17 year old not passed test - took my car out at 1am in the morning

[ThisBlueQuail]

My 17 year old son who has had 2 driving lessons took my car out at 1am in the morning - would you stop driving lessons?

Yes.

100 percent. Clearly not mature enough to be behind the where of a potential lethal weapon

Omg
yes
and have the car keys locked away or under my pillow at night
you can’t trust him

He could have lessons if he pays for them himself, but I wouldn't be paying, taking him out or allowing access to the car.

Absolutely. My 17 year old wouldn’t dream of that. Is he usually so awful?

Incredible how you would even internally debate stopping lessons. Be a parent. And fast.

Yes, he isn’t mature enough for driving lessons and the responsibility.

I'd begin by asking him what the fuck he thought he was doing?

I consider driving to be an essential life skill (along with swimming). I know many disagree and consider it a privilege - I don't. I consider it my parental responsibility to ensure my child go into adulthood with a driving licence, and into childhood able to swim.

So while I wouldn't be allowing my child to drive my car in future, or buying or insuring them a car. I would still carry on driving lessons.

I would tell him that if it happens again, you'll report it stolen to police. And do it.

No. This just proves he needs the driving lessons and you are, as my mother would say, cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Punishment and consequences - 100%. But cancelling the lessons is NOT the right punishment or consequence.

Omg what a stupid idiot. If he’s been caught by the police he’d be disqualified from driving, worse he could have killed somebody or himself.
If he wants driving lessons he should pay but it sounds like he is not mature or clever enough to be driving just yet.

A question is whether a kid who is so foolish as to do something dangerous and illegal is liable to go ‘joyriding’ in some other car (stolen or a mates or mates parents). It would probably be better if he could at least drive competently. I’d be inclined to continue the lessons ideally with a very tough instructor who drills in safety.

I would

a) figure out an appropriate consequence

b) point out if he was stopped he’d have lost his license

c) point out due to b you are unsure whether the investment in his lessons is worth it

d) give him a set of conditions to meet for a set time period to prove he’s sorry and is worth the investment.

e) make is damn clear if he ever did it again I’d be calling the police and not funding any further lessons or a lawyer.

I would also say that he had to offer a very clear explanation of what he was thinking and why he did it before even considered allowing b onwards to happen. This isn’t a time id allow a shirt or “dunno” as a response.

oh and I’d point out he better hope he wasn’t captured speeding or on camera as the law won’t be as lenient as you are being.

As per PP -

Continue the lessons.
Make sure he understands exactly what he has done and the risks he took.
Lock your keys away at night.
If you hear of him or any of his friends joyriding, you will tell their parents and report to the police.
I wouldn’t allow him access to your car when he passes for a period of time. He’s already proven he’s not mature enough to be in charge of a car.

No don’t stop lessons. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime.

I would have my keys in my pocket the whole time. That's so dangerous for everyone including himself. What an arrogant boy. Doesn't he realise he wouldn't be insured, that the chance of injury or fatality is really high, and if he survived but someone else didn't he'd be in prison? If he survived but damaged something then he'd have to pay. He's really not thinking this through. Where did he go to?

So what would you do to penalise an action that could have ended in injury (to someone else never mind him) or even death?

Plus, what was he even doing at 1am?

I am so shocked at this! If he passes his test and makes any misdemeanour within the first 2 years and receives 6 points on his license he would lose it.

He has made a stupid misdemeanour after 2 lessons. I think you should stop the lessons until he can be trusted to respect the huge responsibility and maturity that is required to drive a car. What was he thinking?

Stop paying for lessons. Hide your keys (but don't tell him you're hiding them). And tell him if he does it again, you'll report to the police.

The entitlement is horrible.

Yes. He isn’t mature enough yet.

I do understand the life skills point of the other poster, but there is no rush on this and he very clearly doesn’t have the maturity. Unless he’s always a complete arsehole and will always be. But let’s assume not, in which case he isn’t ready.

Does he have any idea how serious this is? If not, why not?

Another who considers driving an essential life skill but I'd be stopping lessons for 6 months as a starter. A car is a lethal weapon and he has shown he can't be trusted with it. What he did was illegal, reckless, dangerous and just stupid. He'd not be driving my car again for a very long time.

I live in the countryside. Young people have to drive here. It is not uncommon to see an obviously young person driving. But I am just astounded by the speed that young male drivers drive at in their little Toyotas and Honda’s. Boy racers!

Whereas young women, drive sensibly.

There have unfortunately been some accidents and fatalities locally, recently.

@ThisBlueQuail, what has been his response to getting caught?

All these points about maturity - It takes learning to drive to really understand what a bit deal it is. Part of the learning process should include making the new driver understand the responsibility and obligations and risks of driving.

More than anything, the fact that he's so blase is a sign he NEEDS this training.

The sorts of punishments or consequences for me might be making him pay for his own lessons or removing other privileges whether that's paying for extra curricular he enjoys, giving him lifts certain places vs him having to take the time and effort to take public transport etc. Or perhaps more chores at home (although with a 17 year old, this cna be difficult to enforce). Cancellation of allowance.

There are lots of options. Removing driving lessons is just going to entrench his attitude that he can do anything.
I'd also consider making the driving lessons "tougher" if that's an option - eg get his instructore to take him on some tougher routes or insist he tries parking or whatever to show him that he's not nearly as good a driver as he thinks he is.

What did he say about why he did it etc

If he had been caught he could have been prosecuted for driving witjout a license and insurance... been fined for both and got points on his license before pasding... potentially adding up to a disqualification.

Any additional factors like drugs or alcohol would have added to it as well. (Drugs can remain in the system for a few days).

In short... hes haf a lucky escape.