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Parenting

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16 Year old daughter doesn’t want to work πŸ˜’πŸ˜•

341 replies

HeatherBlack1990 · 11/06/2026 15:13

PLEASE lovely girls ! I need your input πŸ™πŸ€πŸ«‚
16 year old daughter has just been offered A CHANCE to come & help out in a busy office to give her something to do in the long Summer months
I know the employers & they are lovely πŸ‘πŸ’•
Daughter can’t really be bothered πŸ˜• AND expects ME to book & pay for dance schools and basically fund EVERYTHING all Summer long & BEYOND
It’s not so much the money - it’s that she has very little motivation 😒😞
I had my first job at 11 & worked part-time all through A Levels
Jess shows NO such motivation
ANY / ALL comments gratefully received πŸ™πŸ€πŸ’•
Even the negative ones !!!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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JustGiveMeReason · 11/06/2026 16:13

You need to sit down with her and ask her how she is planning to fund
-driving license
-driving lessons
-driving tests
-car
-car insurance
-going to gigs
-make up / trainers / clothes / hair / nails / whatever she is in to
-socialising at University (if that is her plan, to go to University)

Show her the prices of these things.
Show her how useful to her it will be to have some money in the bank.

Then, as others have said, show her articles about people finding it nigh on impossible to get jobs without prior work experience.

BillieWiper · 11/06/2026 16:14

I'll say that I didn't really want to work. At 16.
Unfortunately I wasn't keen on school either. But in my day you could go into ft work at 17/18 no bother.

If she's doing well at school then that's good enough isn't it? If you can't afford the dance school then say so. But if she doesn't want to work and just dosses about the placement it'll be no good for her or the employer.

If it's a 'favour' to you, couldn't it be postponed a year or so?

Surely she definitely does want to work in future? But at that age it can be perfectly reasonable to not be fully ready for work.

napody · 11/06/2026 16:14

HeatherBlack1990 · 11/06/2026 15:24

Just part-time - take it and see how it goes I say
Not full time - just helping out to build her confidence up !!

As it's part time, I agree OP this is actually a great opportunity for her and something most of her cohort won't have on their CV. Future her will be glad if you can possibly nudge her into it. Cut allowance and say you'll match her wages instead?

Edited to add: I think people harking back to what they did at 16 are missing the point. Entry level jobs are disappearing. This is a really good chance to get experience at one - it's time sensitive as the times are changin'.

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CheerfulYank · 11/06/2026 16:16

A part time job at 16 is a great idea. If she doesn’t want to do it, fine, but then she can go without a ton of lottle extras. I’d still pay for dance class though.

MrsAga · 11/06/2026 16:18

Ask her what sort of holiday job she’d like to do instead & what is she doing to get that job. Make it clear that parents don’t pay for everything forever & she has to start earning her own spends. It may be she just doesn’t want an office job. It’s not pleasant as a teenager when the penny drops that school was actually easier than the working world. She definitely shouldn’t have to work full time though, let her feel like she’s still got a summer break.

Helpwithdivorce · 11/06/2026 16:18

I had a paper round at 12. By 16 I was working 3 evenings a week in a restaurant serving tables. This was the norm then.
I got very basic pocket money Β£2 a week from my parents. Anything else I funded myself. I will be teaching my daughters the same. If they want extra money they get a job.
Unfortunately paper rounds seem to be a thing of the past. But leaflet delivery is still a thing so I applied for and got a job to deliver leaflets (they don’t let children apply) and my daughter delivers them and gets the money. She’s 13

RaininSummer · 11/06/2026 16:19

It's an amazing chance to get experience in an office which very hard to get and will really help her one day when applying for jobs. She should do at least a few weeks but if she is going back to school or college then she also needs a bit of a break over the summer.

