Would you take a neighbour's child to school every day?

[MintyElephant]

A neighbour, who I don’t talk too, other than the odd hello if we see each other, asked me if I could take her child to and from school every day as she’s struggling too because of her work - her child goes to same school as mine. She’s effectively asking a stranger to chaffeur her child around, what is everyone’s thoughts on this? Yes I’m going there anyway, I can’t do everyday as I don’t do everyday anyway. What would you say if someone you didn’t actually know ask you this? Would you do it?

First, this is a pretty big ask, especially of someone you don't know. But I confess to being a bit sympathetic as well. My first reaction would be that she must be pretty desperate to ask. The desperation could stem from some personal problems like recent separation/divorce, money problems, etc. She may have no family in the area who can help & it sounds like she's under lots of pressure at work. Any of those factors can put a lot of stress on a parent and none of us make the best decisions when we're stressed out. That's a long winded way of saying "give her the benefit of the doubt". It would be a kindness to offer to do it until she can make other arrangements. Make it clear you won't be able to commit to doing this every day. What happens if your child is ill? Her kid still needs to get to school. What if yours gets ill during the school day and you need to go bring them home?

op, I went to school in the 90’s! Neighbours took me to school! My parents are doctors so the community just took it upon themselves to make their lives easier! Mind you, whilst they didn’t babysit or return the favour in that way, they did do other things for the neighbours to help!
they have since moved away from the house I grew up in and the old neighbour was on their list as a guest to attend my wedding (14 years. Ago)
I probably would do it but as you are going to work afterwards I would be reluctant to say yes! Unless you both come to an agreement! You say she has offered to pay. How much are we talking? Do you need the money? Could you save it for your kids?

I took a classmate of my Daughter and his Brother. No big deal. It was a long time ago, but I think we did a week at a time.

That would be a no, I helped my neighbours take there kids as I offered and it want an issue and they were also my friends . Doing this for a stranger sets you up for trouble - you will be treated like hired help

Completely agree with you. A mother helping another mother. That’s how community works. So much negativity on a website for “mums”. Literally every post telling one mother to not help another mother in a bind.

For everyone saying just do it - she doesn’t know the kid at all. He might be a nightmare, violent, cheeky, rude… or he might be nice enough but is that a risk you’d take?

my daughter would be so uncomfortable with an older boy in the car she doesn’t know - why should the OP’s kid be made to feel
uncomfortable all in to name of ‘be kind’.

also no offence OP but you could be crazy, a dangerous driver, sweat like a trooper and so on - the point is the neighbour doesn’t know you but is willing to trust you with her child. Anyone that easily hands over their kid is never good news.

Don’t make you and your kids life worse for someone else, who really should have thought about getting her kid to school before moving there/taking the job etc etc

I always wish mumsnet commenters would put locations because honestly I’m so regularly shocked by the individualistic nature of responses. Where I’m from it would be quite normal to ask this and I’d absolutely do it for me if it required no additional effort. And yes I lived in Kent for a while and found people exactly like this IRL 😆

Shocking how bloody mean- minded some people are! I always helped out with lifts for other children along with my own. I was a teacher and had to go in to school. Then when I was eventually a single parent other parents helped me out. You get what you give in some way. It costs nothing to be kind.

I would do. I’m going anyway and I’ll always help someone out.

Glad you told her

wonder who she will ask now

When I was a teenager in 6th form and learned to drive, I took the 2 kids who lived across the road to school. Otherwise they would have had to take the school bus, which had a meandering route and took nearly an hour instead of 20 mins. It wasn't a problem for me and if I was sick their parents made other arrangements.
It's a nice thing to do and builds community. I would review the situation if the kids don't get on or if she expects you to do things that make you go out of your way.

I did this as a favour for a friend but her daughter was always late making my daughters late and the kid had tantrums before getting in the car totally ruining our family chats/giggles in the morning. She used to get out the car, either slam the door or not shut it properly then walk away no thank you or nothing :(

Ah. I see.

We did this for a neighbour's daughter from age 16 to 18 to save her getting two buses. We didn't know her mum well, just to say 'Hi' to in the local shop. Her daughter would knock on our door, be given car keys to wait in the car, and my husband or I would then join her with our son to drive the three miles to the school across town. I do wish we had had a day or two a week though to just have our son in the car to be able to chat with just him, instead of offering the lift every day.

I think it's a real cheek to ask you. I would never ask someone I didn't know well or even someone I did. Also I used to enjoy chatting to my own child on way in and out of school. Also the kids are lumbered with each other and don't even know each other. Different if they're friends.

Fo all those i would pay someone else's mortgage and donate both of my kidneys because I care

Asking a favour on occasion is normal asking for twice a day every day is not

I couldn’t do this. I’m not a morning person, neither is DD, so neither of us would enjoy it and I would find the additional responsibility, time pressure and worry about having a complete stranger’s child to look after when I’m not firing on all cylinders just too much in the mornings, especially as I need to get to work myself. I might, however, consider bringing the child home - the pressure is off in terms of being on time.

How about
"Oh, I know how difficult it can be. How about I'll take your child as often as I can, a couple of days a week - and you can take my little Susie on the other days?

OP has lost an opportunity to see if this stranger might actually become a friend. Friends start as strangers. Hopefully, OP will need no one else’s help ever because they will just consider her a cheeky fucker who feels entitled to, oh, maybe ask for a lift to A&E, and who is this rando making demands on me? I’m sure I’m going to be exploited by her in some way. I’m not having it. The judgement, paranoia, and all encompassing coldness on Mumsnet never disappoints. It is a given constant.

This woman didn't ask for a lift for her child because she was stuck or a lift to a and e in an emergency. She was looking for someone to commit to taking her child to and from school 5 days a week during the entire school year. I'm sure she would be happy to pay. She was probably told to ask around the other mums and someone might be glad of the gig - OP doesn't want it.

The gleeful "oh she'll be looking for a lift to a and e someday and won't get one" isn't a great look.

“Gleeful”? What is wrong with you. Nothing gleeful about it. Just sharing a different perspective.

Glad you said no.
Way too big of an ask.

My BIlL gave someone a lift - just one time.
Had a minor car accident and that person sued him and they got a nice wee sum of cash.

Sounds ok to me. It's what neighbours do.

I did say earlier in the thread that I don’t believe we would become friends.
I am not the sort of person who would ask a stranger for a favour and never have, so no, I would never ask a random person for a lift to A&E.

See now I have offered before but for a school parent that was actually a friend and their child was my daughter’s friend, so I would help someone out and would be open to it. It was more, she did not know me or take the time to get to know me, just approached me for the first time in years (we’ve been neighbours for 3 years) and asked me for a favour. And a big one? Lifts both ways 5 days a week? I can think of other ways of being kind and this is not it for me unfortunately.