Social referral.. never had this before and absolutely terrified

[Wonderland12]

Speech & language referred to SS apparently school have raised concerns also but not said anything. Allegations are dental neglect and that his teeth “look dirty” - has weak teeth dentist visit today confirmed reduce in sugar but otherwise all dental care perfect brushing by ourselves and no issue with brushing teeth all being done as should. Required some treatment which was given but nothing out of the ordinary or extreme. Dentist said it’s just where he has has previous treatment and stains it looks “dirty” but nothing wrong. He has routine appointments we attend all and he goes to any treatments they plan.

Permanent stain on school clothes - they raised stains or marks on school jumper. Clothes always washed but has got a permanent small stain about 5mm wide on one and a couple of very light pen marks on the other.. they don’t come out I’ve tried.

Says he has a dirty neck sometimes.. he has a bath at least twice a week, usually plays outside school in the mornings before they go in with his friends in the grass on the field & also eats a breakfast pastry on the way to school and he’s not a clean eater. Could be from that but he is bathed and cleaned regularly we are not dirty people!!

Now have to wait for a SS call or visit, absolutely beside myself as he is extremely well cared for the anxiety is horrific thinking people think he might not be cared for when it couldn’t be further from the truth

Nonsense. Unless taking part in strenuous activity or in very hot weather, most people don't need to wash all over every day. We lived for 30 years in a remote rural house with no mains water and couldn't afford water for baths for 4 people every day or the well would have run dry. We were still clean and "nice to be near."

Washing the body isn't just for removing mud. Children are people who perspire, go to the toilet and get exposed to various pollutants in the air daily. All of that needs washing off so they should at least be showering on a daily basis.

It's an opinion not a law.

Children need to shower or bathe daily. It’s gross to only do so twice a week regardless of whether or not they are “rolling in mud”. I really can’t understand how and why people think a child who sweats and poos only requires a shower a couple of days out of 7.
But in this country so many unhygienic things
seem to be the norm e.g. not rinsing dishes and allowing dogs to eat off the same plates as everyone else in the house so nothing surprises me.

OP, stop allowing him to eat pastries on the way to school for breakfast. It won’t be helping the teeth situation and the likely high sugar content will also impact his ability to focus at school. Sit him down at the table and try yoghurt with fruit, boiled eggs and wholemeal toast etc.

Put him in the shower more than twice a week.

There is a difference between clothes that have the kind of ingrained stains like pen marks that kids get through wear and tear vs unwashed clothes with food stains. Be honest about the state of his clothes and increase washes if needed.

Agree with all of this.
@Wonderland12 , I’m assuming you’re a working mum if he’s eating breakfast en route to school?
Pastries are generally a breakfast food, and the perfect convenience food, no less healthy than sugary cereal or jam on toast.
I’m sure he doesn’t only eat pastries?

ss has far greater concerns and extremely limited resources so unless there’s something else going on you should be fine.

my child couldn’t keep anything clean and once whites have lost their sparkle , especially near the end of the school year there’s no way I would have worried about it.

If he looks grubby he may smell grubby too. Especially with only a couple of baths a week. Do you wash his hair or supervise him doing it?
Is his uniform washed frequently so smells
clean even if stained? Same with PE kit.
Do you engage with school? Attend parents evenings and support homework and attendance? These are all things that will probably be checked?
I can’t see this meeting any threshold
other than Early Help unless there has been a disclosure you’re not aware of.

In my county a professional referring into social care should obtain consent from the parent unless there is a risk to the child by doing so.

I’m honestly so surprised that people are only bathing their children twice a week! We are all bath or shower daily people and I was growing up too, would never have occurred to me not to.

Needing dental treatment and to cut down on sugar so young isn’t great, nor is eating pastry on the school run, but as a teacher I don’t think it’s anywhere near the level we’d have concerns around at my school. I’d step up the baths though and check areas like neck, ears and fingernails as engrained dirt in these areas can look like longer term neglect and not just a child being grubby from play.

Why are all these kids eating flaky crumbly stuff on the way to school?

Ours eat while in their PJs first thing and then get dressed into their clean clothes, brush their teeth etc. I don’t get what other routine there could be?!

