Allowing a 14-year-old daughter to stay at her boyfriend’s house

[Tlt5]

Where do people stand on allowing their 14 year old daughter to stay overnight at a boyfriend’s house?

Nope. Neither of my kids would even ask the question. Insanely young.

DGF is in a nursing home permanently. There’s so much more we’re aware of these days and so much more we need to protect them from. I’ve not had one conversation with DDBF parents!!

You doubted yourself on a very obvious no. It’s worrying and I stand by you need professional help.

No her period

Thank goodness. Thank you for clarifying.

If they are asking to sleep over at each other’s houses then they are almost certainly already sexually active. So I would be practical and make sure you’ve had the contraception chat and make sure she knows where she can access it if she needs to. They’ve likely not ‘gone all the way’, but that doesn’t mean they won’t soon.

Her BF is 14 in the year above her. She’s one of the oldest in her year being a September baby. I’m shocked they’re not backing me up I really am!!

I disagree! The ones who are ok with DD sleeping at her BFs (which she shouldn’t have anyway) and constantly try to gaslight me to think otherwise need the professional help

Behave

@Tlt5 Doesn’t sound as if you have much support. No sisters or female friends that could support you and DD? What is the BF like? I can understand that you may not want to have contact with his parents or it may not be possible. How is school going?

If it were me OP, I would make contact with the parents of this lad, sit down and talk about the situation. They could be as unsettled as you are. If they are not, they too sound very irresponsible.

I don't have a daughter, I have a son, adult now. But when he he had his first serious girlfried, and they were both 16, I did allow them to go to each others houses, but never to stay the night.

He’s a very sweet lad, very polite but still a hormonal teenage boy!! So they’ve not started back at school yet. I have given DD my contact info as apparently his parents asked for it…..I’ve not heard anything from them and I would expect to if they’re are ok with MY DD staying there to check if I am….which I’m not and I really don’t care if they are the nicest people in the world the answer would still be the same and I would hope if they were decent people they would respect that!

There is nothing wrong with a teenage relationship or even teenage sex. They should be for fun though. Allowing overnights condones a level of intimacy and seriousness that is simply inappropriate.

You might as well tell your child you don’t actually care about her future. She should be prioritizing her education and her future career goals, not playing house.

I know someone who's parents alowed it. She gave birth at 13.

Ummmm no!

It's the age that is inappropriate more than anything else.

Some 13 year olds get pregnant whether they sleep over or not. We put a lot of things in place to discourage sex (even now she’s 17), but we don’t have a blanket ban on sleeping in the same house as her boyfriend.

Absolutely it’s the age. She’s technically not even14 yet

Pretty Baby vibes on this thread

daughter underage

just say no

and beware of pleas from daughter to
stay at grans or aunty’s for the weekend
iykyk.

Absolutely not a chance.

If they are actually wanting to bonk, at least that proves untrue the recent reports that young people are too chastened by their phones to do anyhing physical / sexual with other human beings.

I'd still stay no! (which makes me a hypcorite because I was 15) But saying that, I'm very relived to know young ones still want to 'do it'. Even if we have to stop them from doing so.

I’m not sure what you mean by "Pretty baby vibes" if honest and not being funny just genuinely don’t understand lol! I’ve said no I think it’s a joke. She’s already "ran away" to DGM but I have "find my" on her phone

I think young people will always want to do it....it's human nature.
It's up to the adults to educate and control it...(not always possible I know)

Absolutely not. We have a pregnant 15 year old in our extended family. Her mother was being trusting too.

Even if they weren’t going to end up sleeping together (which, come on.., it’s going to happen) I think even the act of spending the full night together cuddling while they sleep is just too intimate at that age.

She may hate you for standing firm and saying NO now, but when she's an adult and maybe with her own child, she will be very grateful that you protected her with safety and boundaries in mind.

When I was that age I was "allowed" to have a bf stay overnight, and stay at his (he was in his twenties....🫪) and it fucked me up, long term, having no parent willing to look out for me and actually put rules in place to show their love. It's taken a lifetime to heal from the damage. Yours doesn't have the age gap, but the same fact remains- she is a child. And needs telling what is acceptable and what isn't, legally and emotionally.