Is anyone else basically running a restaurant at dinner every night?? 😩

[Momylola]

Dinner at my house has been a straight-up circus lately. One kid just announced they’re going vegan, my youngest is deep in that “plain pasta or chicken nuggets, nothing else” phase, my husband acts personally insulted if I put leftovers on his plate, and my middle one can’t do dairy. So I’m over here squinting at food labels like I’m trying to crack a code. Most nights, I’m running three short-order menus and just hoping at least one person actually eats. I cannot be the only mom barely hanging on here, right?

Between picky eaters, allergies, diet trends, and the grocery list that never ends (and is crazy expensive), it honestly feels like I’m running a diner, minus the tips or any help. How are you all handling this and not losing your minds? Hit me with your survival tips, or just tell me I’m not alone! Moms, I’m all ears.

I refuse to cook multiple meals (we don’t have an allergy house though). I always make sure there is at least one thing on the plate that each child will definitely eat (we have 3 - 1 who eats everything, 1 who is fussy, and a 2yo who changes day by day). If they don’t want to eat the other foods on offer, then they go hungry. I will sometimes make my fussy child toast or something afterwards but he knows he has to have tried everything on his plate and eaten all of his safe food. DH doesn’t really cook and is happy to eat whatever I serve him. If he complained, I’d be telling him he can make his own meals from now on.

My sister has an allergy house; her son is allergic to quite a few things. She makes substitutes to things that are safe for him where she can, and where she can’t she has a stash of safe meals in the freezer that she serves him while the rest of the family eats something else.

I’d be telling vegan DD and DH either they eat the meal you serve them or they’re free to make their own meals. You’re not a restaurant and they should stop treating you as such.

Sounds like bean casserole and pasta twists for dinner every night in your house then! Even better - you can make a giant slow cooker’s worth of it, and serve it every night, adding a bit of chilli towards the end if you are getting bored and want to mix it up. It ticks all nutritional boxes and all taste requirements.

I won’t lie, trying to decide what to have for dinner every night when I have a ND child with aversions to certain textures but mainly slabs of meat texture (but will eat heavily processed meat like sausages 🙄) and who loves cheese and veg, another child who loves meat but not cheese and hates veges, and a husband who said ‘don’t worry about me, you just cook for the kids and I’ll knock myself up a quick steak or something’ nearly broke me for years. But I have decided now that I make what I’m making. And everyone will eat it. And if they don’t like it, they can cook dinner. And do you know what? DH now cooks over half our meals despite working, and when DC1 is home from uni they cook most of the rest. DC2 is going through a growth phase and is quite capable of knocking themselves up an extra omelette or something as an extra meal.

I would be making meal choice everyone in the house’s problem. Even younger kids can help meal plan.

Could you reduce your hours at work, OP, to meal plan, shop and prepare/cook for your family? Or is there any other way of you carving out time?

Yes, because it's entirely the OP's responsibility, despite it being everyone else in the house that's making it difficult.

@Bjorkdidit

it IS OP’s responsibility as a mother to ensure her family are served healthy and nutritious meals every day that they enjoy.

I never fell into this trap, but I also don’t have ND kids. It’s one meal and one meal only. I do a lot of family-style meals like tacos, noodle bowls etc., where ingredients are served separately and everyone can choose what they want. But, sometimes it’s steak, mash + veg, or butter chicken with rice, and everyone eats it or there is no dinner.

I was cooking my own dinners for me and my Dsis by age 12 because my parents worked long hours and were home late. I will expect my DC to start cooking for themselves around the same age. My 8-year old already cooks one meal a week.

I would make meat free Monday a thing, so cook a vegan dish for everyone, eg a tomato based pasta and the fussy one can have it plain if they wish.
I’d have a jacket potato night - each can have beans, tuna, cheese or whatever.
Ready meal one night.
And can you not make a pot of something to have the other two nights - split a curry out into chicken and a chickpea one, or a beef vs lentil bolognaise?
Weekends I’d give up.

There's no way I would make numerous meals. I do adapt meals slightly. So in your case I would keep all dinners dairy free and then serve the meat separately and the vegan can have the same without the meat. So spag bol for everyone except the vegan can have spaghetti and tomatoes sauce. Beef stir fry, the vegan can just have the noodles and vegetable stir fry. Chicken fajitas the vegan can just skip the chicken...

Its a parent's (not necessarily mum) responsibility to feed their children a reasonably healthy and varied diet. It is not their responsibility to feed something that everyone will enjoy without fail every day.

Lol no. There is one meal with at least 2 components that everyone likes. Take it or leave it.

Our house went through a phase like this. DS one turned veggie, DS2, autistic, had ARFID and would only eat a very limited range of things. DH and I wanted healthy foods with good flavour.

