Is anyone else basically running a restaurant at dinner every night?? 😩

[Momylola]

Dinner at my house has been a straight-up circus lately. One kid just announced they’re going vegan, my youngest is deep in that “plain pasta or chicken nuggets, nothing else” phase, my husband acts personally insulted if I put leftovers on his plate, and my middle one can’t do dairy. So I’m over here squinting at food labels like I’m trying to crack a code. Most nights, I’m running three short-order menus and just hoping at least one person actually eats. I cannot be the only mom barely hanging on here, right?

Between picky eaters, allergies, diet trends, and the grocery list that never ends (and is crazy expensive), it honestly feels like I’m running a diner, minus the tips or any help. How are you all handling this and not losing your minds? Hit me with your survival tips, or just tell me I’m not alone! Moms, I’m all ears.

Same here. One DD was allergic to tuna and another was diary intolerant. I just made sure I didn’t cook with tuna or dairy!
Meal plan, shopping list, everyone cook a family meal at least once a week.

Vegan needs to sort themselves out // helping you - adapting what you are having or cooking for themselves and the whole family - at least it blends well with dairy free!

and menu plan for the week - this is what we are having and that’s it. DH can shove his preferences in the back drawer till the kids are grown up

id be doing a lot of vegan anyway or meals that a protein can easily be switched - it’s not harder really to do some plain and some vegan sausages -
chickpea salad and new potatoes in this heat and let the picky eater pick

once you have a 3 week meal plan it will feel easier

You should respect your child has made a compassionate decision to become vegan. I went vegetarian at 10 and was very grateful my mum was accommodating in cooking veggie meals. This was when Quorn had just come out and there wasn’t much choice like there is now. You’ll actually find vegan meals are a lot quicker to cook.

But if someone is old enough to make that decision, they're also old enough to do some of the work that it generates.

I'm not one of those idiots who doesn't consider it a meal if there's no meat in it, but I also wouldn't expect the rest of the household to accommodate my dietary requirements or put in all the work it entails to prepare multiple meals. It's also not a given that 'vegan meals are a lot quicker to cook' - often there's a lot of chopping of vegetables, stirring and simmering etc so can be lengthy and labour intensive to make.

My advice - use ChatGPT and get it to recommend some meal plans and variations - get your husband and daughter to review these and agree and go shopping and then for the three of you to cook - maybe you three / week husband twice and your daughter once
basically move to a vegan diet but with some meat on the side as that covers dairy allergies too -

I would ignore the DH and the fussy eater. The DD who is vegan needs to research, plan and help cook her meals. All of them.

I would cook dairy free (my DS has CMPA) for everyone (people can add cheese) and serve it. If DH and DS don't want it, so be it. They can go hungry.

Vegetarian and vegan are completely different.

base meals around vegan bolognaise, chilli, sausages etc for a bit easy things and a side of nuggets for the tricky eater
freeze
portions of the vegan options so when you make a regular bolognaise you have a vegan alternative
Interesting salads with a pre cooked roast chicken and vegan alternative

basically think of a base meal and then options :)

bloody knackering but it's how I managed a complex set of allergeis

also batch cook a nice tomato sauce - get your daughter to help and freeze it so you're got easy but decent pasta sauce etc

I’d only cater for allergies. I’d probably keep everyone’s meals diary free?
If anyone wants to be vegan, they can wait until ages 10-12 ish when they can just cook it themselves! Don’t make things so complicated

I grew up in a house with no spare money. I was ND (but that wasn't a diagnosed 'thing' in the 60s and 70s) and had some texture issues around food, but that was just tough. My mum knew I hated mashed potato, but everyone else in the house liked it, it was cheap and filling so I was served it. I just didn't eat it. I ate what I liked and what I could eat and if none of it was anything I liked (my mum cooked for the majority) then I went hungry until the next meal. No 'helping yourself to cereal or toast' there just wasn't the spare food for impromptu meals.

My kids grew up even poorer. We had literally nothing. We kept hens so at least there were eggs and I'd buy loads of cheap bread so they could have toast if they wouldn't eat the one main meal that I cooked. Five kids, no money - they used to play 'share the ingredients'. So if one person wouldn't eat peas and another didn't like cheese they would do food swaps. They all grew up and now all love cooking!

I sympathise. Veganism is pretty easy easy once you get the hang of it and there are now excellent and attractive books around that you could probably even borrow from your library. I recommend Dr Alan Desmond (consultant NHS gastroenterologist) ‘s Plant Based Revolution. Your DD should assist by reading this and helping as much as you need, both for her own and for your benefit. Make sure she takes a daily B12 supplement.

I strongly suggest that you avoid meat substitutes because these are unnecessary, unhealthy and expensive and they will prevent you and your family getting the wide range of foods and vegan recipes that will broaden your family’s palate and benefit their health. Eat real food.

That will also take care of the dairy intolerance.

Add chicken nuggets for the one that wants them. They’re unhealthy and produced from overbred animals that lead miserable lives but now isn’t the time for that particular battle.

