Swim instructor ignored our wishes about stranger fear

[FunnyLemonExpert]

Our 8 month old DD goes to swim class, shes been going for 3 months. She's started stranger fear now so we've asked instructors to not to hold her.
We should have the same instructor each week but we've had 5 different ones now. The first 4 listened and didn't touch her or just held her hand.
We had a class on friday, another new instructor and a trainee. Trainee is lovely.
DH forgot to remind the trainee to not hold DD so he helped her into the pool, she immediately cried as someone else held her. DH was in the pool trying to calm her down while class started. The trainee threw her a little rubber duck to help calm her down.
The other instructor then marched over 'dad, can I have her'. DH did not say anything so she took my crying DD from his arms and started doing the exercises with her. DD was now absolutely wailing. DH just stood there like a lemon.
I said excuse me 4 times until the instructor bothered to look at me. I said 'she's scared of strangers'. DH took DD back and handed her to me (i was not in the pool).
This instructor then berated me repeatedly saying DD needs to get used to her face and should be held by other people. This went on for several minutes, couldn't really hear much from the wailing. DH and I had said nothing else to her while she was ranting at me.
I took DD to get dressed and we left, she was in the pool for less than 5 minutes and cried for nearly 2 hours.
I've emailed the company with no response but we have another class today, no idea who the instructor is
DH thinks we should leave this company. I love taking DD swimming and she usually loves splashing about and floating, should I just skip the classes with that instructor or am I massively over reacting?
I spoke to my HV about it and she said I did the right thing and not to force baby to be held by other people

It is almost farcical that your DH FORGOT about his own daughter’s “stranger danger” and you and him are now up in arms that the instructor didn’t remember. You couldn’t make it up!! Imagine being @FunnyLemonExpert at the school gate???

8m old babies don't need swimming " lessons". Just having fun in the pool with parents or caregivers the baby is comfortable with is enough.

You either want them to teach her (at 8 months!) or you don’t, if she can’t cope with the lessons, take her yourself.

Instructors can’t start having to remember individual whims of all the different people they teach.

I loved taking both of mine to swimming lessons from an early age. Was a lovely thing to do together.
They both went through short phases of not liking being held by others. Its a totally normal developmental phase.
The instructors would just pick a child to demonstrate with if any of them were being clinging to their adult.
Not a big deal for them.

I'd find another class with an independent company if you can.
Ours was almost always the same instructor.

Why the hell does an 8 month old need an “instructor “. And why was she crying for 2 hours over this . I am sorry but I find it very hard to believe she was crying for that reason. You sound like hard work

The baby was feeding off the insane anxiety of her parents no doubt.

O think I’d be screaming for 2 hours if I was around this pair

Still not sure how a swimming instructor is supposed to teach an eight month old to swim without holding them!

I thought the “chuck them in at the deep end they will swim or drown” school of swimming instruction had been disproved.

Maybe the instructor has the child in a harness on the end of a rope and pulls them through the water very fast.

Or the lesson takes place on dry land until the child is old enough to follow instructions.

As others have said OP save your money, take your child swimming for fun and building confidence in the water . They are learning nothing except that their father is an incompetent parent

I’m with the save your money gang

as is my DH. Who was a swimming instructor.🤣 He always felt the baby thing was a con

Instructors come and go a lot in that industry massively, due to a lot of them being uni students. Some go back home, some get pissed the night before and don’t bother coming in.

All seems a little FTM OTT…

Swimming lessons at that age are for the parents not the baby.

The instructor asked permission and took your husbands silence as acquiescence.

you have blown this massively out of proportion.

not sure why people are so against the lessons. We really enjoyed water babies. Of course it’s abit of a rip off and yes you could do it yourself but we looked forward to it and having something booked motivates me to go. She can’t swim obviously but she has confidence in water and learned to hold on to the side. Yes I know I could do that myself but I didn’t want to. My daughter doesn’t go to nursery so we like to do structured classes though the week wheee she interacts with other people
and children. She’s just turned 2 now and has moved to the council run classes but water babies served its purpose. People get so bent out of shape about what other people spend their money on.

