How would you explain girls-only party invitations to a 6-year-old boy?

[SurreyisSunny]

My 6yo DS is in year 2 and now we are later in the school year we are moving away from all class parties which is fair enough as stronger friendships have formed. We had loads last year in reception but only a handful this year. He had a whole class party in October.

What I’m struggling with is explaining to my DS why he isn’t being invited to parties. One of his friends who dates back to nursery (so known each since they were 2), they go to stagecoach together and I’ve had here for a all day playdate (to help with childcare one holiday) didn’t invite to my DS her party today. I’m also joint class rep with her mum so we chat quite a bit. I understand this is because it was all girls. Others on more than one occasion have asked him or I if he was going and it’s been quite tricky saying in front of him that he wasn’t invited. My DS only plays with girls and his bestie is a girl. I fear this will happen more and more. Parties of those he’s less friendly with I can explain but it’s saying he’s not invited because he’s a boy I find harder. What’s sweet is he still wants to invite her to his party.

I’m hoping he’ll start developing some boy friendships as well but he’s still young and I have little concern he only plays with girls

How would you explain?

Op is welcome to throw a mixed pamper party or a mixed football party for her son if she wishes.

Mine each went through a number of years (age 6-13 ish) where they had very much "single sex " friendship groups before coming out the other end of that phase and having big mixed sex friendship groups again. I just rolled with it and didn't try and police their friendships or choices of party guests

None of them seem to feel confined by gender stereotypes but equally they don't seem to feel the need to pointedly rebel against them either. They just pick their own interests. One likes ballet and football, one likes climbing and chess, the third likes piano and gardening and watersports.

Give over, what bullshit.
The last 3 girl only parties we had were laser tag, go ape and a pool party with a giant obstacle course. Parties where girls can have fun together is not discrimination.

I genuinely don’t see what there is to explain. Explain what? The boy/girl aspect is irrelevant. Kids don’t get invited to every single party.

No where does the op say it’s a pamper party

interesting you have assumed that the girls decided to do this though

Exactly
and it sounds like he’s just going to have to get used to it

Don't make a fuss or even mention events or parties your child isn't invited to. He needs to learn that not everyone gets invited to everything.

Just ask him to invite someone round to play or distract him if he questions it.

'Never mind. Do you want to invite Billy/Julie round for tea? Or shall we go to the park now?'

Hmm while I do agree that anyone can invite whoever they want to their own party, I suspect the answers would be different if the op had a daughter who wasn't getting invited to the boys parties.

I wouldn't let my kids have a party where they excluded people based on their gender. It may end up single sexed because it made sense to invite a group of people who happen to all be male or female, but i wouldn't allow that to be part of the theme.

Explain sexism/racism etc at an appropriate level. You'll find he might speak up on gender stereotypes early if you do. I did, when some adults tried to tell me all 6 year old girls should behave differently from 5 year old boys, and tried to segregate us.

How do you know they excluded him because of his gender and not because they didn’t bloomin well want to invite him.

My DS was the same. Played with the girls but rarely got invited to parties because 'Hahaha, Emily would have loved him to come but I bet SmallShish wouldn't want to come to a pony party would he? Hahaha" (how TF is a pony party gendered??)
He didn't get invited to the boys parties because they didn't play with him.

In case it brings some comfort OP (because despite others dismissing it as 'silly' we love our boys and want them to be happy) - around y3/4 my DS found footy (mainly the football kits & the hairstyles but whatever) and it balanced out a bit.

At 12 he still has friends of both sexes and gets invited to various birthdays - the girls seem keen to have boys around now - so it's all worked out in the end.

But TDLR: yes, I feel your frustration OP if parents are doing the blanket 'invite the girls'. Much better to let the kids invite 6 of their actual friends to come trampolining, pony riding or whatever.

Yes, they’d be told they’re boy only, I’m sure there will be girl only ones and mixed … with lots of active fun things. Stop making a big deal over nothing etc.
Instead people are are saying it’s unfair, sexist and making assumptions it must be pampering or princess cupcakes. Which is not true for the vast majority of girl only parties.

Because I was told by another mum (also part of our friendship group)

This mum said that someone else’s daughter has not invited him because of his sex.

correct?

And did this mum’s daughter invite your son to her daughter’s party? Was that girls only?

how come you have had the birthday girl over for one play date (and that was only as a childcare favour) if they’re such good friend?

I think it would be more "oh that's such a shame she isn't invited. Don't boys realise girls can play football too yada yada yada"

By the time they’re 14…. Mixed group friendships are everywhere.
By a levels… very little differentiation
and by uni… none

I get the cost cutting and 30 children (whole class) is a lot to invite but I guess I feel there’s better ways to split things than just gender

Your son wouldn’t have wanted a whole class party if he’s only friends with girls would he?

I agree. Just say oh it's a girls only party. No need to go into a big explanation. He'll eventually need to get used to things being girls only /boys only. Like sleepovers.

We don’t have many play dates as I work full time. I’m not saying their besties but equally I know most of the others who went to the party aren’t her besties either!

In your mum friendship group of 10…. Any men?

How do you know the intricacies of 6 year old friendships conducted at school?

Because my DS tells me who everyone plays with, we do talk, isn’t that normal?!

He had a joint party with his bestie, a girl.