Social referral.. never had this before and absolutely terrified

[Wonderland12]

Speech & language referred to SS apparently school have raised concerns also but not said anything. Allegations are dental neglect and that his teeth “look dirty” - has weak teeth dentist visit today confirmed reduce in sugar but otherwise all dental care perfect brushing by ourselves and no issue with brushing teeth all being done as should. Required some treatment which was given but nothing out of the ordinary or extreme. Dentist said it’s just where he has has previous treatment and stains it looks “dirty” but nothing wrong. He has routine appointments we attend all and he goes to any treatments they plan.

Permanent stain on school clothes - they raised stains or marks on school jumper. Clothes always washed but has got a permanent small stain about 5mm wide on one and a couple of very light pen marks on the other.. they don’t come out I’ve tried.

Says he has a dirty neck sometimes.. he has a bath at least twice a week, usually plays outside school in the mornings before they go in with his friends in the grass on the field & also eats a breakfast pastry on the way to school and he’s not a clean eater. Could be from that but he is bathed and cleaned regularly we are not dirty people!!

Now have to wait for a SS call or visit, absolutely beside myself as he is extremely well cared for the anxiety is horrific thinking people think he might not be cared for when it couldn’t be further from the truth

Teens who have lived with you since the day they were born and been raised with your hygiene norms?

It's fine not to shower or bath children daily
It's not a SS issue if you don't shower or bath daily.

OP should get the flannel or wetvipes going. It can work miracles. Might be OP's take from the thread.

Most of our childrens' friends look more or less scruffy. They're children. Not a SS issue or they would be very busy.

No clean sweat just smells like salt. It has a smell but it isn't like the sickening odour of old sweat. And that's me only being graphic about the odours that come from above the waist.

Breakfast should be eaten properly at home with the child cleaned up and teeth brushed afterwards.

Two baths a week is not enough for a child who is playing out and getting dirty.

Pen marks on clothes are not a problem.

Or she can just give her kid a 5 min shower every night if she can't be bothered with a bath. Why would you wipe your kid down with factory made wipes when you have fresh running water?

None of this sounds like an issue at all especially not for SS. Kids don’t need a bath every day.

I could imagine a school referring for a child not eating properly before school but even so it’s hard to know what you mean. Will he eat anything else?

Yes. They would absolutely tell me if I smell, and indeed have. Have you ever met teens?

But we were washed.

Schools do not refer to SS for dirty teeth.

Those who get a referral usually downplay what they have been referred for
...

When was the referral made? Back to school usually means a fresh set of clothes for dc so someone who is wearing stained clothes will stand more.
By the end of the academic year almost anything goes.
I think a face, neck and hand wipe down before going into school might be smart.
Nothing is terrible by itself but altogether does suggest a scruffy unkempt look, it probably won't go anywhere though.

A lot of people don't shower daily. No one admits it on MN. On MN everyone seems to shower twice a day or more.

I know as a cleaner that people get very accustomed to their own odour and stop noticing it or have always lived with it so don't know any different.

My DC didn't bath/shower daily
They never had visibly dirty necks or teeth (DD had to have four of her firsr molars removed aged 5 they had insufficient enamel and rotted)
They always had breakfast at the kitchen table and left the house looking immaculate.

On the fence.

As said with our DD2 it wouldn't be 5 min. to shower her. If only it was that easy.
Children are very different.

You’re not exceptional

www.mumsnet.com/talk/primary/5428211-how-often-are-you-bathing-your-primary-aged-children

SS should be focused on home environments of teens hammering down motorways in stolen cars not necks of primary age kids

My son has dental issues and had all his teeth removed he has had treatment to stabalise his enamel on his teeth that is actually black so if you don't know it looks like decay he will have veneers when he is an adult most likely he brushes his teeth it was ultimately nothing to do with dental hygiene he was born like it yes his fathers constant sweet giving aggravated it but 🤷‍♀️

Is there anything else you can think of op?

There may well be a link between what you see in the young child and what behaviour the older teen carries out

So you do smell?

Dentist said it’s just where he has has previous treatment and stains it looks “dirty” but nothing wrong. He has routine appointments we attend all and he goes to any treatments they plan.

Apologies if this has already been suggested. But I would be asking the Dentist to write a letter confirming this. I'm sure if you ring up and ask nicely.. or better still email and say you'd like to clear this up with the school who have raised queries and could Dentist confirm that

1. He attends routine appointments.
2. he does the treatment plans
3. some explaination of the stains and why they might look dirty but confirming the Dentists opinion that there is nothing wrong.

I'd also put it in writing to the schooll (and even take pictures of the pen stains etc and address whatever else it is that they've raised.

I think putting it in writing, with confirmation from the dentist would explain to the school and probably wrap the matter up. Keep a copy for the SocS

Well DS told me once recently that I did. I'd been out walking all afternoon. So yes, I did smell on that occasion. It's not a regular occurrence though

My dd has 2-3 showers a week. I think that’s fine at this age.

This.

I dont understand how people can only wash twice a week 🤢🤢 mine had a bath/shower every evening since birth. Might skip one on v rare occasion. I think anything less is poor hygiene tbh no matter the age...