16 Year old daughter doesn’t want to work 😢😕

[HeatherBlack1990]

PLEASE lovely girls ! I need your input 🙏🤝🫂
16 year old daughter has just been offered A CHANCE to come & help out in a busy office to give her something to do in the long Summer months
I know the employers & they are lovely 👍💕
Daughter can’t really be bothered 😕 AND expects ME to book & pay for dance schools and basically fund EVERYTHING all Summer long & BEYOND
It’s not so much the money - it’s that she has very little motivation 😢😞
I had my first job at 11 & worked part-time all through A Levels
Jess shows NO such motivation
ANY / ALL comments gratefully received 🙏🤝💕
Even the negative ones !!!

I agree. Why would she work when you are funding.

@HeatherBlack1990 I don't have the answer... but I will add that teens are usually very reluctant to work, but that all changes once they receive their first payslip and enjoy the feeling of having made their own money which is all theirs.

I worked alongside school and college from being 13. It meant at 19 I had saved enough for a deposit to buy a house.However I am nearly 50s now and sick of working. My daughter is leaving school soon and is looking for a summer job. I told her there’s no pressure from me, you are only young and carefree for such a short time and this is probably the longest ‘free summer’ she will have. You are Middle Aged and responsible a long long time.

I'd try to explain the positives about getting a part time job, independence, experience, confidence, extra money and the longer term benefits such as developing a good work ethic and it is really good on a CV. The summer holidays can be a bit boring with nothing to do and I wouldn't be funding additional extras if she isn't prepared to do a bit for herself.

You shouldn't have had to work at 11. That wasn't fair. And just because you had to work as a child doesn't mean your child should too. It's like someone saying it's ok that they hit their kid because their dad used to beat them black and blue so they've got it easy.

She's 16, perfectly reasonable to not be working and being fully supported by her parents financially. Both in essentials and in pocket money, hobbies etc.

She presumably will be in college/sixth form next year. I think kids should be supported fully until 18, and in essentials through to their first degree or until they leave education.

And that’s great it worked out ok for your DS, but we hear so frequently of young people desperately trying and failing to secure employment. With that in mind, would it really be so bad for the OP’s daughter to at least give this part-time role a go, even if not for the whole summer?

The other thing people are overlooking here is the dire job market. If your daughter has something to put on her CV at 16, this will set her up over and above her peers, when applying for future work. Mine had shop jobs at weekends from 16 and worked part time through uni, never been without a job since (late 20s now) I’d encourage her, maybe go easy on the hours she actually works.

It can be really hard to get a job without experience, even a summer in an office might get her into a temp job later on between studies so I would strongly incentivise it, and also not be paying for 'treats' like fancy clothes/makeup etc. My parents gave me a clothing allowance that would buy a decent amount of non-brand stuff but I had a pt job for Levi's and LAGear trainers etc (guess my age!).

I assumed most 16 year olds either worked or where looking for work both of my girls worked from 16 and I did to we all technically worked from about 13 if you count paper rounds, babysitting, dog walking etc but all had proper part time jobs at 16 and so did all there friends. Im actually suprised at the amount of people on this thread making excuses for 16 year olds not to work. I would never of paid for my 16 year olds Charlotte Tilbury skin care and mac make up and IPhone contracts and concerts and expensive clothes and trainers and bags or for them to get some alcohol for the weekend or vapes/ fags and takeaways sod that. You want nice things you work for it.

With all the news about Neets and the job market lately, it makes me think missing out on this experience would be a mistake. It could give her a slight edge in a really competitive environment.

I babysat from 12 and had a paying job from 15. I loved it! I don’t think kids need to be coddled as much as they are now.

Sure, if the OP’s daughter doesn’t want to do it, no point forcing her. And the role can go to someone else that can make the most of the opportunity. But the OP may take the opportunity to spell out the consequences and let those play out.

It’s a harsh and competitive world out there. These young people who “just don’t want to” do something which has such obvious benefits are likely to be in for a rude awakening. (Unless, mum and dad are happy to baby them forever, of course!)

They are paying she has a roof over her head food in her stomach and running water.

