Social referral.. never had this before and absolutely terrified

[Wonderland12]

Speech & language referred to SS apparently school have raised concerns also but not said anything. Allegations are dental neglect and that his teeth “look dirty” - has weak teeth dentist visit today confirmed reduce in sugar but otherwise all dental care perfect brushing by ourselves and no issue with brushing teeth all being done as should. Required some treatment which was given but nothing out of the ordinary or extreme. Dentist said it’s just where he has has previous treatment and stains it looks “dirty” but nothing wrong. He has routine appointments we attend all and he goes to any treatments they plan.

Permanent stain on school clothes - they raised stains or marks on school jumper. Clothes always washed but has got a permanent small stain about 5mm wide on one and a couple of very light pen marks on the other.. they don’t come out I’ve tried.

Says he has a dirty neck sometimes.. he has a bath at least twice a week, usually plays outside school in the mornings before they go in with his friends in the grass on the field & also eats a breakfast pastry on the way to school and he’s not a clean eater. Could be from that but he is bathed and cleaned regularly we are not dirty people!!

Now have to wait for a SS call or visit, absolutely beside myself as he is extremely well cared for the anxiety is horrific thinking people think he might not be cared for when it couldn’t be further from the truth

To all the people here who are fighting tooth and nail that it's fine to bathe a 7 year old twice a week, YOUR CHILD SMELLS. They are just too polite to point it out. Other children in the class can definitely notice your child stinks, the teacher notices, and other parents notice. DD regularly comes home mentioning that a specific few children in class always smell bad. She's too polite to mention it in their faces but it's almost inevitable that the kids hear it from someone at school.

Have you smelled the scalp of a sweaty 7 year old after just two days of not showering? They may not be in puberty but they sweat and bacteria feed on that. I also have serious doubts that a child getting bathed that infrequently is brushing and flossing perfectly twice a day.

Another good indicator is whether OP and her partner have dental issues or missing teeth? Parents with bad teeth always have children with bad teeth. It's funny how so many parents claim their children are brushing perfectly and simply genetically prone to cavities, have soft enamel etc but they themselves have half a mouth of missing teeth, fillings or dentures.

How do you know how often the ones in her class that stink bath. Have you done a study on it by measuring stink levels and asking how often their parents bath them ? Nah didn’t think so . Yes some kids do stink unfortunately but in most cases it’s not the ones who are following the guidelines of paediatricians and dermatologists

Two baths a week isn’t enough for a child, unless you mean 2 baths weekly and a shower daily?

The rule by grandmother always had was that any clothes that touch the skin can only be worn once.

It’s true. I remember as a pre-teen kid many of the kids who openly admitted to being soap dodgers smelled the worst. Now kids are a bit more savvy so maybe don’t admit to not bathing but you can often tell.

I am not saying ALL kids who shower twice a week smell but the kids who do smell are very unlikely to be the ones showering daily.
I am sure they are ALL from the “twice a week is fine ” families.

It’s probably more likely they are from a once in a week I might remember or I might forget sort of camp to be honest . Not a “at minimum twice a week regardless and more if needed “ family .

They are not the guidelines, they are a minimum bar for care for god sake, learn to read if you’re going to use it to justify yourself!

Please don't worry OP. I was severely neglected as a child, over half a dozen fillings by 10, filthy clothes, shoes never fit, had nits for at least 5 years, never had any school lunch or books, very dirty, nails were so bad my friends and I took turns to pick the dirt out with sharp pencils.

SS didn't do a fucking thing. Despite a million referrals, they even came to my school to interview me once.

I needed intervention badly. I got none. It wasnt until I had my DD and got access to my medical records that I realised I was on a child protection register from the age of 9.

You sound like a kind loving mum. And these sound like ridiculous minor complaints. Maybe up the baths a bit but we have set the standard far too high these days, all these kids walking around smelling like Mrs Hinch. Clean and cared for is all that matters

Sadly I was neither

https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing

I quote “Guidelines from dermatologists”

Dermatologists do not publish guidelines which advocate for children stinking . Read it . Seriously .

