Social referral.. never had this before and absolutely terrified

[Wonderland12]

Speech & language referred to SS apparently school have raised concerns also but not said anything. Allegations are dental neglect and that his teeth “look dirty” - has weak teeth dentist visit today confirmed reduce in sugar but otherwise all dental care perfect brushing by ourselves and no issue with brushing teeth all being done as should. Required some treatment which was given but nothing out of the ordinary or extreme. Dentist said it’s just where he has has previous treatment and stains it looks “dirty” but nothing wrong. He has routine appointments we attend all and he goes to any treatments they plan.

Permanent stain on school clothes - they raised stains or marks on school jumper. Clothes always washed but has got a permanent small stain about 5mm wide on one and a couple of very light pen marks on the other.. they don’t come out I’ve tried.

Says he has a dirty neck sometimes.. he has a bath at least twice a week, usually plays outside school in the mornings before they go in with his friends in the grass on the field & also eats a breakfast pastry on the way to school and he’s not a clean eater. Could be from that but he is bathed and cleaned regularly we are not dirty people!!

Now have to wait for a SS call or visit, absolutely beside myself as he is extremely well cared for the anxiety is horrific thinking people think he might not be cared for when it couldn’t be further from the truth

I mean this kindly but you need to read between the lines here a little bit, the unwashed clothes/grubby neck will be pointing to a generally dishevelled, unkempt and dirty look over a long period of time. If he’s arriving at school also covered in food, with uncared for looking teeth, it could point to neglect which the DSLs have a legal responsibility to report. My kids uniforms are covered in pen marks and I always say sorry but I’m not buying anymore for a while and they always say not to worry as they always look and smell clean. Start bathing him every other day if you’re not a daily shower family, breakfast at home with a wipe down and brush teeth every morning and evening, a clean school tshirt every day (even if it is stained) is important too.

Your child may be reporting no breakfast at home , could cause concern. Two baths a week could sound like minimal effort goes into importance of washing. Stains on school clothes , only you can know. Does he for example get fresh underwear , socks and shirt every day?

It all sounds fairly minor but no harm to get him healthier breakfast at table at home every day, chge to him having a quick shower a day etc. Getting into the habit of both these things is good practice anyway.

Best of luck op.

I understand what you’re saying but a quick flannel wipe down at the kitchen sink each morning would surely be the answer here?

I don’t understand what previous treatment at the dentist for a 5 year old could make the teeth look dirty?
And 2 baths a week isn’t enough.
It sounds like your child is visibly unkept and dirty which is a sign for concern, along with the SALT need. Perhaps care needs are not lacking enough for SS involvement but from your post there’s enough for a school to be concerned and report.

The things you mentioned seem low key for a SS referral. However poor dental hygiene/ looking unwashed and generally seeming uncared for would cause concerns around neglect. Are there other things you haven't mentioned ? Have school spoken to you about these things already because if they have and nothing changed then that would add to their concerns. From what you have written I would agree that if this goes forward it would be Early Help. On a practical level I would sort out his school uniform and do as much as I could to stop him looking grubby ( if he does) lots of little boys look extremely grubby but see what you can do. If there are other things again you need to address them. Is he persistently late for school or frequently absent, do you take him to all appointments? Those sorts of things. I would give him breakfast at home, brush him down and say no to messy food on the go.

Im just saying how the rest of the world sees white Europeans. It isnt racist. I am white myself. I'm just saying we have a reputation across the world for poor hygiene. Look it up yourself.

Wash your child and his clothes.

Well our GP recommended every other day, he seemed to think every day wasnt great for skin so I'm not sure it has been proven false. Washing every day is important, but it doesn't need to be a full shower or bath.

There is absolutely no need to shower or bath daily if not sweaty or dirty. Small children don't sweat in the same way that adults and teens do so, assuming he's not filthy, twice a week is fine. Harsh soaps, shampoo and hot water are not good for the skin if overused. The MN obsession about being ultra clean at all times is madness. Social services will not be interested in an otherwise happy and healthy kid who dodges baths occasionally.

It has. Google it. Daily bathing is actually recommended as part a treatment for many skin conditions. Oils and creams that are designed to be put on wet skin or used to bath with.

He is dirty though. He looks dirty and probably smells dirty too. That's why they've referred the family to SS.

