Was I wrong not to greet my partner's daughter's mother at handover?

[Anagomez]

I was a single mom and my son is now fully grown and in university.

My partner has a 10 y/o daughter and is co-parenting with a woman who is irresponsible, always causes trouble for us and unreliable which puts stress on us.

She is now upset because when I dropped off their daughter on my own, I didn't acknowledge her or greet her or talk to her to let her know what her daughter did in the morning. Her daughter ran to her so I turned around and left. We aren't friends and have never spoken. She is upset because she sees it that I disrespected her for now acknowledging her and her existence.

I have done hand offs, it is a short meeting wherein the child goes to the other parent, that's it.

Am I in the wrong?

‘She complained to him that I never got out. So I started to get out of the car and then she complained about me being there.’

Again, the woman is rude, disrespectful, irresponsible, troublesome and lazy (CBA to collect her own child and expects you to alter your plans to drop her to her mother's house).

And yet still you have posters insisting that you are the rude one.

It’s like the upside-down on Mumsnet at times!

Well yeah, I would. But I'd also have said something during and in person hand over!

Yes I think it’s pretty strange to give someone the cut direct when dropping their child off to them.

Ok so you don't like her and she doesn't like you. You are both adults. Just acknowledge her, say hello or simply wave. Don't make things difficult for the daughter, she's stuck in the middle of this.

I don’t really handover my children now. They jump out of the car and go in and vice versa usually. If you went to the door then ignored her that’s different but I don’t think they need a hand over at that age

Be the bigger person, all it takes is 'hi, we've had good day, no problems, see you next week, bye' No one is expecting you to hug and kiss.

Yes, you are in the wrong. Just be nice, be kind.

You would have been in the wrong no matter what you would have done. Ignore her.

I think this is spot on

We've been in this situation with various ex-wives and having to put up with them for the sake of the kids when are you supposed to draw the line ? why is it always a "YOU" problem rather than the person who is actually at fault

That kind of behaviour is damaging to the child.
If you cannot at least be civil you should not be involved in handovers and should leave the childcare to your partner.

You don’t have to like or approve of her but my goodness it costs nothing to be civil and acknowledge her.

There is your reason why she is the ex. You want to be the bigger person, the adult and responsible one.

Stop looking for validation, accept it.

What a silly, naive foolish thing to say of course it's much better to be a hypocrite though isn't it !?!? you have no idea of the individuals backstory here and what she has had to cope with with this lazy awful irresponsible ex

Validation!?? What?

In other words you want a free pass to amp up the tension and disharmony?

You were rude. End of. And she will most likely feel justified in being even more annoying now, so you've made your bed there.

She sounds like a pain, but I think being civil is the better course of action. It's not a sign of approbation or friendship to wish someone 'Good morning' or say 'Hello'.

You need to be civil wether you like her or not or dont be in the relationship at least show the daughter the right way to be.

Rude- yes

Pretty bloody rude in my opinion.
The child does not deserve to be in the middle of your problem with the little one's mother.

I would just ignore her complaints. From what you've said about her, it really doesn't matter what you do, she will find something to complain about. I do think it's on the rude side not to acknowledge her, but I can also see why you want as little to do with her as possible. Nevertheless, since it's in front of your stepdaughter, who has no say in the situation she's placed in, I would go through the motions of being nominally polite (i.e., say hello). Not for the mother, but for your stepdaughter. The rest I'd just ignore, pandering to her requests isn't going to make a blind bit of positive difference to anyone.

You don’t have to be friends with her but you should acknowledge her and treat her with basic human respect. Her behaving badly doesn’t mean you should behave badly too.

If nothing else you should be role modelling decent behaviour to your partner’s daughter, otherwise you’ll be on here in a few year’s time complaining because she’s learnt from your example and doesn’t bother to acknowledge you any more.

I mean your not staff you saw the child safely away what more is she expecting a school type handover? She ate breakfast fussed about shoes looking forward to spending time with mum! Fml nope

Saying that I suppose a hi bye wouldn't go amis in future

This I really don’t like my ex husband and quite frankly he put me through hell and back but I model good behaviour and take the high road when he goes low.

Yes obviously you are in the wrong. That's her child show some.basic respect to both her and the child ffs