17 year old not passed test - took my car out at 1am in the morning

[ThisBlueQuail]

My 17 year old son who has had 2 driving lessons took my car out at 1am in the morning - would you stop driving lessons?

I’d certainly consider making sure he was trained in how to handle a car so he appreciates the dangers in doing so.

I would have him work to pay for his driving lessons.

I think this is beyond an apology.

He needs to learn there are consequences. Being not allowed to drive for a year is a far less severe consequence than killing someone or being arrested.

This isn’t doing a minor annoying thing that you apologise and easily move on from. It was illegal and extremely dangerous.

He’s probably someone prone to reckless behaviour and it’s hard to parent it, but this endangered the lives of others. It suggests he’s not to be trusted to drive sensibly or can avoid making foolish decisions. A car is a dangerous machine in the wrong hands…it requires a level of maturity he doesn’t have.

It’s sad. It’s sad for his Mum and for him too. But it would be sadder to enable someone who isn’t mature enough to drive to take to the road because it risks others and their lives, as well as his.

And to be honest, if he did it again, telling the Police would be doing him a favour…because so much awful could happen. It’s like drink driving.

This! When I was at uni (70s - I'm old) a friend thought it would be a lark to move another friend's Morris Minor across the uni car park and hide it behind the dustbins. Like most Morris Minors (and my Ford Anglia) you could start it with a screwdriver, so it was easy. Unfortunately Friend 2 didn't see the joke and reported Friend 1 to the police, and Friend 1 promptly got nicked for TWOCking, which is a criminal rather than traffic offence.

Full apology is not good enough. Anyone can spit out a few words of apology to get what they want and not really mean it or understand the gravity of what they've done.

To carry on he needs to demonstrate through his actions and the way he lives his life that he is mature for the responsibility of driving. He could easily ruin his own life and the lives of other without really understanding what he was doing.

So, I wouldn't frame it as punishment. I would just say I am sorry, it's just really obvious you're not just ready. We'll talk again next year.

Driving is an essential skill.... I consider it my parental responsibility to ensure my child go into adulthood with a driving licence

Some people live their lives perfectly well without being able to drive. I would consider it a parental responsibility to prevent an irresponsible idiot from getting a driving licence until he'd grown up.

What!! He could have killed someone! He could have wrecked the car and insurance would be invalid, and he could have been arrested and banned for life.

I read an article on something similar the other day. The 17 year old took his parents car, crashed and killed himself and 1 passenger, 1 survivor. His parents are potentially facing prosecution for not preventing him access to drive without a license because he cant face the charges himself .

My (not D)SS did this, albeit with the car he'd inherited from his DGM, and wrote off 6 parked cars.

His mother, whose name it was registered and insured in, covered for him and told the police that it had been stolen.

DP was fucking furious and I was horrified.

After reading him the riot act I would stop the lessons for 1 month, hopefully giving him time to reflect on his behaviour. He needs to understand the consequences had he had an accident. I.e if he had killed somebody he could have gone to prison, deprived a family of a loved one, damaged your car, lost his licence for a period of time etc. I would also ensure that you locked your keys away where he can’t find them in case he was tempted again. You could google to find cases similar so he knows you’re not making it up.

Loving the casual use of 'just' with regards to a 17yo who has had 2 lessons taking a car without consent and driving on the dual carriageway 🤯

Having seen your other posts, was he on drugs too?

Stop the lessons. He's not ready to be responsible.

Speak for yourself. I didn’t once take my
parents’ cars without their permission.

Why are you even asking @ThisBlueQuail?

If he wants to disregard his own safety
… crack on. But he could also kill other people.

I cannot believe you’re even asking the question..

Did we aye?

Don't judge everyone by your own crappy standards.

Can I suggest this camera. Links to app on phone. Notifies you when car moves etc. Its been great in my car when eldest dc past test as we can monitor him when he borrows my car

nextbase.co.uk/exclusive-offers/iq-4k-bundle/

No way. I would keep the lessons as he’ll drive anyway. It’s safer if he actually learns. Plus it’s an essential skill.

Instead I would sanction in another way and make him watch videos about car accidents. They can’t be hard to find. Perhaps go through the theory test with him - particularly the section about insurance, learner rules etc.

aside from this, does he understand the seriousness of what he did? As a young male at night, the chances of being stopped by police are high. My ds has been stopped for police (for no particular reason, he had a licence and insurance but it was late). If he doesn’t understand, then educate him. If he does understand, you have a much more serious problem on your hands as he clearly likes taking major risks.

Having seen your other posts, was he on drugs too?

Just looked - Good Lord, no way would I be funding driving lessons, even before this latest exploit.

This to me is deeply worrying. It’s a miracle no one was hurt or killed.

Take this seriously now. I have seen this kind of thing before in neighbours. It is not high spirits, it is a complete lack of sense or responsibility. It’s possible your son should never ever drive. I know the brain has not fully matured but this is some deficit!

Regarding the neighbours their son is dead now. He didn’t make 20, nor did the person with him and others are severely injured including from other vehicles.

I would not report him to the police, but I would try to make him aware of the seriousness of this, and make sure the keys were never anywehre where he could do this again.
And NO, we don't all do this...

Personally, I’d call his instructor and let them know what’s happened. They’ll likely give him a lecture. I’d hide your keys better too. But ultimately, it seems he has no care for driving without the skill, a licence and the necessary insurance. So I’m not sure stopping his lessons will help him to drive legally.

What does teen think is a suitable consequence?

Im thinking chores for every driving lesson he does

This is a joke right?
Your 17yo stole your car keys whilst you were asleep & took it out with no insurance (because even if he was on your insurance, it was invalid), risking lives, and you are considering rewarding this behaviour with more driving lessons?! Absolutely not! He isn’t mature enough to be driving and we already have enough idiots on the road without adding another one to it! I would even go as far as suggesting you report him to the police for both the theft and driving without a valid license or insurance. He risked lives & property. You shouldn’t even be entertaining putting him on the road until he has developed a frontal lobe!

I’d kill my kid if he did that.

Pretty hard for a dead kid to take driving lessons.

lol

edited to add the lol for those who take everything literally. lol

Are there any speed cameras in the dual carriageway? Or on any other roads he drove on? If he was driving too fast there will be photos and you will get a notice of intended prosecution which you will need to return to nominate the driver. Then he will be prosecuted not only for the speeding but also for driving without insurance.

Yes.

My brother is dead because of a selfish dickhead like this. You are seriously asking strangers on mumsnet what to do? You know what to do