AmberTigerEyes · 11/06/2026 16:20

Speaking of my kids, they all had coursework to do over the summer from their sixth forms even before they started yr12

godmum56 · 11/06/2026 16:22

HeatherBlack1990 · 11/06/2026 15:13

PLEASE lovely girls ! I need your input πŸ™πŸ€πŸ«‚
16 year old daughter has just been offered A CHANCE to come & help out in a busy office to give her something to do in the long Summer months
I know the employers & they are lovely πŸ‘πŸ’•
Daughter can’t really be bothered πŸ˜• AND expects ME to book & pay for dance schools and basically fund EVERYTHING all Summer long & BEYOND
It’s not so much the money - it’s that she has very little motivation 😒😞
I had my first job at 11 & worked part-time all through A Levels
Jess shows NO such motivation
ANY / ALL comments gratefully received πŸ™πŸ€πŸ’•
Even the negative ones !!!

did you lick the road clean with your tongue?

thefloorislavayes · 11/06/2026 16:25

Judging by your use of emojis, I suspect the time you spent working at 11 might have been better spent in school.
I'm not quite sure where the hardship is in booking and paying for dance lessons. Nor am I sure what you mean by "endless months" - the school summer holiday is only about six weeks long.
As for a lack of motivation, I'm not seeing it. Your daughter may not be motivated to spend six weeks of her summer holiday working in an office, but she clearly seems motivated to dance, and presumably to pursue other interests as well.
I'd suggest not using your own experience of child labour as a template for how all children should spend their childhoods. If your daughter loves dancing, perhaps the answer is simply to support that.
A dance teacher's rates often start at around Β£20 per hour, while a growing amount of office work is being automated. Your daughter may be onto something.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/06/2026 16:28

Just tell her she has to that’s what my mum didn with me at that age, and no pocket money

AngelsWithSilverWings · 11/06/2026 16:28

Both of mine were desperate to work from 16 as we made it clear they would only get very basic pocket money from us.

We have noticed that jobs for young people and students are getting harder and harder to find lately so your DD should be jumping at the chance to get some paid office experience during the summer. This will be amazing for her CV when you have to work very hard to stand out in this tough job market.

The restaurant my DD17 works at closed down suddenly last weekend and the owners have gone awol. She immediately started applying for work on Indeed and has had an interview today and got a paid trial shift set up for this coming weekend already. There was no way she was going be out of work over the summer. Luckily she has got two years experience of waitressing and barista work so will find it easier than most to find work.

Lentilcakes · 11/06/2026 16:29

Agree with those who say it’ll be great for the CV, but if she’s just going to sit around in the office and be grumpy there’s no point as it’ll look bad on you (we had this w DD, now she’s in her own wrt work opportunities as not interested in my DH’s extensive connections.

BeMellowAquaSquid · 11/06/2026 16:29

I had a paper round at 11. Worked in a chip shop at 14 (best job ever). Department store from 16-18 then full time work from 18. Starting young made me so super confident with people I don’t think there’s anything wrong working from a young age I don’t recall my parents encouraging it it was because I wanted to. Can she not be encouraged to at least try it?

my dds first job was a Christmas elf!

Tonissister · 11/06/2026 16:29

I'd be concerned if she didn't want to do anything at all. But she wants to do dance classes. That's focus and effort. But OP, I agree with you that she needs to understand the job market is dire right now and the chance for some early work experience could be the making of her. I would suggest you will pay for a two week dance summer school if she agrees to a two-week internship at the office.

Do you think that is workable?

Tonissister · 11/06/2026 16:32

Like PPs I worked from age 12, right through, and paid for everything myself. I got rubbish GCSEs partly because I was busy working. My own DC didn't have regular jobs until after they left school. My argument was that studying was their job, but they did have to work hard and aim high, which they did. After school they got jobs in bars, cafes, holiday resorts and factories during their gap years, so it didn't hold them back.

Allmarbleslost · 11/06/2026 16:33

I would certainly be encouraging her strongly to take the job. I worked full time the summer after GCSEs, as did all my friends. If this opportunity is only part time she will have plenty of time for rest and relaxation around it.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 11/06/2026 16:36

How hard is it to say that this is your X allowance per month/week for July and August? Dance classes need to come out of that budget.

