Allowing a 14-year-old daughter to stay at her boyfriend’s house

[Tlt5]

Where do people stand on allowing their 14 year old daughter to stay overnight at a boyfriend’s house?

Very unhelpful of your mother and sister to be undermining you when they should be doing the reverse and supporting you. I'd be very cross.

Good lord.

That poster replied to me to ask 'in what way' is that really bad. I am speechless.

No way would I have allowed this.

I’m very cross and very upset that my own mother hasn’t even tried to talk to me about this and my sister has had to play the middleman and not helped at all! But since I’m so terrible at trying to enforce rules that I feel are totally fair in this scary world we live in she can stay there and hopefully in time she’ll understand more and realise everything I did for her and her younger brother is because I love them and want to keep them safe!

Is this a serious question?!

😖

God no! Unless you are planning to be a young grandma

An additional thought. I have thought since being a late teenager myself that 'my house, my rules' needs to apply in this context. At the time, I shocked my closest friend by saying that I didn't think her university boyfriend should sleep in her room when she went home as her parents didn't want him to do that.

Honestly I thought I was going crazy! I’m 36 but I’m old fashioned?? I thought I was just protecting my TEENAGE daughter and being a good mum but apparently not….

That is now why she is staying with her Nan

Take heart. Things can change. My DD's now fiancé won't share DD's room at home. They are 23. Christian upbringing.

It’s called respect and I’m all for it

Again, if this is real, you need some parenting lessons OP. The fact that you had to check this wasn’t normal is worrying. Get professional help.

What in the Jeremy Kyle is going on here?! 12?!!

Do not do this. Our 14 yo daughter constantly badgered us to allow her a sleepover with her boyfriend.

We were a hard no.

Three months later they split up and he was upset so in the months since he has been badmouthing her with his friends. They have been quite nasty. I am SO relieved that there was never any sleeping over that could be used to badmouth her or give her a bad reputation/make fun of her. I think she is glad as well.

Our job as parents is to protect our kids and allowing 14 yo’s to sleep over is failing in that.

How has she taken it? She is too young to understand how ridiculous this is.

There was a thread a few weeks ago where the posters teenage daughter woke up in the middle of the night to find her step brother masturbating over her. This had happened on previous occasions. The idea that my teenage DD could be in an environment where she is making good choices and still has to contend with that type of behaviour would be the deciding factor. For mother is an idiot.

when the people you’ve grown with and are the closest with and are FAMILY question the rules I make as a parent over and over it’s hard not to feel like I’m going wrong! Having and wanting some assurance I’m doing the right thing as a parent doesn’t mean I need professional help thank you! As far as I’m concerned my mother and daughter need it for thinking my parenting is "bad" because I enforce logical and fair rules!!

Your mother and sister don’t sound very bright. Is there a man in the family (her father, grandfather or uncle?) who is decent and cares about her? Because I can guarantee he will be very against her sleeping away at a boyfriend’s at that age. Men tend to be less naive about these things.

What in the actual f*?? The thing is I’ll say I don’t know his mum I don’t know his dad I don’t know anything about them you want sleep over their house, what if he’s a perv or even worse…..but I’m being "overprotective".

There is no need for this. Crazy talk.

She’s gone to stay with my mum

One of my exes had his first girlfriend stay in his parents house after she had a massive fight with her parents. They were put in separate rooms. She was downstairs and he was upstairs…and she got pregnant. He would sneak down after everyone else went to bed (knew exactly which stairs creaked etc). They were 16, she had a miscarriage and they broke up. He always said they were way too young to be dealing with it. It screwed his head up for a good few years.

Her dad is in out of her life but he would never allow it and he wouldn’t be happy if I did either which is PERFECTLY VALID!!!

Is your mother going to have the boyfriend round?