How would you explain girls-only party invitations to a 6-year-old boy?

[SurreyisSunny]

My 6yo DS is in year 2 and now we are later in the school year we are moving away from all class parties which is fair enough as stronger friendships have formed. We had loads last year in reception but only a handful this year. He had a whole class party in October.

What I’m struggling with is explaining to my DS why he isn’t being invited to parties. One of his friends who dates back to nursery (so known each since they were 2), they go to stagecoach together and I’ve had here for a all day playdate (to help with childcare one holiday) didn’t invite to my DS her party today. I’m also joint class rep with her mum so we chat quite a bit. I understand this is because it was all girls. Others on more than one occasion have asked him or I if he was going and it’s been quite tricky saying in front of him that he wasn’t invited. My DS only plays with girls and his bestie is a girl. I fear this will happen more and more. Parties of those he’s less friendly with I can explain but it’s saying he’s not invited because he’s a boy I find harder. What’s sweet is he still wants to invite her to his party.

I’m hoping he’ll start developing some boy friendships as well but he’s still young and I have little concern he only plays with girls

How would you explain?

He only has girl friends? Why did he have a whole class then? I don’t suppose that would have been his first choice

Either way…. “Love, some youll be invited to, some you wont”. Now, what do you fancy for dinner?

the end

Just say “xx just wants girls at her party - will we have xx over play that day instead?”

IME most classes split parties like this after P1.

this, it’s someone else’s party so they get to decide who comes!

'only girls are invited to the party, I'm sure they'll more parties' the end.

My DS (also 6) mainly plays with girls as the boys in his class are only into football and fighting and he hates both. It worries me because as they get older I feel he’s naturally going to be pushed out of his friendship group because some parents think girls and boys can’t be friends. So far he’s been invited to all the princess parties with his friends. Most of my friends at that age were boys and I remember when I was about 8 it changed and suddenly all my friends were girls but the change was not smooth. It’s tricky, I think you just have to tell him that sometimes people have parties that you don’t get invited to. I wouldn’t make it into a “you’re not a girl” thing though as I wouldn’t want him to think there’s anything fundamentally wrong with him for being a boy.

‘Friend’ wanted a girls only party, when it’s your party you can have a boys only if you want.

I think it’s a fair way of doing parties if you don’t want the whole class or just six or seven people.

I don't think it needs a detailed explanation, probably easier to keep it quite light and just comment "X is just having the girls for their party so we're not going to be at that one."

I think everyone’s missing the point here - of course people can invite whoever they want to parties but why are ‘most class parties split like this’? It’s an annoying practice and one that’s difficult to explain to children who haven’t yet been indoctrinated with the ‘because it’s princess party with cup cake decorating so obviously boys aren’t welcome’ bullshit.

It’s no ‘fairer’ than inviting only the other children born in the same month or other children with the same hair colour.

It does get easier. Although I’m still hitting it with 10 year old DS2, whose best three friends are all girls (the vast majority of the boys in his year are football obsessed and he isn’t - his sport is cricket). His best mate’s DM got in touch to warn me that he wasn’t invited because ‘it’s a girls’ pamper party’. I smiled and sighed internally. He’d quite enjoy a pamper party. We went bowling with a mixed group…it was fine and they were all charming, it doesn’t have to be sex segregated!

I haven't found this at DS' school parties are definitely smaller in Y2 but still mainly mixed, the only ones I've known not to be are funnily enough a couple of the girls, one had a cheerleading party at her cheer gym and the other a pamper party with hair and make up...... Ds wouldn't have wanted to go to the second, but probably would've been fine cheerleading as it seems like low level gymnastics (which he does) but to music. I think that was more the mum assuming the boys wouldn't want to go.

Perhaps. But sometimes one can't invite the whole class and this is one method that makes it nice an easy at a time friendships shift a lot

Ops son may think he is besties with this girl but she may well have a different view!

Anyway "people often can't invite everyone to their parties".... Then move the conversation along. It doesn't need a bit explanation or to be turned into a drama

It isn’t turning something into a drama to want to give a reply that’s honest but also kind.

Just say it’s a girls only party? Don’t over-complicate it! There will be lots more girl only parties over the next few years.

Do you really think that?

You have assumed that these girls haven’t invited DS because of being indoctrinated rather than maybe, just maybe, not wanting him there

Or equally it’s not “unfairer”

you can invite whomever the HELL you want to your party and of the reason is hair colour… well that’s your prerogative!!

I suppose as kids get older they choose more sex specific parties, generally speaking of course I know not everyone so don’t @ me about your girl who loves football and your pro who’s the cheer captain. DD recently had a pamper party, all girls, her friend had a ballet party again all girls, my friends DS had a football party and only invited boys. And that’s not to say boys can’t like dance and girls can’t like football and yes maybe it is stereotypical but if that’s what the birthday child wants that’s what they get!

I would just go with a ‘ah we can’t be invited to everything darling’ people often have restrictions due to space, money etc kids need to learn this early I think it helps their understanding with different situations as they grow.

I think this must be satire. Surely nobody would seriously think this?

You have some really black and white thinking. I’ve got two daughters who had a birthday party every year of their childhoods and never once did they have a cupcake party or a princess party. Nor have they been to one. Every party that either of my dc has been to has been completely ordinary stuff. Trampolining, village hall, bowling, park, go ape, at home, roller skating.

All of those seem fair objective ways of picking people rather than hurting feelings by x can come because they're cooler than y and y can stay at home because they're less cool.

First post nailed it

Keep it simple

He's just not mature enough to read anything further into it

It's very easy to explain that not everybody gets invited to everything. No need to be silly and assume all girls parties are Princess parties.

I would tell him it’s an all girls party, but that you will arrange for them to spend a day together

the idea that boys are friends with boys, girls are friends with girls is harmful - particularly to children who then feel like they don’t fit in with either group. Adults should be encouraging children to question why this segregation is automatic rather than enforcing it as ‘just what you do to keep the numbers down’.