collect them he then refused to open the door because he "didn't know i was there" so I text him to say I was leaving if he didn't that was Disrespectful too apparently

Im a Disrespectful women 😂

yes, its very rude not to even acknowledge her and sends a terrible message to your partner's young daughter. You should be an adult and rise above that. You don't need to be her best friend but a civil exchange is surely possible when you are with a young child who is not responsible for these issues, and is probably already feeling caught in a difficult situation.

That was a bit silly wasnt it.

This......you were very rude. Do you answer the door to delivery people without saying thank you?

I think sometimes the fake niceness is even worse.

She has not behaved well and caused you issues. Don’t speak to her.

If the children bring it up at any point all you need to say is me and your mum are not friends.

She sounds like a troublemaker. A goodbye to DSD as you do, is sufficient. You don't owe her mother anything. She can ask her daughter what she's been doing, which'll surely give her something to say to her on child.

Do you do a lot of the caring for DSD?

I mean, assuming she’s a human person, yes YABU

Not a good idea to let your step daughter see you be so rude to her mother. If you can't control yourself enough to be civil, your partner should be doing his own drop offs.

I’d be careful of listening solely to your partners negative view of his ex and try to consider what’s going on for her. Unfortunately speaking from experience

I had the opposite. Im the stepmum and I finally met my DPs ex for the first time at her end of year assembly. She completely blanked me and my DP - right in front of her daughter. It was the weirdest thing. We were all stood round, with other parents too, and the daughter, and she managed to completely blank us. He is used to it, but I was utterly baffled. I kept trying to catch her eye to smile and say hi, and tell her what a credit her daughter is etc. But she just kept turning her head away from me and body.
So rude, and utterly batshit - especially in front of her daughter. But the parents have always been like that with each other for years. No abuse either. Baffling.

Being polite is good for your stepdaughter’s wellbeing. Also probably not great to repeatedly refer to her as “the child”

Depends. Did the mother of child say hello?

@Anagomez
If she upset that you "disrespected" her
Does she not know you earn respect?
And if she's always being petty
It's the only power move she has
As her ex is now with you
Me? My alarm bells rang when she used
The "disrespect" word
What is she? A 15 year-old wannabe rapper or something who thinks she knows it all?
You did nothing wrong
She only said that to be snarky but
I suppose in an ideal world both of you would acknowledge the other breathing
Me?
There are people I haven't spoken to in 50 years but it's upto you but be aware she's always going to twist anything you say shes
Probably very good at 'he said she said"

Yes that’s a bit off key op. You don’t need to be an arsehole just because she it.
Remember: When they go low - we go high!

I wouldn’t give it another thought, she’s clearly a dick who doesn’t deserve your respect. She should realise you aren’t going to be her best friend and keep her thoughts about you to herself. It didn’t affect your partners child anyway as she just ran off, so no harm towards her. Why speak and pretend you like her when you don’t.

You should have modelled basic manners for the sake of the poor kid

dont you want the relationship to improve??

badly done Emma, badly done

You do not need to become best friends with her or anything, however, it's good manners to simply say "hello..." and knowledge her.

I think you were rather rude, but then I am old fashioned when it comes to manners and common decency / social norms

You don’t need to build a relationship with her, but basic human greeting would be nice.

I say thank you but I'm also face to face with them. In this situation she was a good 5 feet away from me because my step daughter ran to her. So we weren't within 5 inches of each other

Nope she didn't say hi to me either.

Yup. I pick her up and drop her off school. We do things together. She sees her mom every other weekend.

Nope she did not. Not even a thank you for dropping her off

@Arlanymor @cartagenagina agree with these posters...be the bigger person, this is her mum you are ignoring & disrespecting by mirroring her attitude. No matter what you think or feel doesnt come into this. This little girl should come first so please be the one to take control of the situation, smile & communicate. Give this child a goodbye, hug & wish her a nice time with her mum. It isnt worth the bitterness.

Poor child. Perhaps grow up and give them a chance of a better life than this?

Also i agree with @Jom222 , the first bit i also picked up on without using ex word is strange. I think her dad should be the only one doing handovers & noone else should be involved then you wouldnt need to worry.