Was I wrong not to greet my partner's daughter's mother at handover?

[Anagomez]

I was a single mom and my son is now fully grown and in university.

My partner has a 10 y/o daughter and is co-parenting with a woman who is irresponsible, always causes trouble for us and unreliable which puts stress on us.

She is now upset because when I dropped off their daughter on my own, I didn't acknowledge her or greet her or talk to her to let her know what her daughter did in the morning. Her daughter ran to her so I turned around and left. We aren't friends and have never spoken. She is upset because she sees it that I disrespected her for now acknowledging her and her existence.

I have done hand offs, it is a short meeting wherein the child goes to the other parent, that's it.

Am I in the wrong?

So that’s what you’re role modelling to your step dd - that you can’t even be civil to her mum? Just because she behaves badly doesn’t mean you have to.

Yes. That was rude and there is no need for discourtesy.

Human relationships are hard enough, and a few manners go a long way.

It seems very odd not to say a few words, even a “she hasn’t had lunch” or “she had and early dinner but didn’t eat much” then a goodbye to the child and a nicety to the mother like have a good day sort of thing

It sounds as though this poor child is being raised by 3 teenagers.

Not acknowledging her at all is just ignorant I'm afraid.

A simple nod would have done and if you've never spoken, I don't believe she expected you to tell her what her child had been doing all morning.

Ok I understand what you are all saying. I agree with the hello. I will do that at the most. But her other allegations and complaints are that I need to talk to her about what I did with the child so she has something to talk about with the child.

You don't need to be rude, even if she is. Model the behaviour you want the child to learn.

Whatever has happened over the years, I think it is shockingly rude of you to have not even acknowledge the woman. There’s no need to have a friendly chat under the circumstances but to not even say hello is appalling.

Hi Amy, just dropping off Jenny. She’s had her breakfast at about 9am and after that we went for a walk in the park and then she did her maths homework and watched TV for an hour. I’ve got to go. Bye Amy, bye Jenny.

Really?

Despite the fact you two have never spoken to each other before?

Sounds like being part of a blended family isnt for you.... lots of red flags in your comments on here.

It is clearly unusual not to have a short exchange with another human being when handing over responsibility for a child, animal, or even a parcel. Your choice not to engage in any way must have looked very pointed and obviously rude.

She sounds like trouble and understand why you don't want to give her the time of day. But, as in front of the child, a hello would be fine and not too hard? No, you'll never sit there and chat like the best of friends but it does the little one no good to see two women who she cares about be so frosty.

Just be civil. Good morning, DSD had this for breakfast or she’s had a nice time doing this with us. See you next week DSD bye to the mum .

just civility.

And btw I think your partner should be dropping his kid back to mum not you as that’s his responsibility. Yours is grown up and at uni.

Yes, you were rude. If you can’t be civil, don’t do the handovers.

You should be able to say “Hello Emma, we went to the farm yesterday and Sophie fed some baby goats, I’m sure she will want to tell you all about it. Thanks, bye”

You were rude.

It doesn’t matter what grievances you have or the backstory, saying a polite pleasant Hiya alongside saying goodbye to your step Dd is all that was needed.

And you are setting a bad example and playing your part in a bad atmosphere.

Grow up

Don't stoop to her level. Your stepdaughter is watching, be the better, bigger person, for her sake.

She sounds like an absolute knobhead but I probably would have waved or something

Poor child- being raised by such an unfortunate bunch of immature 'adults'.

I would have said hello @Anagomez but I would not be drawn into conversation with someone who enjoyed causing trouble. Give away as little as possible.
Quick handover, smile and hello. Job done.
If she starts making an issue of this, or your partner does, time to stop doing the handovers.

YANBU at all. You’re human too. Laugh it off and tell your partner not to bother telling you such nonsense next time.

Surely you’d at least wave, though?

Yes, you’re in the wrong.
be the bigger, better person. It’ll just snow ball into
unnecessary animosity from now, which was avoidable.

Yup even if we've never spoken. She wanted me to give her ideas on what to talk about with her own child.

Nah a hello is all that’s needed. If pushed say “she is old enough to tell you what she got up to, got to run, bye!”

No, you're not in the wrong. She could have taken the initiative and approached you and introduced herself and thanked you for dropping off her daughter. She could have asked what her daughter had done in the morning. She sounds manipulative and entitled, so, actually, keeping contact to a minimum is probably wise. I suspect that, whatever you do, or don't do, she'll find a way to hold it against you. So, don't feel bad. You sound a great stepmum 💐