Husband upset after my unemployed son criticised what we spend on car

[Incitatus12]

I am a teacher and don't earn a huge salary. My husband helped me to buy a fairly humble car, a 2nd hand Toyota. Hubby also pays for the insurance on the vehicle, so actually is paying most of the costs of the car. My son, 23, unemployed and living with his dad, made the comment that I should have bought a far cheaper car (not really possible - the Toyota was cheap, as cars go) and instead spent the money to support him. My husband is really angry at the comment, saying that my son, as an unemployed person, has no right to tell my husband what he should spend his money he works hard for, on. He no longer wants to allow my son to come over for weekends, because he says he's not willing to spend money supporting somebody he calls a deadbeat and who has the audacity to tell him, as a working person, how he should spend his money. I'm conflicted.

I hope you laughed in his face and told his lazy arse to go get a job.

Your son needs to keep his stupid opinions to himself, I doubt it's the first time he's said something to DH.

What are you conflicted on? You think your son might be right that your husband should be spending his money on supporting your unemployed son?

Does he think you and your DH should be supporting him financially @Incitatus12 ?
Is he still doing weekend visitation at 23?!
Yeah, totally get he's your son but my goodness, your DH has the patience of a saint.
If he won't get a job then he needs to figure out his own income.

That is way out of line. You know nothing about how OP brought her son up or whether she has ever "had it out" with him. People don't always adhere to the way they were brought up.

Of course, you care for him he's your son. That doesn't make his behaviour and opinions acceptable. He needs to work, make his own way in the world like everyone else. Your DH is understandably cross, but that doesn't make him wrong.

Team DH here. Your son sounds lazy and entitled.

What on earth is there to be conflicted about? Your son was massively disrespectful towards your DP, but rather than supporting your partner, you are showing a lot of defensiveness instead.

3 jobs, that he quit, and he also seems to think he's owed free handouts. He is immature and needs to learn to stand on his own two feet. And you need to support your DP.

So many assumptions leading to blame the OP. Not everything is the fault of upbringing, you know. Bullshit.

Did he say this to your husband directly? Or did you pass it on?

Your son shouldn't have commented on your car as it's none of his business and he was quite rude.

However, it's certainly not bad enough for him to be disowned and told never to darken your door again.

He's still your son and it's his dad who is supporting him, not you and your DH.

Has your husband always resented your son or is this something new?

And I do tend to agree that you seem to be sharing custody of a grown man.

How has it come about that he’s with you every weekend? Aren’t you and your DH yearning for the house to yourselves some weekends?

How I’d deal with this in the future is to starve your DS of information. He no longer gets to know anything about your finances and I’d also stop any current financial support for him bar asking him if he’s eating with you at weekends.

You shouldn't either enable your son or allow your husband to ban him from your house.

How round you feel if your DH son or daughter said this to you ? Your son sounds like a brat . I think he should apologise to your DH and you can tell your DH that is to be the end of it . But I bet your DH will never feel the same about your son . And I don't blame him . Your son is a one CF . Maybe that's why he can't hold down a job .

Your DH is probably fed up of having a lazy man child leeching at his house every weekend

Your son sounds like a spoilt, entitled brat and your husband has every right to be p... off with him. On the other hand I wouldn't disown my own son but he would be hearing a few very pointed home truths. You should not be supporting a 23 year old because he is too lazy or too self import to work.

I was teaching myself at 23! Not acting like a spoilt teenager. He's being a twat.

Like a pp said, this won't have been the first time he's tried to put you down/ make you feel stupid will it? Ds is still late teens, but he wouldn't care comment on how I spend the money I earn.

I don't think banning him from the house is the way, but def pulling him up on shitty comments. And maybe suggesting he go home early.

@usererror99
Im in agreement with you completely absolutely opiniated with leech-like qualities also has quit 3 jobs and id hate to say this but is trying to get a big as inheritance as possible which is why he's criticising his parents spending habits now but
May they leave all their hard-earned cash to the local animal charity or something similar

Your son needs to mind his own business and get a job and keep it. Your DH is completely in the right. As a mother I would be very ashamed of DS behavior.

Yep!

100pc OP
Very unfair of your husband to say he can't come at weekends.
The comment has been blown out of proportion.
Your son isn't 'a waste of space'.
Not a nice comment at all.
Take care OP

#TeamHusband

Team DH. And why are you sharing custody of an (massively entitled!) adult?

This. Young people make stupid remarks but we as adults just ignore them. And think..some day you will grow up. My ds would comment on the cars l drive..not cool enough etc. I couldn't care less. Your dh sounds like he is looking for a row.

Your son sounds like a lazy selfish entitled twat who needs to get a work ethic and not be such a brat.