17 year old not passed test - took my car out at 1am in the morning

[ThisBlueQuail]

My 17 year old son who has had 2 driving lessons took my car out at 1am in the morning - would you stop driving lessons?

Parking is the least of the concerns

1. it was theft. Whether he planned on returning it is irrelevant. He took it without permission. This is a crime.
2. he was uninsured. Uninsured drivers are committing a crime by driving. This is the second crime he has committed
3. had he hit someone, he could have injured them or killed them and/or done the same to himself.

I would certainly not reward him with paying for driving lessons. I would be reading the riot act over the fact he could have had a 2-5 year prison stretch in front of him and been banned from driving, all of which could affect future career choices, not to mention a lifetime of guilt if he injured or killed someone.

I would also be ensuring my keys were locked up so he couldn't go for another joy ride

I understand everyone’s response to this, however, if I can just say I did this 40 years ago. Ok it was 7pm but not any less dangerous. When I realised how difficult it was to drive and how stupid a decision it was I was mortified and I didn’t do anything like that again. No one I know now would believe I did that. I had a very senior position in car insurance for 30 years. I didn’t get any consequences because my mum didn’t realise. My friend drove her car back. There was a spate of it when I was growing up and 1 parent did report their son to the police. That stopped it! Anyway I’m just saying this to assure OP that good kids do stupid things sometimes

I can’t see any other posts from ThisBlueQuail relating to a child taking drugs?

I would cancel the lessons. He is not ready to understand the seriousness of owning and driving a car if he cannot grasp the idea that breaking the law before he has even passed his test is ridiculous. I would not want this young man on the road, so he needs to delay his lessons for a year till he is a bit more mature.

Ahhhh now I’ve found it.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/teenagers/5543482-thc-vapes

I wouldn’t be spending ANY money on lessons full stop, and even less willing if he’s spaffing all his cash on cannabis.

Was he off his tits on THC when he was driving the OP’s car on a dual carriageway at 1am?!

Are you serious, op? Why are you being so wishy washy? He's literally committed a crime - it's the equivalent of driving without a licence! Are you always this soft?

Don’t stop the lessons. There are other punishments, driving is a useful tool that he’ll need to get work soon

It is a useful tool, but he is simply not mature enough to use it. The driving public will be put at risk.

Don’t stop the lessons. There are other punishments

It's not (solely) about punishment. It's about whether the op's son is a fit person to be behind the wheel of a car. He isn't. OP should be doing whatever she can to keep him off the road.

Yes and if there was a second time I'd tell them I'd report them to the police.
They could kill someone.

Yes, absolutely. I would review in one years time. Ensure you secure your car and put a tracker on it. If he ever takes it again, call the Police. I would be inclined to remove him from the insurance but then you are placed in a difficult situation if they ask why and he could still be caught by cameras on the dual carriageway, especially if he was speeding.

TWOCing as the police call it had he been caught would easily have got a years ban once he has passed his test

This. As for it being a life skill, I agree but he's not ready: he has neither the maturity for the responsibility or respect for you or your property.

He's lucky he didn't kill anyone or get picked up by police, which could have resulted in a ban and criminal record.

I'd not pay for or support lessons for 12 months then reassess.

I’d say “just try that once more and you’ll never drive any vehicle owned by this family”.

I certainly would not be paying for driving lessons for him. He needs to face the consequences of his very dangerous actions . It’s a crime and if he had been caught he wouldn’t be driving for a long time.

He acted very irresponsibly and is too immature to have lessons until he understands his actions . He could have killed someone or himself .

by carrying on with lessons you are actually telling him what he did was acceptable .
Yes if he wants to fund himself then he can choose to do that, but I would put a minimum age of 18 on it before he starts again. He will also have to arrange all without input from parents .

That’s one way to lose your license before you get it. I would sure he can never access the car but not sure about stopping the lessons.

I'd give serious consequences and make sure he knows how the police would view this, and that you will report him next time, for the safety of other road users. And I'd keep your keys by your bed.

But I wouldn't stop the lessons. Learning to drive is likely to help him become more responsible, not less.

I agree with this.
I also think doing this means he needs driving lessons MORE! At least if it ever happens again, he will be trained to drive safety. Of course, OP needs to do everything in her power to make sure it DOESN'T happen again.
He should finish his driving lessons and pass his test. He should not then be allowed to drive your car, or be bought a car. Once he has his license and skill, that's your job done.

That’s awful, he obviously needs to mature A LOT before continuing with the lessons and driving.

I would stop his lessons for now. The more confidence he gains , he may try this again. What the hell was he doing, out at 1.00am? He could very well have killed someone and himself. He isn't mature enough to learn to drive yet. Do not reward his bad behaviour, with driving lessons, or he will never learn. He took your car without your knowledge, if he had been stopped by the police, he would be in court for driving whilst uninsured and only a provisional licence and taken a car without the owners knowledge, thats called theft. He can not be trusted. You need to keep an eye on him. Seen many doing the same, be very careful

I’d say driving lessons are even more important after doing this. My 17yo was a little cocky about it being easy after her first couple but soon changed her tune once she started having to do some proper driving a few lessons on. I make all mine pay for their own though. It’s been a bit of a rite of passage - they get their first job to pay for them. Gives incentive to work and a reward for doing so.

He needs to be made very clear how dangerous he has been though. Make sure he can’t access any keys.

I'd be taking him straight down to the nearest police station. What a selfish irresponsible idiot.

No I wouldn’t stop the lessons, he is going to need to drive properly regardless. There’s already enough useless drivers on the roads as it is..

firstly I would be taking all car keys to bed with me and placing in the bedside draw. There’s a lack of trust issue and abuse of your boundaries going on here.

punishment has to be something else. What interests does he have? What responsibilities does he have? Maybe it’s time for a few more and enough work/chores so he is well asleep at night time. .

do the police run any young driver awareness courses?

finally do you know any tow truck drivers? My uncle was one and one of my memories of the workshop was seeing a crashed car that had just arrived, still had the occupants blood inside. That might straighten him up to see.

My 16yrs old cousin was killed by a brat teenager who thought that taking the car of a visitor in his family was fun. My cousin was just chatting to a friend, they were sitting on a bench and that awful young man lost the control of the car for some reason. Please do not question yourself again about basic discipline, you might be compromising other people’s life

Oh my god yes yes yes. Not mature enough to be on the road, some awful accidents have happened in the dead of night, doesn't have to be busy day time roads to be dangerous. I hope he doesn't just throw a hissy fit about it and makes him think. If he does react badly then point out again anger like that doesn't make for a safe driver. I'd give him a timetable of when you'll start lessons again IF he shows he's matured and has taken this incident seriously.