Allowing a 14-year-old daughter to stay at her boyfriend’s house

[Tlt5]

Where do people stand on allowing their 14 year old daughter to stay overnight at a boyfriend’s house?

Your mum should do the right thing and send her back home, to reinforce your point!

I’ll report her myself is she does

Will your mum let her sleepover at BFs?

I have read your posts about your mum playing you off against each. This must be so difficult. I have a very close relationship with my 15 year old DGD but respect 100 % her DM, my DDs authority over everything.

Your DM doesn’t seem to be a good role model for your DD. What is your relationship like in general? This must be such a worrying time for you. A young DD with a BF and a DM who undermines you. The situation is so precarious for you and your DD.

Never going to happen.

I honesty don’t know if she would without me consenting or not. As for my daughter I feel because she doesn’t have a great relationship with her father I get a lot of the blame for that, I understand why to a point but I am not in control of his actions. She’s very manipulative and tells a lot of lies. I’m hoping that as she gets older and starts to understand more she’ll realise how her behaviour hasn’t been ok but that doesn’t help now!

Hell would freeze over before I would allow this

Ummmm….no!

Are you mentally prepared to bring up a grandchild?

Hell the fuck no.

Going through life full of unreasoned judgment is enough to make anyone speechless, I guess.

OP, you remember being 14/15 right?

12 year olds holding hands, talking, hanging out with groups of friends watching movies, playing video games and sport, and sometimes having a (chaste) sleep over (in separate rooms) like they do with other friends. In families that talk to each other, have high expectations and firm boundaries. Never heard of that of that in Jeremy Kyle, but I don’t watch it.

She’s 13 not 14 until mid September and yes I do! My father is a strict African American and I wouldn’t have even dreamt of asking this question! Also at that age I wasn’t interested in boys that way, I had a lot of friends male and female, I grew up in a village we all know each other. I was 17 before I lost my virginity….thats still young and it wasn’t in my parents house or his!

Definitely not, especially as I know what I was up to at 14

I don't but I have friends and relatives who do its insane to me

No. At 15, I was in a relationship with a 14 year-old who lived quite far away. I was invited to stay. My mum actually came with me. I still got raped (if it counts as rape given that we were both underage) in his bedroom. Parents in the same house.

So your DD is 14 in a few weeks time…

I understand your lived experience. That said, you DD is interested in boys at her age as she has a boyfriend.

im in England, but if anything happened at this sleepover that would be “statutory *ape” regardless of consent due to your DD’s age.

I think you are just seeking reassurance is other mums would also say no.

my DD is very young but when she is this age (and under 18 tbh even though the age of consent here is 16) my answer in this scenario will be no. I think it’s ok to give an unpopular “no”; I bet when she is in her 20s you and her will have a conversation and she will say “of course you were right to say no!”

I would not be letting my 14 year old visit, much less stay over, if I had never had contact with the boyfriends parents.
Seriously, I wouldn't be happy with her even wanting to stay.
Have you had a good talk with her about early sexual relationships yet?

I’m in the UK too so I’m well aware of the laws which is EXACTLY why my answer is categorically NO!! I’ve never even had a conversation with his parents! Yes I’m seeking assurance as I know people will have their own opinions and views but the fact that this has been portrayed as me being a totally irrational overprotective mother….thats what’s really bothering me!!

Absolutely no.

@Tlt5, it sounds as if you have got a fight on your hands. Is DD in contact with DGF?

It is quite sad when girls get caught in BFs so early. I know it happens, but not exclusively. I was just like you OP, and lost my virginity at
17 not in my home or his. So for PPs who say this is normal it is not. One persons normal is not everyone’s.

My 15 year old DGD is the same. Crushes but no BF yet.

Some of stories you hear of young girls running away from home, teen pregnancies and even abuse at such a young age. All for what lass, stupid boys that go off to another ASAP.

Go on all now tell me that your DDs who met their BFs at 12 and have been bastions of probity.

Yes as she was an early starter at 10!! I sourced books especially for girls in that position as I was 14 and knew a lot more about it so it’s been a topic I’ve stayed very on top with

Absolutely no way, I wouldn’t even allow mine to go to a boyfriend’s house. She doesn’t have a boyfriend. But if she did, he could come over to ours and hang out downstairs. I’d happily take her to meet him somewhere, go to the cinema. Overnight visits absolutely no way.

She started having sex at 10?

She certainly was an early starter; it must be very worrying for you, but it's great that you have sourced books applicable to her age group.
I find it distressing that the females in your family dont back you up....they are wrong, you are 100% right.
How old is her boyfriend?