Old Mum in the playground - I'm being silly, I know

[SugarSW7]

This is really silly. I've been friendly to a new mum at the school playground. Both our kids are in reception. We get on, but I'm an old mum. She told me, this week, that I'm the most friendly of the mums. I get the impression she wants to be friends.
She said to me that when she first saw me, she didn't think I would speak to her as I seemed posh. She asked my age, I said 40. She was floored. Shocked. She did go on to day how "I look amazing for my age". I know it was meant as a compliment, but it just made me feel ancient. She's late 20s. I never wanted to be an old mum, but i didn't meet my husband til i was 29. We got married even i was 30, we had lots of miscarriages then we had 3 kids within 3 and a half years. The oldest is 7.
Its really got to me, as i was always scared of this happening - being the old mum in the playground. I'm so embarrassed.

Stop this at once.
You’re not old.
She sounds a bit immature with that response.
As a mum in my twenties, many older mums were my lifeline- they modelled a sort of calm consistency which I struggled with sometimes.

Lots of mums will be your age and older in the playground.

You had your first child at 33? That’s young! I am 42 with a 4 year old and still don’t feel like a particularly old mum. Friendships like those tend to be much more about life situation than actual age. I’m surprised she thought you were old - also she’s incredibly rude to show it

If you're 40 and your child is 4 then you were 36 when they were born? That's not particularly old.

Thank you for the directness... I'm obviously bring really silly, and need to get it together.
In this lovely sunshine were having, half term pending, I can't believe I've even let it get me down.

Why are you embarrassed though?! Every mum will turn 40 one day. Your birth year is a fixed characteristic, you can’t change it so why worry about it? Some women don’t start their families until their 40s and that’s fine too! I’m confused about why you would worry about this at all and I’m only a year younger than you and so is my oldest! My mate at work is the same age as me and they just had their first. Stop worrying and enjoy having a new friend!

Kindly, you are being ridiculous.

Why are you embarrassed though? She paid you a compliment - she obviously didn’t think for a minute you were going to say you were 40 - I’d have been quite pleased tbh - wait till you’re out with your mum and someone thinks you’re sisters 😳 I’ve had that numerous times and mum thinks it’s hilarious (there’s 20 yrs between us) 🤣🤣

I don't feel old in myself, but I guess comparatively to some of the mums. As someone else said, there are plenty of mums my age and older, so why compare myself?
It's just a silly issue of mine. Most of my friends have kids a similar age to me, but I think all the miscarriages meant I had my first later than I would have liked, but I'm so very grateful to have her, let alone two more as well. I know I should think more like this and not get stuck on the interaction.
It's just the "40?!?! WHAT?!😳" The reaction just made me feel very ancient. I know she wasn't trying to be rude.

You are absolutely right, thank you for the head shake❤

I was 41 when I had my last child so I was 46 arriving at the school gates and all I felt was privileged and proud of my daughter. I couldn’t imagine being a mother in my twenty’s, I was out partying and enjoying growing up myself in my twenty’s also focusing on my career. You are not old . And even if you were 50 , so what ? Enjoy having the best job in the world ‘being a mother’ .There are a lot of ladies who don’t get that chance .

I used to travel a lot with my mum and people would frequently ask us how we knew each other! She would joke people must think she’s a rich lesbian with a toy girl 😂

😆😆 my mum would absolutely love this too! I await the day!

I have no idea why I'm embarrassed. Like I say, I just felt like the old mum in the playground - a thing not to worry about at all, really.

Nothing like perspective to make you realise how lucky you are. Thank you, very true ❤️

This is why people stick to people similar to them, I was the young mum and it sadly was weird with older mums there was patronising and jealousy, shock at my age.
I think the younger mum was a bit tactless but not illmeaning. You aren't ancient with 3 kids at 40.
Edit: yeah older mums would say I couldn't imagine being a mum in my 20s, and thr older mums would hear I couldn't imagine babies or toddlers in my 40s!.>
Damned if you do damned if you don't!!

I had my son at 35 so was 40 when he was in reception. I never gave my age or the age of the other mums a second thought.
Don’t worry about it, some people don’t even have children until their early to mid 40s and are 50 at the school gates.

In middleclass playgrounds your age is very average and normal.

I will say having grey hair and small children does seem to shock people and get more of a reaction even though you could be 37 just with lots of undyed greys...mums are always so judged too young, too old...

First child at 33 is very normal

Amongst my friends, this is nothing to even blink at.
Yes, the school is very mixed. Also as a first time mum in her early 20s, she may just have found it surprising as when she's 40, she'll be nowhere near school gates!

Yes, a friend of mine has been referred to as 'Grandma' a couple of times because of this.

Given I was into my 40’s when my eldest started school and I was one of the young ones in the NCT class. Most were over 40 before they gave birth, you are not that old. It just depends on the area you are in

OP, I had this the other way. At the school gates I made friends with a mum who was clearly older than me (you could see: she had a grey bob & was visibly older while I was in that stupid yummy mummy era). I was in my 30s, she was in her 50s. Our 11 year old children became friends. As we got closer she told me her dc was a surprise pregnancy for them when she was 45.

It has been an amazing friendship! We actually embraced the difference in our ages. There were other older and younger mums at the gates but she just always looked & acted older, prob personality too. She seemed to always know what she wanted & what she was doing, had a lot more life experience, but at the same time we seemed similarly flustered about certain issues.

We are still good friends now. Please don’t let it upset you, this mum was probably just surprised by the diversity at the gates.

Another way to look at it - maybe she’s also insecure about her age? I’m a younger mum (20 when DS was born!) and live in an area where most parents are significantly older than me - I have been cold shouldered by a few ‘older mums’ who, as it comes through the school grapevine, feel it was irresponsible having a child so young. I also know some lovely mums in their 40s, but if I didn’t I’d probably be fairly hesitant too in fear of judgement!

Nothing to worry about!
Im 41, was one of the younger mums with my first daughter, and mixed with the older mums well.
Now with my youngest im one of the older mums and made some lovely younger mum friends as well.

My age is my age. I cant do anything about it. Some days I think I look good for my age other days I think I look awful 😂 but im just proud of my girls and proud of me for raising them 💪

Was just thinking how with one of my other kids this happened as well. One mum introduced herself, “I am Lucy’s mum even though you might think I’m her grandma!” So it’s not just on your mind at the school gates. I clearly seemed to gravitate towards the more grown up mums, which probably says more about my lack of confidence in parenting - and life in general 🤣.