16 Year old daughter doesn’t want to work 😢😕

[HeatherBlack1990]

PLEASE lovely girls ! I need your input 🙏🤝🫂
16 year old daughter has just been offered A CHANCE to come & help out in a busy office to give her something to do in the long Summer months
I know the employers & they are lovely 👍💕
Daughter can’t really be bothered 😕 AND expects ME to book & pay for dance schools and basically fund EVERYTHING all Summer long & BEYOND
It’s not so much the money - it’s that she has very little motivation 😢😞
I had my first job at 11 & worked part-time all through A Levels
Jess shows NO such motivation
ANY / ALL comments gratefully received 🙏🤝💕
Even the negative ones !!!

At 16 I'd still to be paying for things like dance lessons. If she wants lots of extra frivolous spends, then yes she could get a job.

I am not surprised a 16 year old has no motivation to work, that's still very young. You working from 11 doesn't inspire me, it makes me quite sad.

@HeatherBlack1990 just checking that you haven't used your real name or that of your daughter's in your post?

Your DD is 16 and will understand the implications of you being clear and saying that you can't fund everything she wants. How many hours / weeks of work are we talking about? Is this her post GCSE summer break?

She can't be bothered to do it cos she doesn't need to. Be clear you will fund basics but no fripperies ... nights out clothes etc.

I'm not a girl or particularly lovely but my thoughts are that it's not that big a deal for a 16.year old to prefer to spend their summer doing fun stuff instead of working in an office.

I motivated mine to look for part time work by not funding everything they wanted to do. They soon start wanting to work when they see their friends working and treating themselves to stuff they can't have.

Then stop funding everything! I had to pay for everything for myself at that age - hobbies, sanitary towels - and ergo, I worked.

She is a child, so yes the law expects you to fund all her expenses until she is an adult. If you can’t afford to continue dance lessons, then you would need to sit her down and tell her why the family income doesn’t stretch to it.

I see you worked from age 11, that is illegal child labour. Most children who work, they need the money because the family can’t get by without it.

Her only motivation for work right now should be for school. Her education should be the priority. Today, she will likely be working for 60 years, why add to that by expecting her to work the last bits of her childhood?

You were adultified at a very early age. It’s hard not to compare you at that age to her at that age. I do it with my kids all the time. Take a step back and realise these extra years are a gift you can give your child, years you should have had to be a child.

That isn’t a good thing. That was born of necessity.

I had no choice
We had no money
No money = job in rural Scotland

Dh and I would encourage her to take the work experience. Our sons have worked since 16 and 18. They like earning money. I thought most youngsters did. I’d be concerned about her lack of ambition.

A balance between the two approaches would be good!

Give her a break FFS. she's only sixteen.
Let her have her youth and she will look for a job in her own time when she wants more money.
Also is this something you organised. If so, no-one especially at that age wants railroaded in their choice of work.
As for your working at 11, that is someone no-one should aspire to and belongs in the dark ages.

Just part-time - take it and see how it goes I say
Not full time - just helping out to build her confidence up !!

And here is the problem, kids are being babied. 16 is not very young it is old enough to want things, to learn the value of money and work and not to expect parents to pay for everything. I was married with my own home at 16. Old enough to work full time and pay a mortgage on that first home. It is very sad that she has no motivation to earn money, get experience and a reference for when she is out in the real world. Is there something she really wants that you can use as motivation ?

yes it is - just as and when
But she doesn’t strike me as being too keen to do much work !!!
Just dance & messing around ALL PAID FOR by me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I can't say I blame her to be honest. Spending summer working in an office probably doing very boring menial work is not a 16 year olds dream after competing GCSEs
Is the job full time for the whole summer? If so I think you are being unreasonable explaining her to take it.
If it's a couple of days a week I would try and persuade her to take it though as it will give her good experience of the world of work that she can put on her CV and it will give her some money that she can either put in savings or use for new clothes, days out etc. I would still pay for her dance lessons etc .

Without knowing your age, that was presumably a different time- you must appreciate that being married with your own home at 16 is not very common these days.

Motivation comes in lots of forms- school, dance classes, etc. It's doesn't have to be about having a job.

She's probably got 60+ years of working life ahead of her, if money isn't a necessity I'd be encouraging her to enjoy her youth as long as possible.

Yep agree.

This is my thoughts on it.

My DD has a Saturday job as do most of her friends. She’s predicted great GCSE grades, has a boyfriend, still has hobbies etc. But if she wants to buy loads of clothes and spent money on expensive drinks and all that stuff, she can fund that herself!

I was working in a shop at age sixteen after school and on Saturdays. It was quite penal among my friends and got us money so that we could buy things for ourselves rather than relying on pocket money.

I was very much our choice, and I’ve no idea how much encouragement you should give if your daughter is not keen.

i do think you should be paying for those things but I get what you mean.

Can you find something she could be saving up for to inspire her? Driving lessons?

Oh, holy emoji.

If it's not about the money then you fund things provided she works, she gets to keep her pay have some spending money and save a bit, I assume she is being paid? If she won't work you also prefer to do other things than pay for her and ferry her around.

If meet her half way
say she works and gets the experience and earns the money or no dance classes or treats -
basics only
we don’t do lazy this end - don’t enable it otherwise she’ll be in for a shock!

I started working in a bakery at 12, then on to a supermarket at 13 and didn't stop working. I liked my money to buy things! Money is a factor, so if your daughter doesn't get everything paid for it may help motivate her.

Saying that... 16 and just finished GCSE? Only young once so I kinda think it would be nice for her to have a couple of weeks off from study. But after that, she's old enough now to get part time jobs to see her through college and summer holidays and will grow a good work ethic.

Just tell her your bank needs a holiday. My asd ds 17 has a pt job. Against my wildest dreams he can do it and enjoys it. Or maybe he just enjoys earning his own money. When his daily 'needs' became more and more I suggested he get a job..
You do your dd no favours paying her way in every way.

There needs to a half way house.

My daughter was a dancer and my son a musician. It is expensive. I paid for weekly classes BUT they were expected to work and pay for extras once they left school. My son part funded an expensive NYMT production. His friend worked to fund the entire thing. My daughter assisted at Saturday & holiday dance classes for younger children to help fund her own expenses. One summer when she couldn't find paid work she voluntered in a library and she was able to talk about that eperience a few years later in an actual job interview.

Once you are past the last Friday in June then she is free to work. From that point on I would be providing only the basics. Food, essential clothes & toiletries and a token amount of pocket money say £10-12 per week.