In the end, I tried to do dinners that worked for everyone eg

Pasta 'pomodoro' (though actually I added loads of other veg too, very finely chopped, so DS2 would eat it. DH and I could add olives, chillies, fresh herbs, capers, anchovies. DC could add grated cheddar.

Wraps. Roast a chicken, buy salad and some of those pouches of spicy tomatoey beans if you don;t feel like cooking a sauce. Some have spicy bean wraps, others have chicken and salad or all three.

Simple veggie risotto (peas, shallots or leeks, very finely diced carrot and celery or ready made sofritta) with shredded chicken leftover from previous day for people who want meat. Salad or broccoli on the side for those who want it.

Sausage or burgers and chips. Vegan sausages/burger for the vegan. Real ones for everyone else. Beans, peas, and/or steamed veg and salad on the side.

Mezze: humous, baba ganush, whipped feta or other dips, salads and flatbreads. If fussy DS just wants grated cheddar melted on his flatbread with some carrot sticks and iceberg, that's fine.

Avocado pasta - mashed avocados with lemon juice and zest, sundried tomatoes, fried garlic, pine nuts or cashews and chilli flakes. You can add the ingredients individually at table so people choose what they want. If they hate it all, they get a jar of pasta sauce they can heat up in the microwave, with grated cheese.

Baked potatoes with baked beans, grated cheese, tuna mayo, salad - people choose what they want. If they hate baked potatoes, they get the same fillings with a bagel.

Roast dinner. Put a small nut roast in the oven for the vegan and the rest is the same for everyone.

I'm french but never heard that about having to feed the children meat outside of school lunch and even then all schools offer a veggie option daily plus one day is veggie for all.
The only one I would cater for fully is the dairy sensitive one. For the rest well hubby can fend for himself if leftovers are not his thing (better yet get him cooking for the family), vegan child can have a tin of beans to add to the main and if possible I'd cook meat/fish separate so she can sub but that's it. Pasta and nuggets? Not in my house luckily. The weather calls for salad and cold food anyway so big vegan salad (beans tomato Cucumber) for all plus appropriate add ins. Cold pasta works fine and I'm sure nuggets can be swapped ...even if for sliced ham 😉. Get them to help plan and cook the food... They will soon understand that it's a headache!

Lots of good meal ideas, thanks!!

If they have all these different needs/wants then someone should be helping you. Or they can make it themselves. Us mothers are treated like slaves at times . Someone should make your tea for a change. If I do a bologna’s I make extra so I can make a lasagna out of it another night and chilli another with only a few different ingredients. Good luck it’s not easy.

When you say your middle child ‘can’t do dairy’, does that mean they have an intolerance or are severely allergic? My son is intolerant but he takes a tablet or two before he eats any meal with dairy in. I don’t know your situation though.
The newly vegan child would be told to research her own meals then and help to cook them. The fussy child wouldn’t be pandered to and would either eat what I dished up, or they could have toast/fruit.
The husband ……… he’d definitely get whatever was shoved in front of him!
You're enabling this crazy situation. I remember before I had children, that my SIL who had four, dished up four different dinners each night. Me and my now DH said we’d never start that malarkey and we never did! Eat what you’re given or go without!

This made me snort with laughter. But it’s a real point. What is your DH doing to lighten, not add to, the load?

Same here.
I never knowingly served something they hated but I got wise to them liking something one week and not the next.
I made a list of meals that everyone would eat and worked through them.
One went vegetarian in his mid teens, the other thought about it but didn't. I always bought high welfare meat, free range etc.
I understand your wish to support it but I would try to get her to compromise on vegetarian rather than vegan.
I had a few things that we all ate like spag bol made with a mix of soya and lentils, or chilli with the same.

Both adults now. The vegetarian is an adventurous eater apart from meat. The other is a bit of a foodie but still has a few things he will never eat.

I cook one meal and you either eat it, make something of your own, or go hungry. If there are leftovers, we eat leftovers. End of story.

I don't cater to any bullshit, and there won't be any fucking bloody vegans in my house, I object to it purely on principle. Want to be a wanky vegan - you'd be buying your own separate food and cooking yourself or moving out.

Allergies are another matter. Real allergies, not 'I just decided I can't tolerate gluten anymore'.

Just the mother?

Holy shit what is this post

Account for the allergies and other than that, everybody gets the same thing.
A child can't suddenly dictate that they're vegan, they'll soon change their mind in this heat when they want an ice cream.

You're being soft

I used to have the same.. with room service sometimes.

One of my children had serious allergies we all eat what they could tolerate. It was put on the table, eat it or leave it up to you, but I won’t be cooking anything else.

I love this - that's the way to do it.

Nah, screw that. The allergies fine, obviously do that, but as for the rest, this is dinner, eat it or cook your own