16 Year old daughter doesn’t want to work 😢😕

[HeatherBlack1990]

PLEASE lovely girls ! I need your input 🙏🤝🫂
16 year old daughter has just been offered A CHANCE to come & help out in a busy office to give her something to do in the long Summer months
I know the employers & they are lovely 👍💕
Daughter can’t really be bothered 😕 AND expects ME to book & pay for dance schools and basically fund EVERYTHING all Summer long & BEYOND
It’s not so much the money - it’s that she has very little motivation 😢😞
I had my first job at 11 & worked part-time all through A Levels
Jess shows NO such motivation
ANY / ALL comments gratefully received 🙏🤝💕
Even the negative ones !!!

I think that she should agree to try it for the experience/ something to put on her cv/ personal statement, that is far more valuable than the pay.

Does she get much pocket money at the moment? How does she pay for things?
If the money isn't motivation enough perhaps you can offer her a bonus /top up / treat if she tries it/ sticks it out?

My own 16‑year‑old works full time, and while I still cover the cost of his activities, I no longer buy his clothes, toiletries, or other personal extras.

He can use the shared family toiletries in the bathroom, and we still buy clothes for birthdays and Christmas, but outside of that he’s responsible for his own wardrobe and day‑to‑day items.

I’d take the same approach here. I’d continue paying for dance and the core things that matter, but any additional spending would be her responsibility. If she wants something beyond the basics, she pays for it, and if she can’t, she goes without. It’s a tough lesson, but an important one.

God, pass my DD details, graduated last year and struggling to find a job, it’s bloody tough out there, one company asked for a Russell group grad with a 1st class degree for an Admin role, £26,000
what an opportunity for her, lucky girl
dont pay for dance classes

First of all, explain the difference this job will make to her CV.
Then - as she presumably won't listen to you - just fund the essentials.... food, accommodation, school equipment, basic clothes (so that she's decent - supermarket T shirts etc), basic toiletries (sanpro, toothpaste, deodorant etc... no fancy stuff or make up).
She'll get the message.

Does she go college or has she just finished year 11? What does she do/want to do at college?

Think you've had a rough ride on here @HeatherBlack1990 she should absolutely take the opportunity- is it possible to work part time? I waitressed part time every weekend from the age of 16 - and also took a summer job at my neighbours - they ran an estate agents selling licensed property and would leave me to hold the fort as well as walk their dog, water the garden for 3/4 weeks over the summer whilst they went on holiday. It was nerve wracking but a fantastic opportunity and I learnt so much. Age 17 onwards I had 3 jobs over the summer holidays and worked every day - I loved it - worked at the estate agents, waitressing and for an events company doing weddings. As a very introverted teenager it did wonders for confidence and I gained so many life skills - managing money, time, how to be professional, have a strong work ethic. I loved the social side and made so many friends and had a lot of fun.

You have absolutely got the right attitude OP. One of the biggest problems we have in the UK right now is school leavers not being ready for work - because they've been molly coddled by their parents, handed everything on a plate, no life skills, no work ethic, entitled. The amount of graduates we've had start in previous companies where they have been totally clueless about the real world. It's depressing if this is what the younger generation has become. If your daughter wants to spend all summer doing dance classes then she needs to earn money to pay for them.

I worked all the way through university- 24 hours per week over a weekend. I wasn't poor but I was proud to be working and earning my way. And it set me up for my first job once I left uni. I would give her an ultimatum if she doesn't want to take this work experience to choose a different one at least on a part time basis.

An office job sounds incredibly boring for a 16 year old.

At that age we were all working in cafes, restaurants, tearooms, ice-cream shops, leisure centres etc. Somewhere that your mates could stop by for a chat and you could be with people your own age.

The office sounds dull as dishwater.

Most of my friends' children had jobs, as did mine. I did have one friend whose children didn't. The ones who didn't do any work at all found that when it came to full time time work after education they were overlooked for jobs and were a long time unemployed.

Is she wanting to be a professional dancer with the dance courses being part of training towards eventual employment?

If so, she needs to talk to her dance teachers about the reality of professional performing work and that most of them have another job that runs alongside the dance. Trying out office work will help her find out if that's something she can tolerate (Vs shop work or bar work or another sort of job when she's older)

Also she needs to understand something about dance as a time limited career and the risks of injury much like young professional rugby players are encouraged to have a plan for after rugby.