Your husband seems to have a limited idea of leftovers, but leftovers can be transformed. Would he really never eat bubble and squeak because the potatoes are from yesterday’s meal? Fool.

Absolutely not. Vegetarian, maybe, veganism is a PITA.

Same for us. We cope with some likes and dislikes, eg. not liking liver or sprouts.
Also, meals are at an agreed time. Meals were not eaten in bedrooms. Everyone at table including their friends. They will thank me later.

How old are the kids?

Documentaries or TikToks? We ate what was in front of us as children - no money for restaurant service at home. My children did the same with the odd variation - we had money. The best advice I was ever given was to put the food down, never make a drama, every child is allowed one or two dislikes but must try new stuff when presented.

Its not illegal to raise vegetarian or vegan children in France, what an odd idea. Culturally its unusual to be veggie there and can be hard as a visitor.
There are many countries where insects provide a rich and low saturated fat source of protein. Some of our biggest food producers have spent years looking at ways to make them acceptable to fast foodified western palettes.

Start with the picky adult who "acts personally insulted if I put leftovers on his plate”. What does he expect you to do with left overs - bin them? Or are you supposed to eat those whilst he has hand crafted new food every day? He is old enough to know better and if he is picky like this in front of the DC he is setting their tone. He needs to grow up.

Then you have two picky children and one with actual allergies? Or two picky, one with a moderate intolerance?

13 year olds are more than old enough to be cooking. If she is going to be vegan after growing up in a meat eating house she needs to start from scratch and agree a transitional plan. Recommended paths normally start cutting out red and white meat then fish, then dairy and finally honey/other products but over a lengthy period of time. Over that time her body will adapt to a changing diet and she will learn how to cook. Junk vegan food is still junk food.

I recommended a book for mixed families and some source sites on this thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4845861-aibu-about-my-kids-diet-vegetarian?

Most of what is in my recommendations post would work for you. If you AS me using the word “vegetarian” I’ve posted other recommendations. The "old fashioned” thread might be especially useful as its very much family foods and foods from widely available ingredients.

Build up some recipes that the whole family can eat which are incidentally veggie or vegan. The adult needs to grow up and join in in the interests of his DC.

This. The only time I would ever make allowances is for allergies and illness. And what exactly is stopping your husband from cooking to his own exacting standards? Why are you being treated like an employee by your family?

BTW - regarding the 13 year old and agreeing a transitional plan for eating. I’ve seen families in your situation agree a sensible plan with a teen on the basis that the whole family will join the meatless meal a couple of times a week (which is a win win for you).

I make one meal for everyone but might adjust what I put on each plate e.g. less carrots for DD and more green veg instead. Me and DD have coeliac disease so all dinners are gluten free - I'm not cooking two versions of the same meal and risking cross contamination to provide gluten food to the others. My partner is the perfect dinner eater - I could feed him leftovers 5 days in a row and he'd still say that was lovely, thanks. Never complains.
Teenager has the option to cook herself something if she really doesn't want what's offered, youngest will whinge and moan and declare he won't ever eat this food, then taste it, then finish it and ask for more so I take no notice of his fussing any more, he will eat after he's made his complaints known and then enjoy it.

Are you a journalist or using AI? This is just so profoundly one of the two. Or both.

It was like that when dc were at home. I got to the stage where I refused to start dinner unless DH got up to help also, even if it was just tidying the kitchen along side me cooking.

One dc went vegetarian, I do regret not saying that they should cook for themselves at least once a week. I did say that if they went vegan, they'd be sorting their own meals out.

I could have easily wrote some of thia my kids rarely ever eat the same meal. Even spaghetti Bolognese one only eats the pasta with grated cheese on it so I suppose at least there I'm not cooking loads of different meals but everything else I can guarantee I'm making at least three different teas

Here's a spare one ! 🖐

Don’t do it. You’ve made a rod for your own back by entertaining it. I cook one meal, if my fussy eater doesn’t like what’s on offer it’s beans on toast or a picky plate of whatever is in the house. If one child wants to go vegan then he/she can sort themselves out. If your husband doesn’t like leftovers, he can cook. Simple!

It is a bit like when people started needing oat milk or almond milk or this that and the other in coffee shops. This is a Gen Z on demand TV needs basis society now.
Only way to survive, they need to DIY it and do it themselves. That is what I introduced in my household. here is the fridge, make your own food. In fact, if you want M & S sugar free icecream get on the bus, plan to take the ice and the freezer bag and good luck to you!

OP - I feel your pain. I used to love cooking and after 18 years of cooking for children it's my most hated thing.

I would say maybe if you have vegan / dairy free and plain pasta lover, then obvs pasta would be an obvious choice. My kids are veggie, and my daughter is vegan and we have loads of vegan dishes, tacos (black beans, roast sweet potatoes, guac & salsa - easy to make and heathly). In this weather lots of salads, orzo is also a fave and easy to do loads of things with. Simple curries (although no way am I making those in this weather). Wraps are good (halloumi / roast tofu) and loads of salad and avocado).

I don't know if you have an airfryer but that has made my life so much easier.