Exactly. And parents who claim their kids don't smell are obviously so used to the default pong that they don't even notice. Just like how many adults are unaware they have BO or bad breath. They simply have a much higher tolerance for disgusting hygiene so in their eyes, they haven't done anything wrong. This is comparable if you travel to third world countries where people cannot bathe regularly out of necessity. Taxis, buses, trains tend to be smellier and nobody is going to be wasting water washing their kids every day. But everyone has the same tolerance level so it's not a big deal.

In countries like the UK, kids who don't get bathed are definitely noticed by others. The jobs and education levels of the parents are irrelevant tbh. I've seen highly educated professionals who allow their children to touch and mouth filthy things, roll around the ground in public places, sit in dried dog piss etc. And other mothers who may not appear "high status" but are very aware of their children's hygiene and regularly wiping their hands and mouths.

Can you post some actual evidence to back this up that isn’t just your opinion and anecdotes

My daughter is 5 and I can't imagine bathing her 2 days a week. They're humans like us, they sweat etc.

This might come as a shock to you, but dermatologists only care about health, not smell. Those are guidelines aimed at preventing serious skin issues related to not bathing. So once or twice a week is the absolute minimum a human needs to prevent scabies, lice, rashes whatever.

The dermatologists are fully aware that any child bathed once a week will probably smell like shit but they don't care because they are advising you from a medical standpoint. Having foul body odour is a social issue, not a medical issue.

In that case your grandmother had a lot more spare time and money than mine or you're talking about a time when laundry equipment was more generally available. Who did the huge amount of laundry that rule implies for the usual fairly large families of that time and where? Where did they dry and store all these clothes and how could they afford them?

No that is not correct at all . It’s about hygiene and basic care . Again read the article .

@User7989776 its very clear you have very little medical knowledge . Over washing will not prevent scabies or lice

It literally says you can wash your children every day though, there’s no reason they are saying 2 times a week and more in multiple normal daily scenarios, sweat, outside play, sunscreen. So really over summer it should be daily. They are saying 2 is the minimum, nowhere does it say the recommended amount 🤦‍♀️

You can but you do not need to . Adolescence and puberty is a different scenario and washing is required much more often . A previous poster suggested by whole family stink cos I didn’t bath every day as a child . It’s simply not true that every child who doesn’t bath daily stinks

But every child that stinks isn’t bathed daily.

I find it hard to believe a normal active 5 year old never engages in outdoor play, is never messy, never sweats, never wears sunscreen … all reasons given by your own link to wash children more than twice a week.

I read it. Absolutely nowhere does it say that only giving your child a bath 1-2 times a week will prevent them from smelling like shit.

Those two things aren't mutually exclusive. You can be hygienic from a medical perspective but still smell bad. The bacteria that causes the stench isn't harmful to health so from a dermatologist's perspective it's fine to have 2 baths as a basic hygiene routine.

What puzzles me more is why so many posters on this thread are hellbent on denying their children more baths?

Yes I used to work in schools and it’s a shame when the kids smell. I have a lot of patience for them because I know it’s completely not their fault but I do get a bit irritated when so many adults smell on public transport.

I was coming back up north from my mates on the train a while back and this seemingly fairly normal looking man sat behind me and the stench was so bad I turned around to look at him before grabbing all my luggage and moving to another seat.

I found public transport in developing countries in Asia and Africa much less smellier than London or Manchester or Glasgow I’m afraid! The people I know in those countries make sure they clean every inch of themselves daily, even if it involves using a bucket of water in a similar way to having a shower. Of course you will always get some individuals who don’t follow the “rules” but people typically don’t think it’s ok to shower twice a week.

This was in towns and cities admittedly- I don’t know how things are like in more rural areas of developing nations.

Underwashing clearly doesn't increase IQ either

If she was taking that really literally e.g. skirts, dresses and trousers, not just underwear and base layers then that really wasn't the standard for when tin baths were common.

Um I wash every single day for a start. Secondly it’s hilarious you are using lice and scabies as an example inappropriately and incorrectly when scabies is not prevented by washing and neither are lice. Again google .
I doubt you are a member of Mensa yourself lol

My kids not not smell like shit . Maybe teach your kids how to clean themselves appropriately after the toilet if your kids stink like shit .