Social referral.. never had this before and absolutely terrified

[Wonderland12]

Speech & language referred to SS apparently school have raised concerns also but not said anything. Allegations are dental neglect and that his teeth “look dirty” - has weak teeth dentist visit today confirmed reduce in sugar but otherwise all dental care perfect brushing by ourselves and no issue with brushing teeth all being done as should. Required some treatment which was given but nothing out of the ordinary or extreme. Dentist said it’s just where he has has previous treatment and stains it looks “dirty” but nothing wrong. He has routine appointments we attend all and he goes to any treatments they plan.

Permanent stain on school clothes - they raised stains or marks on school jumper. Clothes always washed but has got a permanent small stain about 5mm wide on one and a couple of very light pen marks on the other.. they don’t come out I’ve tried.

Says he has a dirty neck sometimes.. he has a bath at least twice a week, usually plays outside school in the mornings before they go in with his friends in the grass on the field & also eats a breakfast pastry on the way to school and he’s not a clean eater. Could be from that but he is bathed and cleaned regularly we are not dirty people!!

Now have to wait for a SS call or visit, absolutely beside myself as he is extremely well cared for the anxiety is horrific thinking people think he might not be cared for when it couldn’t be further from the truth

They are still a thing - though NHS dentists even for kids in this location are very rare.

Sometimes though mottled teeth enamel is just there and it sounds like that is what OP child has.

Twice a week bath in prepubescent child - and washes inbetween and clean clothes is fine.

Sadly you'll have to see what SS says - if it's just the mentioned factors I'd be very surpirsed if it went any further than a quick chat.

I do get how stressful it is - I was reported to HV who rang at worst time - because a nursury worker over heard half a conversation and decied instead of talking to me to report. Less than 10 minuties on the phone - but spent months feeling watched and judged and found lacking somehow.

Do you think pollution, crowded classrooms, synthetic clothing, feet in socks and shoes all day, were part of Roman life?

No but they still took hygiene pretty seriously nearly 2000 years ago. And imagine that people are trying to justify not doing that now....

Exactly. Because if you did, you'd just think fuck it and run the shower or bath.

But that's not what you originally said. You said that people who don't bathe every day can be smelled and that everyone needs to wash every day.

I'm pointing out that you can't establish that from people's smell: someone can go a day without showering and not smell, while someone else can shower that morning and still have noticeable body odour.

This thread is becoming a race to the bottom for hygiene standards.

I was just thinking that a lot of the people who are arguing against daily showers for themselves or their kids live in homes with 2 or 3 bathrooms. They may have even disturbed their community extending a home to add more, only to avoid it several days a week. Bizarre!

Yes for the most part they can because they lack that kind of minty fresh smell that everyday bathers have in the mornings. They don't always smell bad, but they do not smell fresh.

That's what I reckon. I have no problem with a not sweaty person or a child skipping a bath or shower for a day, if they have a proper bits and pits wash, and a face flannel and a good tooth clean twice a day, but I have every expectation this is exactly what they are not doing!

People who showered that morning won't in general have a body odour unless there's something wrong with them. Body odour is when the bacteria grows under the armpit/groin over time, and so if it's that morning, they won't smell unless they are very stressed, or wearing synthetic clothes or something. The thing is it doesn't last, and they would need to shower again in the evening most likely. Or use a natural deodorant like Fussy or Wild. Otherwise, it's washing and using anti-pespirant like everyone else.

There are a lot of musty-smelling people at the moment on public transport; I think it was the damp winters when the clothes didn't get dry, washing on 30 degrees, and general lack of hygiene. I would do anything to stop my kids being that child, I don't get how others don't.

You're revolting. Why would you say things like that about a child, let alone one you've never met?

Right, so now you're saying that it's not enough to be clean and not smell, you think they should have a minty fresh smell?
Again, that's not what you said originally.
Are you judging someone who may have showered in the morning, been to work, and doesn't smell like fresh mint (boggle) on the bus back home?

'Im just saying what is most likely when you don't wash a child properly every day. They srent veey good toileters so smell of toilet things. Kids urine isn't really as offensive smelling as adults. It often has this sweet smell that people often mistake as just the smell of children. It's that wet nappy smell.

But you know your kid is only 5, you can change this now by making an effort to bathe them every day and create better habits. Break cycles.

I know what body odour is.
You're still not accepting the point that if someone does not smell (I'm ignoring all you minty fresh nonsense for now) you cannot tell if they showered or not.
This is what you said upthread.

No I'm not judging them. I am just saying that we can tell when you haven't washed in the morning because you don't smell fresh. Some people will take note of it especially if they see you often and you never smell fresh first thing.

Instead of all this arguing, you can just rearrange your day to ensure you and kids are maintaining decent hygiene levels. All this pushback just makes me worry for your kids.

You can because they don't smell fresh. So if you regularly work with someone that never smells fresh in the mornings when you start work, you'll know they never bathe in the mornings. So for example, I might think you are more bothered about an extra 5 mins shuteye than your personal hygiene.

I'm not pushing back, I am challenging your aspersions.

You've gone from saying (in quite graphic detail) that you (we?) can tell when someone hasn't showered because they smell bad, to now saying you can tell because they don't smell fresh and minty.

You don't need to worry about my kids, they are grown and quite capable of taking care of their personal hygiene.

I can tell when my children last showered and when my partner did. I hope I don't get close enough to many people in my working day to tell, but I do occasionally on public transport. Mostly my family bathe and shower and smell fresh, but we are all up front if one of us is a bit niffy! I just say I think you need a shower! Clothes smell if armpits aren't fully clean or the deodorant stops working; hair not washed for a while (if the thin greasy type we all have) also smells. My dad and his wife aren't into washing so much and they unfortunately do smell of BO or slightly musty; I'm sure they think they don't sweat so much and that no-one can tell, and perhaps if you see them a way off, you can't, but if you give them a hug or get in close to them to show them something you can tell. I don't even care, I love them anyway but it is not true to say others can't tell.

I didnt say that, I said we can tell when you havent showered and we can because you dont smell fresh. If you never smell fresh, we know you never bathe sufficiently before leaving the house.

Really, stop pushing back and just change your hygiene habits. It might improve intimacy in your relationship, too.

It’s def more faff having a strip wash! I’ve had a couple of medical procedures after which I couldn’t have a shower for a week and standing up doing the flannel thing was a PITA. I didn’t smell but it was glorious having a shower once I had recovered!

How many smelly people do you come across?

I rarely smell that many people, though I don’t use public transport but even when out and about.

Maybe you’re just nose sensitive

I do use PT a lot. There are smelly people most days, even in the depths of Winter. I think some people are just accustomed to that slightly musty smell and so don't notice it.

I know I am nose sensitive, some of my friends are too. If you are not, you have to accept that some people are and they indeed will smell you if you don't wash fairly regularly, launder your clothes and dry them properly or wash your hair regularly. There is a range of sensitivities across the population, for some people being around smelly people is very unpleasant. Ask any teacher if children ever smell!

Read OP again, some posters are getting really carried away making stuff up

She said her son has at LEAST two baths a week - so could be more like every other day

Eats a breakfast pastry - a croissant is not high in sugar. (Yes it's also not the most nutritious breakfast but hardly neglectful). Maybe a breakfast pastry is something else, egg and bacon in pastry?

It sounds like she's cut down on his sugar a while back on dentist advice?very is everyone going on about his sugary diet?!

Her son plays outside before school and she thinks that's why he's getting a bit grubby.

My son draws loads on his hands. Even showering and scrubbing them doesn't always get all the pen off sometimes. Drives me mad. It does look grubby. But imagine calling SS over that?