Do any of you know any actual 16 year olds. They are not useless! They are not even particularly young. Half of them are having sex. Most of them are drinking, most of them will be learning to drive next year. They've chosen their post 16 provision, they hit puberty years ago. They are really competent people and no one except their parents cuts them any slack for anything.
OP I'm sorry your girl is falling back on the trope of surly teen. Of course you are not responsible for paying all her expenses. You are responsible for allocating family money as you see fit and if you don't want to fund her classes because she has the opportunity to earn her own money, but doesn't want to, no one would blame you if you stopped.

See, I'm a little conflicted. If she wants extras she will need to work but if not I can why she's not bothered. I got a job at 16, but I didn't really want to work, didn't particularly enjoy working. Yes, I wanted some money but had nothing really to spend much on, little social life. I wasn't into clothes, makeup or anything like that.I went to the pictures and bought food while out but that was it. I was forced into it by a step father who resented that I was still at school. By 17 I had to work 5 nights a week in a local pub whilst studying for A levels.

My own DC started working at 14, precisely because they wanted money, clothes, gadgets that we couldn't afford for them..branded etc.They had a much stronger work ethic than I had as a result.

Will it help her in long run, will she be paid a real hourly rate? I'd say, it's probably her last school holiday that is entirely free, and those are short lived days. She'll be in the world of work a long time. I had a little part time job at 16 and worked part time through uni and I remember those lovely long holidays to do with what I will, with fondness. I mean it was the early 00s so I was reading and day dreaming or seeing friends whereas these days the temptation is to scroll it away but if she's doing dance and activities, don't see why she needs to lose her last summer of freedom.

Jess needs to realise that she could easily work during the Summer and earn her own money. I assume she’s finishing her GCSEs soon.

Oh behave 😂 it’s part time! She will have plenty of spare time, plus money in her pocket to enjoy it.

When my dd was offered a weekend job on a plate via me, I said “yes, what time do you want her there?”. No, she didn’t fancy doing it, she’d much rather have messed about all weekend and had me paying for everything. But I didn’t give her much choice in the matter and it got her off to a very good start. Sometimes teenagers need a kick up the backside and it does them no harm.

OP - you have chosen to reject the lifestyle you lived as a child and better yourself. You are not raising your child the same way you were raised, you have given her a completely different childhood and as such, she’s got different priorities.

There still will be children living in poverty who have the same drive you did, just you’ve not raised your child in poverty.

Is dance something she’s taking quite seriously? If she can get up to levels 7&8 from most exam boards they have ucas points as they are level 3 qualifications.

You have given your child different experiences and qualifications. (I would also suggest you frame this as work experience for her cv later, not just about getting money now. She clearly has different priorities than you had at her age.)

Might it be the kind of job on offer? My eldest worked at 16 in a chain restaurant then a trendy shoe shop and had a ball and made great friends who were all into the same things as her. She’d have refused office work too as being boring. At that age a job should be fun. She has the rest of her life for dull office jobs with grown ups for colleagues.

I remember being 16 when loads of my year when out and got jobs in offices and they hated it because they were all working with people
in their 30s upwards so had nothing in common and no social life from it.

Yeah, I agree. I think the mum could easily say she can't fund the dance classes fully without some financial input from the daughter. But yeah, the work placement should go to a kid who genuinely wants it.

How has she been brought up, was she expected to do chores in the house, be responsible for a pet, do her own washing and ironing, clean her room?

I would stop all extras, food and basic toiletries only, unless she takes a paying job during the holidays.

YANBU and I am surprised at some of the negative comments towards on here towards the OP. Both my kids had jobs at 16 which included working extra in the school holidays.

I do wonder if some mumsnetters live on a different planet. I don't know anyone who can fund their child through uni. Everyone I know would expect their child to get a part time job whilst at uni and have to take the loans. In fact I would be encouraging my kids to do an apprenticeship as most graduates end up struggling to find work and in poorly paid jobs anyway, but that's another thread.

Op I agree with you and would expect my child to be looking for part time work at 16. All my friends kids work part time but it's been a lot harder to find jobs than when we were younger. Your child's been given an opportunity and should grab it with both hands. As pp have said don't pay for any extras she will soon get the hint but all the while you are doing it she's not going to see the point in working.

Op school holidays in Uk aren't exactly long,
It would make more sense for her to try for a Saturday shop job.

16 is too young to work?

We’re all doomed if this is the way children are raised now. It explains a lot.