16 Year old daughter doesn’t want to work 😢😕

[HeatherBlack1990]

PLEASE lovely girls ! I need your input 🙏🤝🫂
16 year old daughter has just been offered A CHANCE to come & help out in a busy office to give her something to do in the long Summer months
I know the employers & they are lovely 👍💕
Daughter can’t really be bothered 😕 AND expects ME to book & pay for dance schools and basically fund EVERYTHING all Summer long & BEYOND
It’s not so much the money - it’s that she has very little motivation 😢😞
I had my first job at 11 & worked part-time all through A Levels
Jess shows NO such motivation
ANY / ALL comments gratefully received 🙏🤝💕
Even the negative ones !!!

She will struggle to get an apprenticeship without work experience I can tell you that for free.

They are so competitive.

@HeatherBlack1990 do you get child benefit for her?
If yes I would just give her that as her pocket money (just over £25 a week).
Tell her anything beyond family food, equipment for school, basic clothes and toiletries that you will provide if she wants something it has to come out of that £25.
If she feels she wants more....then that might be her incentive.

Just going out with her friends which I pay for
All the things you mention - clothes & school stuff etc etc
Holidays
Teachers gifts
Doggy
Friends gifts

yes absolutely
that is what I have been telling her !!!

It was easy in our house - we paid for the day-to-day, they paid for the fun stuff if they wanted an iPhone or a concert ticket, they saved or got a job - both of my DDs worked in a local cafe from 14. It was so valuable in many ways, including the work ethic, understanding money, and budgeting. social skills. We have 4 YP who work for us now, just a few hours on a Saturday - but again, seeing them grow in confidence and people skills is awesome.

So cut out the fun stuff, if they want expensive makeup/clothes etc let them fund it themselves - our DD's are now in their early 20s, one just graduating with a master's and managed to secure a grad job, buying her own flat with deposit saved from working and being kept on part-time after her year in industry - getting the understanding of money and life is so valuable young.

yep or even a job after uni if that's the way she goes - as so many of those my DD met who haven't got graduate jobs had empty CVs

Of course she should work during the summer. Starting at 13, my dd knew she wasn’t allowed to just do nothing all summer. There was plenty of time for lounging, but she also had to do a bit of volunteering.

last summer at 16 she worked some weeks and traveled others.

this summer she is volunteering again which matches her career plans.

she still gets plenty of time to be a zombie staring at her phone, so much it drives me crazy. She still goes out with her friends. She just also understands she can’t only do those things. Planning for the future is important.

Right....stop paying for going out with friends and any gifts.
That she needs to pay for out of the £25.
You need to pay for (family) holidays and the dog. She shouldn't be expected to fund those.

I have a 16yo DD, I expect her to work. She has a Saturday job in Next and has loved saving up her money to dip in and out of when she wants to.

I am not in a position to fund the social life she'd like to have (festivals, concerts, sports games, meals out weekly) and so if she wants those things, she can pay for them herself now. I can't see any negatives.

I think there’s a middle ground to be found here @HeatherBlack1990

tell her she doesn’t need to take the job you’ve found her but if she wants you to continue to pay for dance lessons she needs to find something by herself that’s part time that shows willing.

Does she have any money that she has to manage for herself ? An allowance for certain things each month. Once gone, then it is gone.
You seem to be her ATM mum. I wonder if she needs to learn about money and having to make choices as well ?

Like you i had to work from a young age .
My family could never afford for me to do hobbies and the money i earned was for essentials like hygiene products and shoes.
I vowed my kids would be able to be free to study,have hobbies and not be pressured into needing to work young.
Both my kids did do some paid work associated with their hobbies at weekend by choice and did do some work experience in the school holidays which was beneficial in many ways.
Does your DD have things she wants to do in the summer holidays ,why is she against the office work ?

Child benefit barely covers her food IF she is an eldest child.

Yes she's 19

The need to have an income is the usual motivator for going to work. If nothing else.
If she feels she doesn’t ever need to have any income for herself because all she does will be provided for by you she sees no need to go to work.

My friend's son works at Primark. He's 17 and dropped out of school (Y12) a few months ago. Works 20 hours a week so does not pay tax.
No one cares (apart from my friend, obviously) - she's hoping he'll go to college next year but he is 18 before Christmas so then really no one will care.

Only pay for bare necessities plus dog. Nothing else at all ever (no more dancing/coffee with friends etc). Does she do all her own laundry, clean her room, cook a meal at least once a week from scratch? If not why not? She needs to be world ready and that means financially and physically. It is your job as a parent to help (make) her do this Now. No more playing around it is time for her to grow up.

I’d stop paying for the fun stuff 🤷‍♀️

Until you say no to giving her money she’s not going to be motivated.

I would give her a year’s grace personally. 16 is still a child and freshly finished high school I’m assuming? I got my first job at 17 as that’s when I found I needed more money to fund my social life etc. I certainly didn’t want to go straight into work after finishing GCSEs. My parents paid for my dance until then and I also got a monthly allowance. Once I started earning, I paid them a percentage (not very much but enough to teach budgeting etc) of my earnings as ‘board’.

A child has to be minded all the time. I was working full time at that age: She is not a child.

This is completely untrue. There are a few restrictions for under 18s such as serving alcohol & certain construction sites but in all my years of employing young people as long as it’s after the last Friday in June of year 11 & risk assessments are done there is no extra insurance etc.

You’re paying for everything. She has no idea as to making choices of what she can afford. Does she get an allowance from you so she can learn to manage money? I would pay for shoes, coats, underwear, sports kits and lessons. Other clothing items and toiletries and going out she would pay for from her allowance.

Daughter became savvy at coming with me shopping as then I’d buy her extras when on an outing. That worked as she was appreciating me and we had lovely lunches out etc she held down a paper round for a year until her final year in 6th form where she concentrated on her studies.

Why won't the kennels and others accept part time staff under 18 then?

We have 17 year olds working in local businesses, including waitresses in pubs, but they are all students. They are not full time employees.

As a business they may have decided that it’s not worth training or they don’t trust an under 18 with the animals. Or they might not want to adhere to the more frequent restrictions breaks etc.

But it’s perfectly legal to if they want to.

often employers use age as an excuse

Some companies just don't want to employ under 18s because there are restrictions on hours that can be worked/shift patterns and sometimes things like equipment restrictions.
That's down to an individual company though.
But it's not illegal to employ a 16 or 17 year old full time.