Swim instructor ignored our wishes about stranger fear

[FunnyLemonExpert]

Our 8 month old DD goes to swim class, shes been going for 3 months. She's started stranger fear now so we've asked instructors to not to hold her.
We should have the same instructor each week but we've had 5 different ones now. The first 4 listened and didn't touch her or just held her hand.
We had a class on friday, another new instructor and a trainee. Trainee is lovely.
DH forgot to remind the trainee to not hold DD so he helped her into the pool, she immediately cried as someone else held her. DH was in the pool trying to calm her down while class started. The trainee threw her a little rubber duck to help calm her down.
The other instructor then marched over 'dad, can I have her'. DH did not say anything so she took my crying DD from his arms and started doing the exercises with her. DD was now absolutely wailing. DH just stood there like a lemon.
I said excuse me 4 times until the instructor bothered to look at me. I said 'she's scared of strangers'. DH took DD back and handed her to me (i was not in the pool).
This instructor then berated me repeatedly saying DD needs to get used to her face and should be held by other people. This went on for several minutes, couldn't really hear much from the wailing. DH and I had said nothing else to her while she was ranting at me.
I took DD to get dressed and we left, she was in the pool for less than 5 minutes and cried for nearly 2 hours.
I've emailed the company with no response but we have another class today, no idea who the instructor is
DH thinks we should leave this company. I love taking DD swimming and she usually loves splashing about and floating, should I just skip the classes with that instructor or am I massively over reacting?
I spoke to my HV about it and she said I did the right thing and not to force baby to be held by other people

This

How do you teach a baby to swim
without holding them?

The instructor said “dad can I have her” and he handed her over. She hasn’t been grabbed without consent, and you’re overreacting and being dramatic by making it sound like an assault if being grabbed without consent and saying the instructor marched over. You’re paying an instructor for their expertise, if you don’t want this interaction then just take your baby swimming instead of instructed lessons.

You need to get a grip. Your baby is 8 months old... Teach her yourself as it's so important to you or wait until she's older.. I'm going to take a guess and say this is your pfb!

Good god what have I just read! You are going to raise the most precious little creature ever… and swimming ‘lessons’ for an eight month old is silly.

Your barking mad

Bloomin heck OP, you really know how to make life difficult for yourself!

This seems like your DH didn't handle this well. He handed your 8 month old to the instructor and that isn't what you wanted.
Perhaps you need to just take your baby to the pool yourselves until a bit older.
Or perhaps your baby will become more familiar with the instructors with a bit of time and exposure.

PFB?

I would just take her swimming and let her enjoy splashing around with you and your dh, @FunnyLemonExpert. What she will benefit from most right now is learning that swimming is fun, and gaining confidence in the water. You can teach her how to float supported by you, and to be honest, I don’t see why you couldn’t teach her more - I’m sure there is advice on the internet.

I am sure she will get over her fear of strangers - but I also think it would be counterproductive to make her go to strangers when it makes her so distressed. If I were you, I’d be letting her set the pace, but encouraging smaller steps - like letting a stranger hold her hand, as you mentioned in your OP - so she can see you and dh aren’t handing her over and you are relaxed and confident about the ‘stranger’, so she can relax too.

My eldest granddaughter went through a phase of refusing point blank to go to either me or her other granny - she was fine going to men, but we were persona non grata, and she cried if her mum or dad tried to hand her to us. We both just backed off, let her choose who to go to, and just let her see that we were there but weren’t going to do anything to upset her - in the background, if that makes sense - and the phase passed.

I have no issues with the swimming class. It's cute and kids learn to be in water and you had fun together. I think stranger fear is made up and you need to loosen the reigns. She was already crying before he handed her over? What makes you think she is scared of people ?

Let me guess, first baby. In a few years time, you'll laugh at yourself for this.

This can't be anything than a mock post...stranger danger as a baby. It's amazing what people can think up to illicit reactive responses to create a thread of drama lol 😆

Why will @FunnyLemonExpert laugh about someone distressing her baby so much that she cried for 2 hours, @Minnie798?

There are ways to help a baby get over fear of strangers, but surely distressing them that much will be counterproductive! And I speak as someone who has three dc and three dgc, so no pfb here.

I don't think it's real, someone gets kicks out of pretending to be the most extreme overprotective and offended anti parent.

Just so you know you don’t need to
do any swimming lessons at age 8 months. Especially if she’s scared of strangers and instructors are dicks (and change every lesson). She’ll enjoy it more if you just splash around with her.

and yes I’ve done these lessons with the first, they are just a gimmick

Or perhaps he isn’t over anxious and was fine with it

She doesn’t need swimming lessons with an instructor at 8 months old. Just take her swimming yourselves.

Her 8 month old cried for two hours after being held by a stranger for a few minutes. Yeah right.

my thoughts too.

Just wondering how an instructor is going to teach your baby the basics of moving in the water if he/she isn't allowed to touch her. How does that even work? You or your partner hold the baby while in the water, and the instructor shows the moves while staying on a safe distance? Did you really find a club where they agree on this???

Seriously, jack the lessons in and have fun in the baby pool just you, dh and dd.
This is a total non issue. Presumably this is a class to introduce parents to one another and get possibly struggling parents out of the house. Yet you're hovering at the pool edge causing unnecessary drama. YABU

Ok, but my point was the DH didn’t say any of the things to the instructor that OP didn’t want to have happen, so if it is anyone’s fault it is the DH’s.

I agree the crying for 2 hours thing is ridiculous and not about the lesson per se.

I’m unsure why you’re so upset with the company when your DH handed over DD! This is completely on him I’m afraid

You clearly have no idea on baby swimming. My children have had lessons from 4 months old and swam independently by the time they were 2.5.
no way I’d dunk my baby under the water without the lessons being supervised by the instructor showing me it’s ok. They get used to being under water, holding their breath and swimming.
friends that didn’t start till 3-4 their kids cry with every drop of water on their face.
Baby swimming is just another form of spending time with your baby that’s also useful - the only and best class I spent money on. Parents are offered lots of rubbish stuff to spend money on - baby sensory, etc, swimming is actually super useful to start them swimming independently early.