Small children pee and poo, too. They don't wipe effectively. A lot of the time when a child like this is nearby, you can smell their dirty bottom where they haven't wiped and havent been washed.

There is a significant difference between not washing daily and only washing twice a week while visibly dirty.

The child has had dental work at a young age, has been referred to SALT, and his breakfast is eaten en route to school, which adds to the thought that the home is chaotic. I would get he is frequently late to school too. Maybe even a nunber of random days absences

But he is dirty. It is in the op. The school said he was visibly dirty and op confirmed blaming it on him playing out.

I can’t believe there are people who bath their 7yos everyday.

No way would I have done that for mine because it’s not good for them.

Most professionals agree that twice a week is fine and that daily bathing is harmful and so you’re literally just following professional advice.
If your DS does get dirtier than most then perhaps a 3rd bath or quick rinse would be beneficial but a bit of dirt never hurt anyone.

The uniform doesn’t need to be stain free but it does need to be clean.
You don’t need to wash it just wipe it down and perhaps alternate them so that he’s not always wearing the same stained one on the days he sees her.

If she’s seeing him after 10am then he’s obviously not going to be spotlessly clean.

Children are meant to be grubby and messy because that shows they’ve been running around playing outside like they should be.

The only thing that would concern me is the teeth.
It’s not common for 7yos to have bad feet and so I would have probably flagged this up myself too.
But it doesn’t mean that I think you’re neglectful.

SS will likely just give you a phone call and you can just explain.
There may be a home visit so give the home a good clean but this won’t lead anywhere.

These professionals have to be over the top because so much abuse gets overlooked.

Please do not worry.
There are kids who have no access to baths, no breakfasts and never have clean uniforms.

But OPs son doesn’t have a skin condition.

Professionals recommend 2 baths a week is sufficient and any more than 3 is damaging for children.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-your-child-need-to-bathe-every-day-202109202598

How do you know the age of the child? Ive missed that.

No OPs dont but people who want to dodge properly hygiene often use it as an excuse.

OP's child is visibly dirty. There is no question that child isnt being bathed enough.

I think I will trust my doctor over Google thanks.

"The trial found no evidence of a difference in eczema symptoms between bathing or showering weekly vs. daily."

https://academic.oup.com/bjd/article/194/3/450/8315016?login=false

I mean the NICE guidelines recommend these treatments and that is what your GP should be following.

Not bathing daily and continuing to have a pastry for breakfast in the car when dentist has said cut down on sugar are soft signs for neglect. Why isn't he eating a proper breakfast at a table @Wonderland12 ? Probably won't go anywhere but should make you think.

All of these things would add up and would be logged and likely our family support worker would be chatting with you as a parent to check everything is ok. It wouldn't necessarily be a social service situation unless there is more to this.

The stained teeth you have evidence for but maybe in school there were concerns that teeth are stained. I don't know if your child is verbal or how good their communication is (as you mention S&L) but they may have even indicated themselves eating lots of sweets and eating cake for breakfast (they might call the breakfast pastry that, plus if it is something like those chocolate pancakes that they are seen eating every day combined with staff noticing the teeth then this would perhaps be noted that the child isn't having a proper breakfast and eating on the way to school - which raises the question of why, is help needed here?).

The stained clothes depends on what exactly it is. You are saying the pen stains which is fine, all young kids have them. It's food stains the raise concern. If they spill their lunch and then seem to be wearing the same jumper again the next few days this is where the school would be trying to help in finding out if that is the only jumper you own and whether a spare could be offered. Maybe consider whether you are only using one jumper and it is being worn for several days and whether it is just pen stains.

If your child is coming into school with a dirty neck and staff see that they are not washing then this again raises concerns. Fine you don't want to do a bath each day but are you washing them instead? Staff work closely with young children and will clock if they are still dirty from messy play or just playing outdoors the day before. Your child might even be cleaned up at school and they might have said to people I don't have a bath and this flags up.

All of your points remind me of a child I worked with. This family did struggle and needed a lot of school support. While each thing alone seems minor it does build into something more which is why I am surprised no one from the school has met with you to discuss these things.

It's worrying that instead of just putting in daily hygiene in your regular schedule, you argue about whether or not to wash your child. It's really dirty. Want better for yourself and your kids and their partners.

It's mostly the children who fetch the water in fact - mostly from pumps or wells if there's no tap. Not easy but hygiene is prioritised: if there's any way at all you can, you wash all over morning and evening.