She didn’t learn to hold on to the side at 8 months old. Like everything else at this stage, baby classes are to meet the parents need given everything happening in a baby class can easily be done at home by parents. From the point of social connection for the parent it’s fair enough but if baby clearly doesn’t like it, stop doing it.

I would stop the lessons, whilst it can be a nice thing to do but there is no real need at her age. Just take her to the pool yourselves. The main thing at this age is that she feels safe in the water and if she is struggling with strangers that won't happen.

Why are you wasting money on lessons for an 8 month old baby??

Just take her to the swimming yourselves and let her splash around with a few toys.

Having watched lots of kids get really scared in swimming lessons and it become counterproductive to their progress I would recommend no formal swimming lessons until DD is already confident in the water. Go to a swimming pool together, play, when she’s older try sinking toys in the shallows - ours naturally started diving under for them. Then we had some formal swimming lessons to build on that. Also - a two week swimming holiday with a pool will achieve more than years and years of weekly lessons.

As a more general piece of advice - if you don’t feel comfortable about your children being in a place or with a person then remove them from it, and don’t worry about the many people who will tell you you are wrong (there’s nothing like child rearing to invoke unsolicited and unwelcome advice). But also let it go - letters, emails, complaints - none of these people or companies will GAF. Just move on.

Your response is spot on. Some very precious parenting going on here.

lol but you’re absolutely right. Such a fuss over nothing. Helicopter parenting at its best.

So you and your DH agreed a policy of no strangers holding your baby. He completely forgot about it with the trainee and then let a complete stranger take his distraught daughter out of his arms without so much as a murmur? Is he always such a drip? Doesn’t that frustrate you? I mean, it’s not like he had to be aggressive with her. A simple No thank you, she doesn’t like strangers, she’ll calm down in a minute, would have done.

I’d cancel the classes completely. She’s not going to be learning to swim for ages. It’s more about getting her to be familiar with the water so she’s not intimidated when she does get old enough to actually learn how to do it. There’s nothing the instructor is doing that you couldn’t do yourself.

For all the people frothing about swimming lessons for babies, it's really just a baby group in the water.

You sing a welcome song, play games fetching toys and splashing, teach them to hold on to the side, blow bubbles in the water, dip their ears, splash their toes.

That's it. Has the benefit that the instructor will usually help you a bit with getting their costume off as you get out and they're lifeguard qualified in case something goes wrong.

They're not necessary, but they're a bit of fun, and the instructors don't have an illusion that they're anything else either - just a way to funnel babies into their classes when they're older.

Though it has to be said my 2.5yo could doggypaddle independently and float his legs up with armbands on whilst his cousin was still clinging on to mum at the same age, so it has its rewards for us.

I totally agree.

At 8 months it's just about getting used to water and gentle splashing etc

Wait til she's older for proper lessons - maybe when she starts school.

X

Oh to be an incompetent dad! Whether dropping off at school, Rainbows, picking up from parties etc it will always be someone else’s fault re forgotten lunchboxes, failure to turn up on time, not listening to instructions etc! 😀

Jesus. Your going to have a long road of complaining if your react like this to everything.

It's normal for swimming lessons for the instructor to take the baby. They must see 100s of kids a week and can't remember ridiculous requests. Your husband had chance to say something (although still silly!)

Holy cow. You spoke to your HV about this!?!?! Is that woman’s number on speed dial due to the exceptionally unmedical, mundane, petty things you speak to her about?

Stranger fear!?! Now I have heard everything. You are being ridiculous and completely overreacted.

And no mention of your husband. Is he a secondary character in your family with no say or control of your child?

OP this is crazy all around.

Please leave the swimming group OP. They are probably on minimum wage and don't get paid enough to deal with this drama.
With respect, your baby is 8 months old. They have all their life for lessons. Relax, take them swimming yourself and with your husband until you are all a bit more confident and resilient with other people and different environments.

Loads of baby classes don’t have much “point” beyond being a way to get out with your baby with a definite purpose! I did them all… I loved it! Still friends 16 years later with some of the parents I met on them. Fond memories.