Old Mum in the playground - I'm being silly, I know

[SugarSW7]

This is really silly. I've been friendly to a new mum at the school playground. Both our kids are in reception. We get on, but I'm an old mum. She told me, this week, that I'm the most friendly of the mums. I get the impression she wants to be friends.
She said to me that when she first saw me, she didn't think I would speak to her as I seemed posh. She asked my age, I said 40. She was floored. Shocked. She did go on to day how "I look amazing for my age". I know it was meant as a compliment, but it just made me feel ancient. She's late 20s. I never wanted to be an old mum, but i didn't meet my husband til i was 29. We got married even i was 30, we had lots of miscarriages then we had 3 kids within 3 and a half years. The oldest is 7.
Its really got to me, as i was always scared of this happening - being the old mum in the playground. I'm so embarrassed.

It happened to me with my third child (there was a 10 year gap with my first two) so honestly there’s no reason for you to feel bad: this could have been your third or fourth child and she’d have reacted the same way.

Then you’d have felt bad too because the comment about looking good at 40 could have all sorts of implications about your body after multiple pregnancies. It’s a no-win game, that, so forget about it!

(And 36 is not old for a first child these days anyway - a young couple in my family had a baby at age 23 and 25 recently, and they feel that everyone at the crèche and even on the playground all seem much older than they!)

My friend was 50 when she had her second child ( IVF and donor eggs in Spain). She's 60 now with a child at Primary school. I'm also 60 with adult children and a grandson who will start Primary in September. I married at 24 and had my children at 27 and 28. She married in her 40s. Its just how it works out. Life is a big jolly pot of similarities and differences. Enjoy your children.

Love this. I turned 40 last week and cannot stop thinking about how old I am and how my life is probably half over (maybe more, who knows.) I'm not very happy in most areas of my life right now though and feel so much regret.

OP, I'm sure she didn't mean to be rude, but I would have been put off by the "posh" comment to start with tbh. I hate that shit. I spent my childhood being teased for being "posh" when I was no more so than anyone else, just didn't have the local accent because my parents were from elsewhere. I had my first in late twenties and I would not have been goggling at 40 year old mothers, I knew they existed! She sounds quite naive and immature though may still be a nice person.

Im 44 and my youngest in reception and I am not the oldest mum! One of the other mums has a full head of white hair and I really did think she was the grandma when I first met her! Ive seen pregnant mums at our school with faces that do not match the bump in terms of what I would expect eg very weathered by age! 40 is not old to have a kid in reception. Did you have your child when you were 35 or 36? That's not old!

Perceptions are just different.
I was told by youngest dc that I was the oldest of the mums (when he was in reception). I was 34.
My mum was frequently mistaken as her grandchild's mum in her mid 40's.
Don't give it any headspace. Having dc in your 30's is very normal.

Oh and btw you're not even vaguely an old mum, I had 1st at 29 second at 36, neither felt that old or unusual to me.

@SugarSW7 take the compliments while you can.
I was always told I looked 10 years younger until I hit my 60’s and got diagnosed with a lifelong illness. It’s taken a huge toll on my body.

As a pp said don’t waste precious years, enjoy the present, the past has gone and the future isn’t guaranteed.

Aged 40 with a child in reception is really nothing unusual. Especially if you have 2 older children.

Everything is happening exactly as it is meant to happen for you! Be happy!

Your being ridiculous. One of my closest friends is 9 years older than me. I was 19 when we became friends and am now 45. I also have a teenager, 9 year old and 6 year old and am still not the oldest mum in the playground. I dont think about age of other parents at all.

I was 20 with my first (planned DC) everyone assumed that DC was a surprise which internally irritated me for a long time.
The demographic of their first school, I was by far the youngest mum in our reception year.

Had someone asked your age in a different context OP but still had the same reaction, would you feel the same? Or is it because it happened at school/with a school parent it's connected together?

Age 40 with a child in reception means you were 35/36 when you had DC and you have 3. Now I have no idea where in the country you are but where I live this is decidedly average. I was 47 when my youngest was in reception and I was not the only one!

Yeah, I had my first at 21. I was married, I owned a home…..the amount of people who assumed I was a single mum and ds was some sort of accident that ruined my life. It used to really get to me.

I was in a MUCH better financial position at 21 than I was when I had my last at 41 🤣 Age doesn’t always mean security.

Move to London. You definitely won’t be considered an old Mum there.

Yes, it is "really silly". Having your first child at 36 is not particularly unusual these days. I’d be very surprised if you’re "the oldest mum in the playground". Take it as a compliment that your new friend was surprised because she thought you looked younger than that, but ime it’s not really something most mums care about or even think about.

I am in London 😆

40 is a perfectly normal age to have children in primary school. I’m 45 and I have an 8 year old. (I’m also in the arse end of rural nowhere, not London).

She is the outlier. Late 20s is young! There is only one mum in our school in her 20s. She is a ‘trad wife’ (I’m not kidding), has 4 kids at 27, very stay at home baking bread and dressing everyone in pretty dresses. Nope. At 28, I was working in Asia, traveling around on dodgy trains, drinking beer and riding motorbikes and having the time of my life. I’m glad I wasn’t stuck at home having babies!

Blimey, if you’re an old mum, I’m a dinosaur.

Most of my friends / mum friends had kids in their mid-late 30s. Some even in their early 40s. I think it depends what circles you move in but having a child at 33 is generally considered on the young side where I’m from! Also do try and take it as a compliment that she thought you were younger! I’m turning 40 this year and have two DC under 10 and would be chuffed if someone thought it was significantly younger than I was!

I haven’t read the full thread so don’t know if I’m the oldest swinger in this town but just wanted to say I at 55 with an 8 yr old, I definitely am in our yr 3 class group (the whole school probably!)

We often giggle about the fact that I was 30 when the youngest mum for our class was born!

(we were 47 and 17 when we each had our now 8 yr olds!)

I had my first (and only) child at 38 so was an older parent. We had miscarriages and fertility issues and eventually had our DD through ivf. My closest friend from our nct group was 10 years younger then me and we just got on so well. She went on to have 2 more children, I did not as it was not possible but it made no difference to our friendship.
I wonder if maybe the comment on your age triggers a little of the pain about the challenges you faced re pregnancy as it meant you are an older mum than you’d planned. But the fact is you are a mother. And you’re not old. I’d focus on the joy of your children. It doesn’t happen for everyone. Best wishes.

I don’t think having a baby at 35 is “old”. I know people who had their first at 44!

As an ex practice nurse I once had a couple bringing in their 3 year old for his flu jab. They were both also there for it too as they were both over 65. Slightly surreal situation but these days anything is possible! You are definitely not old!

I’m the same age. My eldest is starting reception. I’m expecting there to be mums a bit younger and a bit older… in our area 36 for your first is normal. In my mum-friend group I’m 3rd youngest out of 8. We all look a similar age but have 10 year age range (35-44) I really wouldn’t think about it again!

I had my first and only child at 38 following lots of fertility issues and ivf. So I was well into my 40s in the school playground but so were many others and I would say it was a real mix of ages. I never cared about my age. I was just grateful to actually be there at all as I never thought I really would be able to be a Mum!

I would say these days it's more unusual to have a baby in your 20s. I think it was immature for this Mum to make this comment to you, but I'm sure there was no malice, so honestly you shouldn't worry about it. Enjoy the school days.