Social referral.. never had this before and absolutely terrified

[Wonderland12]

Speech & language referred to SS apparently school have raised concerns also but not said anything. Allegations are dental neglect and that his teeth “look dirty” - has weak teeth dentist visit today confirmed reduce in sugar but otherwise all dental care perfect brushing by ourselves and no issue with brushing teeth all being done as should. Required some treatment which was given but nothing out of the ordinary or extreme. Dentist said it’s just where he has has previous treatment and stains it looks “dirty” but nothing wrong. He has routine appointments we attend all and he goes to any treatments they plan.

Permanent stain on school clothes - they raised stains or marks on school jumper. Clothes always washed but has got a permanent small stain about 5mm wide on one and a couple of very light pen marks on the other.. they don’t come out I’ve tried.

Says he has a dirty neck sometimes.. he has a bath at least twice a week, usually plays outside school in the mornings before they go in with his friends in the grass on the field & also eats a breakfast pastry on the way to school and he’s not a clean eater. Could be from that but he is bathed and cleaned regularly we are not dirty people!!

Now have to wait for a SS call or visit, absolutely beside myself as he is extremely well cared for the anxiety is horrific thinking people think he might not be cared for when it couldn’t be further from the truth

Her son is also visibly dirty with terrible teeth by her own admission.

@Lexibletheflexible
He also attends the dentist regularly and the dentist is not concerned.

No it isn’t don’t be ridiculous. Who do you think you are ? You should be ashamed of yourself to be honest

Where are you getting “not concerned” from?

The child required dental treatment and was told sugar needed to be reduced, clearly due to the impact on teeth. The child has also received additional dental treatment previously, so quite a lot for a young child.

What cycle are you talking about ?

@Lexibletheflexible just because you have children who must be unusually smelly and sweaty doesn’t mean everyone does . Children do not sweat and smell the way adults do . They do not need to bath every day .

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-your-child-need-to-bathe-every-day-202109202598

maybe you should read some actual evidence from medical professionals and get down off your high horse accusing people of having children who stink of piss and shit cos they don’t do exactly what you do

I'm not sure I agree with this take.

"At least two baths a week" implies that some weeks, it is only two. If it was every other day, I'm sure that's what she would have said.

It's not the breakfast pastry alone that's the issue, it's the fact that it's eaten on the run (rather than at home at a table) and that he then arrives at school covered in food and crumbs.

OP herself says that the dentist only mentioned reducing sugar today (so, yesterday when she posted), so not something that's been done yet. The fact that he's needed a fair bit of dental intervention at 5 and a dentist has had to tell her to change his diet is worrying, imo.

Playing outside before school doesn't give your child a noticeably grubby neck, which OP says the school have noticed a few times now. That happens when days of dirt are caked in and not being removed properly.

I think calling SS is absolutely appropriate here. While each individual issue isn't a big deal, putting them all together gives an overall picture that isn't ideal.

That's not what the OP says at all. It says that the dentist isn't concerned about the stains but that he/she has told OP to reduce the amount of sugar her son is eating. That, combined with the fact that he already needs treatment at age 5 is hardly ideal.

Not even in the temperatures that we have recently been having??

But he is also visibly dirty.

This isnt evidence. Please just bathe yourself and your kids and stop making excuses.

The poor hygiene cycle. Grandparents who barely wash. Parents who barely wash. Kids who are brought up by 2 pervious generations that fight to stay out of the shower.

Going to repeat this post. If you arent regularly bathing your child's bottom half under running water, they will smell like urine and faeces.

If you know you don't wash your kid regularly and you can't smell urine or faeces, it is because you have become accustomed to them smelling that way. That goes for everyone.

My family do not barely wash excuse me what the hell are you on about inventing nonsense . Nasty nasty bully

I haven’t read all the posts but I agree with this :

"At least two baths a week" implies that some weeks, it is only two. If it was every other day, I'm sure that's what she would have said.

I think also people sometimes over estimate their hygiene practices, so “twice a week” could also be “once a week” sometimes!
If he is playing outside on grass every day, I feel he should be bathing more than twice a week especially in the warmer months!

And yeah the grubby neck doesn’t sound like it’s from playing on grass. I’m a 90s kid and I remember seeing that on kids who were known to not bath/wash properly and frequently enough . They often smelled quite bad and unfortunately some kids did make unkind remarks.

I wonder if OPs son smells and that’s partly why the SS referall has been made?

What exactly is the breakfast pastry OP? I used to eat pastries for breakfast (when I was young and slim!) and many of them aren’t healthy for a breakfast.

And to add to that I used to live in a developing nation where some people didn’t have easy access to running water.at least back in 2015 which is when I went last.

I recall helping a family I was staying with fill buckets from a nearby tap and carrying it back to the house when there was an issue with the house water .

Full body washing via “bucket baths” at least once daily was non- negotiable there even in the cooler months and more often in the heat.

I noticed no matter how poor people were there it was very rare for people to smell badly in public transports like they do here. I have noticed that in a number of developing countries.

The few you did find who smell usually had extreme mental health issues. Whereas it’s relatively commonplace in the UK to end up gagging on a bus or train due to the smell Of passengers.

Sorry but I do think it’s a cultural thing with so many being avoidant about personal hygiene despite how easy it is to shower here!
I have lived in the U.S. too and I found they
(Except their homeless population). showered more than here too!

@Lexibletheflexible in all honesty though there are certain bacterial and fungal infections that make people smell soon after washing. They don’t get cured by normal shower gels and need antifungal and antibacterial ones . I strongly recommend you go to the gp to get your kids checked. It’s not normal tor them to smell that bad they need a wash every single day

Can I flag the ‘ just nose sensitive’ as dismissive and invalidating. If you’d been told being nose sensitive was part of autism you’d speak respectfully of it. This cherry picking what to respect and what to invalidate makes us a hypocritical society.
Let’s respect noise sensitivity, and nose sensitivity shall we?

when I was at school there was a girl with appalling body odour. It was truly awful. We liked her and tiptoed around it and eventually her best friend plucked up courage to tell her. Her response? She didn’t believe it. Refused to believe it. Carried on smelling truly awful. Dire thought that some people simply can’t smell, or can’t smell themselves.

Wash your kid. He deserves to know what it feels like to be properly clean

I posted earlier some links to articles saying similar with quotes - one from a usa dermatology association and one from a UK pediatrician in an article that baths 2-3 a weeks for children is fine and normal- which is what OP says they are doing.

For some reason entire post seems to be waiting for MN to have a look so someone reported it I assume.

The Op basically has wait and see what is said by SS but I'd be very surpirsed if it boiled down to only having at least two baths a week.

I’m perfectly fine with how I wash my kid. It’s in line with what paediatricians and dermatologists recommend. Not some weirdo from mumsnet with ocd and abnormally stinky kids . But thanks

My kids don't ever smell bad because they wash every day. Part of what washing regualrly does is regulate the flora of your skin so nothing like fungus or bacteria gets out of control. Honestly, change your hygiene habits and set new standards for your family and you'll slowly start to become come cognizent of odour generally. If youve got an unwashed Anus within a few feet of you at all times, you will think that arse smell is natural.

It isnt OCD to bathe daily. The fact that you think normal hygiene is compulsive lets us know what we can expect from your household. Being dirty and smelly is a choice for adults and imposed on small children.