I was a very mucky child and my parents were reported. Nothing came of it obviously - because I was actually extremely happy and well looked after, I was just a grimey gross kid. I do think because my older sister was pristine at all times it did maybe looked bad? But I was just a little minger.

I know it’s hard but try not to worry. They’re trying to do their jobs at the end of the day and yes there will be false alarms but sometimes it’s not a false alarm and a kid really needs help.

No, most of what I said isn't just opinions, actually. However, I cannot mandate anyone to wash daily, and I don't think I implied it was the law.

I'd take the word of people who knew you over yours

Just saw this on Facebook. This is what happens when you don't wash often enough.

And you wouldn't have been told anything to my discredit I can promise you. It's perfectly possible to keep clean with a strip wash with soap and flannel if you have to. In my childhood I had to as I grew up in a small cottage in a moorland village in Lancashire in the 1950s where only the houses in the very centre of the village even had mains water and sewerage until I was a teenager in the early 60s. This obsession with daily baths or showers really is a first world privilege. 🙄

OP had better get scrubbing then
Its clearly a small step

Yeah...its barely neglect! Christ on a bike. At least hes getting 2 baths a week and being fed.

OP I think SS have a lot more to be dealing with. Im sure they will visit and go away as quickly.

Strip wash is all we had for many years and then an horrific rubber shower attachment that always popped off the taps and always seemed to be scalding.
strip washes often in a freezing bathroom, I tried to find ways to wash whilst staying dressed and keeping my clothes dry.

baths were rare and in our house started with the tiniest person up to the largest person sharing the same water, just topping up for each person.

Nothing in your op sounds SS worthy. Surely they have actual cases to support.

This obsession with daily baths or showers really is a first world privilege

Lol, you obviously haven't spent any time in rural West Africa @NotAtMyAge . There you'd be considered a filthy skank for bathing only once per day.

Same here. We didn't even have a bathroom in a 2 bedroomed cottage with 5 people, just a tin bath which my father brought up from the cellar once a week for our serial baths just as you describe. The water was heated in the Rayburn side boiler, so we bathed in the warm kitchen. We only got a bathroom when the little cottage next door came up for sale and my parents bought it and added it to ours. Such luxury. 😁

Where either everyone bathes in the river or the women spend all their time carrying the water home. You cannot tell me that everyone in rural West Africa has water piped to the house.

My dp grew up having one bath a week in a tin bath. Obviously infrastructure has moved on and so have people’s habits. I wouldn’t suggest we go back to that. But pre-pubescent kids aren’t being neglected if they aren’t bathing every day. Humans have evolved successfully over thousands of years without daily baths.

Two baths a week isn’t ok. That’s not good hygiene op. He starts the day off playing out, sweaty and messy eating, uses the toilet daily so why doesn’t he need to bath daily? Especially with this weather.
A child who doesn’t bath/shower regularly or daily doesn’t suddenly become a teen who does. Good hygiene starts from young. I also have two kids with severe eczema and not one of the paediatric dermatologists I’ve seen has ever said not to bath daily.
the rest doesn’t sound too bad but seems like they put a lot of things together to have been concerned enough.
it could end up nothing, so just wait and see

I deal with lots of safeguarding issues for young people in an educational setting. Reporting these things to SS doesn’t seem proportionate at all, more an overreaction. You have evidence that the teeth are fine, he baths twice a week, wears well used but clean clothes, eats pastries on route to school, has speech issues, gets dirty when he plays outside, is well cared for. He's basically clean, fed, loved and playful. The report will be closed pretty fast with no further action I'm sure.

Some people make reports through spite or because they live differently and lack perspective. I’m thinking of one particular mum with ocd whose kids have new pristinely ironed clothes, daily hair washes, organic pack lunches but are not allowed to play like other kids. Not allowed to roll down grassy hills or splash in puddles.

The point is that they still wash every day.

Have you seen what some of the Windrush generation have said about the appalling hygiene standards they found on their arrival?

All this is such bullshit. Why doesn’t everyone just worry about themselves and stop trying to come up with ‘proof’ about the righteousness about the topic.