Social referral.. never had this before and absolutely terrified

[Wonderland12]

Speech & language referred to SS apparently school have raised concerns also but not said anything. Allegations are dental neglect and that his teeth “look dirty” - has weak teeth dentist visit today confirmed reduce in sugar but otherwise all dental care perfect brushing by ourselves and no issue with brushing teeth all being done as should. Required some treatment which was given but nothing out of the ordinary or extreme. Dentist said it’s just where he has has previous treatment and stains it looks “dirty” but nothing wrong. He has routine appointments we attend all and he goes to any treatments they plan.

Permanent stain on school clothes - they raised stains or marks on school jumper. Clothes always washed but has got a permanent small stain about 5mm wide on one and a couple of very light pen marks on the other.. they don’t come out I’ve tried.

Says he has a dirty neck sometimes.. he has a bath at least twice a week, usually plays outside school in the mornings before they go in with his friends in the grass on the field & also eats a breakfast pastry on the way to school and he’s not a clean eater. Could be from that but he is bathed and cleaned regularly we are not dirty people!!

Now have to wait for a SS call or visit, absolutely beside myself as he is extremely well cared for the anxiety is horrific thinking people think he might not be cared for when it couldn’t be further from the truth

But that’s what I follow . I obviously wash him more after rolling in muck or being plastered in sunscreen or swimming . But I don’t just throw him in the bath every single day routinely . That does not mean he stinks like piss and shit that’s all I am saying .

I think these are soft signs of neglect and it’s understandable that it’s been flagged. If it results in you accessing help that’s a good thing right? It’s very unlikely to go any further if there’s no more than what you’ve described, but it’s right and proper that edge cases like these should be investigated just in case it turns out to be something more serious.

on the bath front - it’s definitely an every day thing for me and my kids, I must be sensitive to smells as so many people really smell, to me!

It is awful, and has so many other impacts. Trying to form your words when you have teeth missing, especially at the front, is impossible. Kids are very self conscious about that. Plus the pain means kids with decay often refuse harder or rough textured foods that they find it impossible to chew, parents think they're fussy, often it's they're in dental pain bit can't express that very well, particularly if they have SEND.

Serious question, why are you so defensive and more willing to insult a total stranger's child before contemplating giving your own children baths more frequently? Many teachers here have confirmed that plenty of children DO smell and they can notice it.

lol insult a strangers child ? Talk about hypocrisy

Lots of things worthy of respect nose sensitive isn’t high up on the list.

telling people their kids smell of excrement and urine without ever having met them because they don’t bathe daily is hardly respectful either.

Why are you washing your child twice a week ? Do you do this on a hot summers day too , just bath him twice a week ? Why isn’t he eating breakfast before school and not on the walk to school ?
What concerns did the speech snd language have ?

I'm a bit confused by some of the replies on here. We Bath or shower or 6 year old more than twice a week for sure, but people on here acting like any kid not bathed every day will smell like actual shite or be visibility dirty is also weird to me. If they're wiping properly, washing hands after each go, washing face etc each morning/evening, washing up after eating and brushing their teeth twice a day, they are not going to stink because of skipping a full on bath for a day, possibly even two depending on circumstances.

I cannot be the only almost 40 year old (or older) here who was absolutely not bathed every day as a kid?? We didn't even have a shower until I was an older teen!

Weird comment on a post about neglect of children. Why turn it into a comment about this boy becoming a lazy and unhygienic adult "sweating over someone in bed" when he's currently by all accounts a fairly normal, just slightly grubby, kid.

I don’t bathe my kids everyday, they definitely don’t stink and are well presented. Mumsnet is weird.

People likely washed their own clothes. My gran always washed her undies in the sink or bath. They werent rich, just keeping clean and presentable was important to them

Because the cheesy dicked BO laden men women complain about were all grubby children one day

Because the idea of having to get up a bit earlier or organise the day better to wash the kid daily is so frightening

Yeah base layers. So knickers, vest/bra, an undershirt/tshirt, all those things are one wear only. Tights. Jeans and trousers maybe 2 days running or 3 if theyve had a day off. Depends on the weather though.

As many have tried to tell you, you become immune to your own smell.

Give over would you . Maybe go see a psychiatrist about your ocd

Look its 646 and you're up now... go and bathe your kid instead of arguing online that you don't need to do it more often. Wake up, both of you have a proper wash in the shower or bath, then log in to mumsnet and Snapchat etc.

Do you think this was aimed at men raised taking daily showers? Or the ones bathed twice a week?

I'm gonna jump in here to defend the bathing twice a week thing.
Some people are obsessed that their children need daily baths or showers..but actually they're really drying for the skin and not always a good thing.

As long as the child is washing: daily filling the sink and washing hands face neck etc. Alternate days for a bum wash is fine!

However, it does depend on the child. Some are smellier, or do sports, some hit puberty earlier etc.

My biggest pet hate is when kids (or adults) have dirty fingernails, because I think that's a telltale way of seeing someone is dirty and unkempt.
Soak hands, nail brush = job done.

OP I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, if you have nothing to hide then you don't need to stress!

Are people saying that though? I haven’t caught up with all posts on the thread but from what I could see people including myself were alluding to the fact OPs child has a dirty neck. This is info Op gave.

So we are not saying ALL kids who bath twice a week will look visibly dirty but in the case of OPs child he does.

Based on that she needs to step up with the baths/shower as that will likely solve that problem.

Also given the fact she’s being referred to SS, having worked in SS myself, I suspect her child may also smell too.

So while yeah I agree some kids may not smell or look dirty in that situation it’s very possible OPs does.

Yeah this thread a real eye-opener that explains why some adults have utterly appalling hygiene even though they look like perfectly normal members of society. They obviously grew up in homes where the mum only bathed then 1-2x a week, told them it's totally fine not to wash their bums every day and this was so normalised that they don't even realise there's something wrong.

A lot of habits are ingrained in childhood and even if they are expected to take more showers after puberty, it's much harder to build up a habit if they were told at one point that bathing 2x a week is fine.

The major difference between daily and non-daily washers is that the daily ones cannot physically go to bed or get up without taking a shower because they have been taught to stay clean out of principle. The non-daily ones have learned to only wash when they feel dirty, which is already far too gross. Feeling dirty or actively noticing a smell on yourself is subjective and, as proven in this thread, many don't realise that others can notice before they themselves notice.

Did she include nightclothes? Clean nighties/pyjamas for everyone every day? I really doubt it. You can't exactly wash those in the bath or sink, yet they spend a lot of time next to the skin overnight. Most people could manage clean undies and socks every day, but not every item of clothing that touched their skin.