And yes if she's just finished her GCSES or other exams it's not unreasonable for her to want some down time and prep time for the courses that start in September. She might end up liking that most junior office jobs are confined to their set hours and don't have homework.

I have the opposite problem my 16 year old has taken his CV to all the local shops and not heard a single thing.I keep finding him searching Indeed.He’s done this off his own back which I’m pleased about.He likes money but knows he has to earn it, there’s no bottomless pit in this house.Its a great opportunity.

Out of interest do most of you make your children do chores for pocket money? I wonder if those kids that don't want to work weren't made to. My dd 14 has to do the washing up and babysits to get her monthly £40. She uses this to buy things from vinted and makeup ect. She also has to get the bus /train often, I don't ferry her around everywhere or will make agreement, you get there and I'll pick you up later. I think the key is teach them the value of money early on. Parents make a rod for their own backs by doing everything for their kids and mollycoddling, it's not going to help them as a adult.

16yo is old enough to do a little job, tell her if she wants to go to dance classes etc she needs to work.

If she works and you can afford classes etc, then get her to pay and give her the money back at the end of the summer. I think she'll like the money more then and you can badge it as a reward for her hard work!

@Bunnyofhope Did you use your daughter’s real name? I’d amend that if I were you.

I will add all experience good or bad is worth gaining. Unless she has a burning desire for a specific career path. Alot of kids don't know what they do and one way to find is trying all sorts of opportunities to figure our what suits her best.

My friends that didn't work whilst at school/university struggled to find jobs and alot failed to launch and I think alot of it was down to lack of work ethic. They felt alot of jobs were beneath them. They also couldn't answer alot of the interview questions well because they had no experience to fall back on and they were not seen favourably by interviewers. Competition is tough. It's not enough to be clever. When I'm hiring graduates I want to see someone that's motivated, has some common sense, life experience etc and I would be more likely to overlook someone who hasn't worked at all.

You are mixing up two different things here.

My children had to do chores without being paid for them.
I don't think it's great to teach children that you only do things if you get money for them; some things you just "have" to do.

They both had jobs at 16.

Just stop paying for things. Then she’ll have to get a job to pay for what she wants and needs.

And for all people saying "it will look great on her CV" it's likely that experience in retail or hospitality work will be more useful for her in the short term.

A long term office job is likely to need a degree, and if she wants/needs to work while at university, she'll have more chance of a job with retail or hospitality experience.

Wow! I am shocked at some of the responses on here. There are so many people worried that their DCs can’t get work after uni - guess what lots of employers want… people who have experience in the workplace, with good references from former employers. I would definitely encourage my children to get a job over the summer after their GCSEs. I spent that summer picking, making money and making new friends. I spent the money on going to festivals and new DM boots!
My DS is too young to work, but is volunteering this summer in the library and a local museum.

There are some right fannies on here! No wonder people complain about work ethics of younger people when parents aren't supportive of work!
I couldn't wait to get some money at that age and grow my independence.

Yes, 16 is the Summer after GCSEs (in England and Wales, at least).

I don’t think any 16yo wants to work?
Mine all did.
Delighted to be earning. Both for things they wanted to spend on in 6th form, but mainly to have money in the bank for driving as soon as they turned 17.

I don't think that is unusual.

How many hours is it?
I would encourage her to take it.
I work with 18 year old students (student nurses) and you can who have had jobs and who haven’t. They have a different and less entitled attitude.
Those are the ones that are having no bother getting jobs.

I would stop funding stuff, yes pay for weekly dance lessons but not the extras that she wants. She needs to learn.
look at all the threads of mothers worried about their late teens/uni leavers struggling to get jobs etc.

Getting a job is a good thing. I loved having my own money at that age!

My dad suggested I work at his company for a few weeks every summer as of 14. I didn't object but knew he'd take a dim view of it if I said no. I marvel at how little kids care about their parents opinions of them these days.

Work experience is so valuable these days. I’d really encourage her to take it.

I was working full-time at 16. Ten years ago my eldest started an apprenticeship at 16 which meant leaving home to live in digs.

If she was my daughter she'd either work part-time for the summer and gain valuable skills and life experience or she'd go without the little extras.

Even better I prefer your approach!