Old Mum in the playground - I'm being silly, I know

[SugarSW7]

This is really silly. I've been friendly to a new mum at the school playground. Both our kids are in reception. We get on, but I'm an old mum. She told me, this week, that I'm the most friendly of the mums. I get the impression she wants to be friends.
She said to me that when she first saw me, she didn't think I would speak to her as I seemed posh. She asked my age, I said 40. She was floored. Shocked. She did go on to day how "I look amazing for my age". I know it was meant as a compliment, but it just made me feel ancient. She's late 20s. I never wanted to be an old mum, but i didn't meet my husband til i was 29. We got married even i was 30, we had lots of miscarriages then we had 3 kids within 3 and a half years. The oldest is 7.
Its really got to me, as i was always scared of this happening - being the old mum in the playground. I'm so embarrassed.

My sister is about to have her first at 45 so will be 50 when it starts school. Mums come in all ages.

Oh please don't be embarrassed about being an 'older' mum...why would you? I had my last son at 43 . So I was nearly 50 and still hanging around the playground for pickup time. He is now 17 and I'm nearly 60...I do not look or act like a 60yr old. What you are feeling is just in your head, no one is batting a thought to you and your age. Be proud that you had a child slightly later than average and change your mindset, because you can't change how old you are or the fact you have a child.

I had this exact reaction once, but in a different context, at work. A guy late 20s asked my age (he wasn't being rude, there was context in which it made sense to ask) but he nearly fell of his chair when I said 37. Just kept repeating 'What?, What?'. I just took it as a compliment, but his reaction was very over the top, so I definitely get where you're coming from.

I'm 40 now with a 1 year old - so an older mum than you - and I don't care. Like you, we struggled to have her, we're delighted with her, and I couldn't give a toss what people think of my age. As others have said, she was probably trying to compliment you, just very clumsily.

I have this coming up myself.
My eldest boys are 22 / 19 / 18 & my youngest will be 3 in august. He was an total surprise as my implant had never failed me since I had it fitted when our youngest was 8 months old. I'm 41 in october but I will admit I don't look my age, I never have. When my 19yr old was in school, one of his friends mum was in her early 40s as she had taken a while to conceive but had to have IVF.
We never cared. Her granddaughter was born the same year my youngest was and we made a joke we'd be back on the school run at the same time together again.
Try not to think too much of it OP. She sounds lovely and is obviously not bothered about your age x
(Edited to say I realise how awful "failed me" sounds now i read it back but hopefully understand what i meant)

I work in a school and there is a complete mix of parents. It is generally the older parents I don't see quite as much at school pick up as where I work they are generally the ones who use the after school club facilities. The younger parents for my current class seem to work jobs in school hours (cleaning, nursery work, shift work so use grandparents to do morning drop but then always available for home pick up, or there are some that don't work).
So you might feel self conscious but maybe if you feel only you are the only older parent is it that you are only seeing a small proportion of the class?

55 - daughter in Year 6. You aren’t old!

It is more unusual to give birth in your 20s overall, although in some circles it is of course not. (For example, in a conservative Jewish family). I remember at a Jewish wedding where there was a mix of orthodox Jews and secular Jews and non-Jews, one young orthodox Jewish lady was profoundly shocked that we (secular non-Jews) were all living with our boyfriends/girlfriends before martiage. It seemed earth-shattering for her. Also my future in-laws (CofE vicar and wife) put me and their son in different bedrooms before we were married - even though we lived together and owned a house together! So in that lady’s circle, it is maybe usual to give birth in your early 20s. But in modern Britain overall it is not usual, and your situation is more usual. 40 is the new 20 haha! Or the new 30 at least! But it was still quite painful for you to hear, so I wonder what it might be, it’s something to do with age maybe, something that you feel is lost now, or that you missed out on?

You’re not old.

I am 62 and my kids are at secondary school. I did decide to keep dying my hair to try and fit in better superficially with my kids friends! There do seem to be lots of older mums, it isn't always obvious who is older.

I remember being in the school playground and realising the mum i was talking to was young enough to be my daughter!! We didn't become close friends as we didn't have anything in common beyond our kids. Most my mum friends are similar ages to me. But when the kids are young there is a lot of mingling and spending time with people for the kids sake - no matter what your background, age or circumstance. Life is all the richer for this.

In some parts of the country you would be very normal.
Esp south east amd London where lots of women start familes much later and focus on careers first.

I've never thought of people's ages in the playground. It's not like you were mistaken for a grandma which happened to a friend of mine😬. You are all mothers and you will find some mature/immature ones whatever their ages. Stop thinking about age because there are more important things to have common grounds about in life.

I don’t think I can think of any parents i know who were in their 20s when their kids were born - let alone when they went to school!

40 seems ancient in your 20s, you don’t realise how fast it will come for you…!

In our area, she'd be considered very young to have a kid in reception.

I was in my early 40s when I had both my kids. Never felt old. I looked better than a lot of the mums in their 20s. Stop wasting your energy thinking like that.

I’m nudging 50 and have a child in Reception. At our school the majority of parents of Reception children are over 40. There is only 1 in their 20’s. We also have at least 4 dads I can think of who are in their 50’s. You’d definitely be in the younger half of Reception parents at 40 at our school.

I teach Reception and, for the last 5 years or so, I've noticed that at least half the parents of children in my class would appear to be in the 40-45 age bracket, meaning they likely had their Reception children in their mid-late 30s. It's becoming the new norm for people to start their family later in life.

Maybe it's different where you are? I can understand you feeling 'old' if all the other parents seem to be in their 20s. Around here though, it's very much the norm.

I do think you're being a bit silly, yes. The other mum didn't say that they think 40 is too old to have a child in Reception, just that you look amazing for your age (a compliment!) which suggests they simply didn't realise you were that age. I really don't think they meant anything by it.

The norm around me would definitely be older than you, I'd imagine a lot were in 40 when children born.
I know someone who is 30 years older then their child and says it regularly hits them when around other parents how young they are.

This must be area dependent. I'm 44 and my youngest starts school in September. Loads of mums in their 40s round here.

One of my best friends from baby group was a full 20 years older than me. I was 24 and she was 44. Didn’t matter a jot. We both had new born babies so we were dealing with the same things, and we just got on. Age doesn’t matter at all.

You aren’t old. I had mini blondes at almost 44. Her best friends mum had her at 18

we are great friends and I could be older enough to be her mum

age is only a number

Most women I know who are mums of 4 year olds are in their late 30s or 40, I thought you were going to say you are 50. 40 is completely normal whilst 20 is incredibly young to be a mother. She sounds like she lives in a different time on a different planet.

I thought you were going to say you were 50! There were loads of older mums when my DC were at primary. I was one of the younger ones, for my oldest anyway, I was 35 when she started reception and 37 when DS started so I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at a 40 year old. Many of my ‘mum friends’ had their first st nearly 40! And there were a couple of mums around 50 too to first-timers (private IVF).

I don’t feel old op I’m 40 with an almost 2yr old! Do not beat yourself up!

In London you would be on the younger side. For year 2 the vast, vast majority of parents in my son’s school are over 40. In fact I’m not sure if there are any under 40.

Most parents were 40ish when their child was born, so are 40s and 50s at primary school.