Social referral.. never had this before and absolutely terrified

[Wonderland12]

Speech & language referred to SS apparently school have raised concerns also but not said anything. Allegations are dental neglect and that his teeth “look dirty” - has weak teeth dentist visit today confirmed reduce in sugar but otherwise all dental care perfect brushing by ourselves and no issue with brushing teeth all being done as should. Required some treatment which was given but nothing out of the ordinary or extreme. Dentist said it’s just where he has has previous treatment and stains it looks “dirty” but nothing wrong. He has routine appointments we attend all and he goes to any treatments they plan.

Permanent stain on school clothes - they raised stains or marks on school jumper. Clothes always washed but has got a permanent small stain about 5mm wide on one and a couple of very light pen marks on the other.. they don’t come out I’ve tried.

Says he has a dirty neck sometimes.. he has a bath at least twice a week, usually plays outside school in the mornings before they go in with his friends in the grass on the field & also eats a breakfast pastry on the way to school and he’s not a clean eater. Could be from that but he is bathed and cleaned regularly we are not dirty people!!

Now have to wait for a SS call or visit, absolutely beside myself as he is extremely well cared for the anxiety is horrific thinking people think he might not be cared for when it couldn’t be further from the truth

Did you ever try a shower?

Bear or no bear, I wouldn't let my child get away with not cleaning their teeth so bathing is the same. There is no choice. Especially for a toddler.

I really can't see this going anywhere if those are the only reasons for the referral. A few pen marks on a jumper, and white polo's looking less white are pretty common for primary aged children.

Baths you could probably increase to be honest, but again, a bath twice a week doesnt warrant a SS referral if he isn't visibly filthy. Some children have weaker teeth than others, again it doesn't always mean neglect. I guess SALT are doing what they think is right, but honestly I can't see SS doing much based on what you have described.

Is your child regularly attending the dentist and can you show his history?
The teeth is probably the largest concern out of everything you’ve listed. If there’s a permanent stain shirts are not expensive, particularly in places like Lidl and Aldi and places like Vinted often have bundles. Washing more that twice a week would be more sabitary, even if it’s a flannel wash at the sink.

Does he have shoes that aren’t falling apart? It was one thing I used to notice and I have had to flag shoes that were pretty much rags in the child’s feet or much too small/much too big.

Otherwise make sure your fridge and cupboards have food and your child has access to a clean bed, mattress off the floor, ideally tidy room.

Youve said two baths a week but how often is he washed? Do you at least wash his face with a flannel every morning and night? Are his ears clean? Are you physically there when he is washing himself and brushing his teeth or are you expecting him to do a decent job himself?

are you smokers? Washing him twice a week if you are smokers will mean he will stink.

do you thoroughly clean the house every week? Are his clothes ironed? If you are not managing to make his breakfast in a morning it sounds like you house could be a little unstructured.

Good for you being a so much better parent.

Of course we have showers. And does teeth brushing twice a day. Happy now?

You said you give her a wipe down with a wet flannel.

"We did flannel every day morning and before bed."

Bathing your kid is bare minimum. It isn't being a "better" parent

Young children dont need a shower or bath every day unless they have been rolling in mud. Small stain on school uniform? Who the hell is saying all this, the Gestapo?

Honestly, if school are picking up that he’s dirty then you need to be stepping up the number of baths he has - a dirty neck doesn’t happen because he’s eating breakfast on the way to school.

It all sounds a bit chaotic to me, in all honesty.

Children shouldn’t be visibly dirty in the mornings before school, which OP admits is the case.

@Lexibletheflexible I’m an adult and I don’t shower everyday. I’m sure there’s been many a mumsnet thread about this before.

@Wonderland12 What are you worried that SS are going to do? The bar for action from them is far higher than anything you have described.

Not great for the people around you. Especially those who are expected to be intimate with you.

All that nonsense about it being bad for skin conditions has been proven false.

My skin can't tolerate daily baths/showers.

Yes? And?

Children don't need a shower or bath daily. They can be perfectly fine with less.

All the best OP. I hope things can be stepped up on the hygiene front for him, especially teeth, and a nutritious breakfast found. I’m not sure why you are so worried, are there other aspects that you haven’t shared here?

When I was growing up, two baths a week was common but we washed twice a day, every day with flannel and soap. My daughters had a bath every evening when they were small, I don’t know if that offers any kind of yardstick but I think two baths a week is less common nowadays. What is the reason you don’t bath him?

Research shows that for most common skin conditions, daily bathing either makes no difference or is actually recommended as part of treatment.

Using the right products,/medications is what needs to happen. Not less hygienic practices.

As I said, you want to encourage good hygiene habits for children that see them through life. By the OP's own admission, her child is visibly dirty.

I don't care what "research" shows. I know what works for my skin.

Ok. Make sure you give yourself a good sniff before you leave the house without washing. Pits and bits.

Schools have a high bar for referrals so it sounds like things are being underplayed here. Persistent lateness, packed lunch being regularly forgotten, homework not undertaken, argumentative/combative attitude with staff? Thats the kind of stuff that would be written up alongside dirty clothes etc.

I’ve never had any complaints. Lots of people don’t shower everyday day. It’s fine that you do but it doesn’t mean everyone has to.

And lots of people absolutely reek. Recent heatwave should have highlighted that.

Why? They get washed with a flannel every day. The rest of me doesn't. And trust me, my teens would tell me if I was smelly. So would my best friend who I see most days. So I'm not worried. I do however, have beautiful skin.

if all is you say, then it'll be fine. try bot to worry!

I guarantee 90% of the posters on this thread grew up having one bath a week on a Sunday night 😜

I’m sure there were lots of people who reeked in the heatwave who do shower everyday 🤣

Where do you live @Wonderland12 that social services are involved for stains on clothes, 2 baths a week and stains on teeth despite the fact that your child attends the dentist regularly and the dentist has no concerns? It seems very strange.