X&Y have offered you PT work at Β£X for Y days. We need to get back to them by Friday to say if you are interested as they are holding it for you. Otherwise they will offer it to someone else.

After that, consequence.....

Astrabees · 11/06/2026 16:37

I’m not that ancient and I worked in our family business from 13. I managed to save for clothes and holidays and towards a car later on. I encouraged both my sons to have jobs from 16, one worked for Tesco and the other in a local restaurant. It was really good for them, both got 4 good A levels with one going to Oxford and the other to a Russell group uni.
I really believe that at 16 young people need to start being responsible about money and not expect parents to pay for everything.Faffing about doing bugger all for the summer is not doing them any favours.

Delphiniumandlupins · 11/06/2026 16:38

When my DS was 17/18 I briefly wished he had a drug habit (or at least an expensive hobby) so that he was motivated to get a summer holiday job! I think you should cover most of your DD's expenses but if there are extra dance lessons, clothes or fancy shampoo she wants then that might spur her on.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 11/06/2026 16:41

Wow, what a great opportunity to gain experience, feel grown-up and earn some cash! I'd have jumped at that but sadly it sounds like your daughter isn't interested. As others have said, you are responsible for her living costs and essentials but I wouldn't be funding extras and luxuries (make-up, new clothes she doesn't really need, socialising).

FunnySam · 11/06/2026 16:42

At 16 isn’t that the summer after school (finally) ends? This is usually their biggest & most fun summer they will get. I don’t think any 16yo wants to work? She will have to work her entire adult life so encouragement helps and if this is a part time job then don’t see why not, it would help her CV and to get to learn what jobs are like. However she is 16 and not many jobs take people that young. 11yo is illegal to work and not normal so that part is irrelevant to your daughter working. I did work at 16 but didn’t get pocket money so had to.

Lowandhandhold · 11/06/2026 16:45

the summer between GCSEs and A-levels should be one of the best carefree summers of a young persons life. Not working in a bloody office. How sad for her.

MajorProcrastination · 11/06/2026 16:45

It's a balance isn't it.

I had a job at 16 and that gave me more financial independence to spend on silly adventures with my friends (holiday to Newquay, cinema, nights out out (different times!), nail varnish, magazines etc but mainly in hindsight it was good for me to have experience from holidays and weekends of working in offices, shops, restaurants, bars.

My parents paid for my essentials and the normal stuff. I didn't do any summer schools or courses or paid activities as we couldn't afford it but some friends did national youth orchestra type things.

That's what helped me get my foot in the door at my first real job post uni - the holiday office work which meant I was the only applicant who'd used a certain accounting package at my age.

The customer facing stuff is valuable too, it's good practice for all of us to have real understanding of how challenging it can be and to flex those social skill muscles and problem solving.

Of course I loved also having plenty of spare time to sunbathe while listening to my favourite CDs, or reading books in my bedroom, or playing badminton or frisbee at the park while not so secretly watching the hot older boys play football. BUT it does no harm to have some structure and paid employment.

My older son has taken up all opportunities to work as he wants and needs the money. He does still moan about early mornings in the holidays but he's buzzing when he comes home as the lads he works with are great with him.

I think you and your daughter need to find a happy middle ground - is this office job full time? Would a 2-3 day a week option be enough? You could agree that you're paying for the dance course but that she won't get any other pocket money or handouts for going to the cinema or the beach or a curry. That's the money that she needs to be working for.

Final thing - I see so many people locally on facebook who are desperate to find a job as a 16 year old and it's hard unless it's a family friend's business. I don't think she realises how good she's got it!

ThePM · 11/06/2026 16:48

I have a 16 year old who thought for awhile that work was something to be avoided as long as possible. Seeing her younger sibling having earned money helped her learn otherwise.

I would tend to be pretty strict and harsh on this one.