Old Mum in the playground - I'm being silly, I know

[SugarSW7]

This is really silly. I've been friendly to a new mum at the school playground. Both our kids are in reception. We get on, but I'm an old mum. She told me, this week, that I'm the most friendly of the mums. I get the impression she wants to be friends.
She said to me that when she first saw me, she didn't think I would speak to her as I seemed posh. She asked my age, I said 40. She was floored. Shocked. She did go on to day how "I look amazing for my age". I know it was meant as a compliment, but it just made me feel ancient. She's late 20s. I never wanted to be an old mum, but i didn't meet my husband til i was 29. We got married even i was 30, we had lots of miscarriages then we had 3 kids within 3 and a half years. The oldest is 7.
Its really got to me, as i was always scared of this happening - being the old mum in the playground. I'm so embarrassed.

I was a young mum but most of my mum friends were in their late 30’s, 40’s. We had great fun together when the kids were little. I wouldn’t be offended by this other mum, maybe what she said didn’t come out quite right but she clearly likes you, maybe naively she didn’t think she’d connect as much as she has with someone older than her?

I mean it could’ve been a lot worse - she could’ve said “oh sorry, you’re granny” 😅 Now THAT I would be telling you to march back down to those school gates and demand an apology 😅
Seriously though, it seems to be quite the norm for people to genuinely not accept compliments anymore - we’ve turned into a race of over thinkers, procrastinators and worrying ourselves silly about what other people think!
We all do it, over something or other that others think is really silly but important to us at that time and who knows why we do it?
I think sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break so please, take the lightheartedness from the replies here and think no more of it other than it giving you a massive boost to your ego x 💐

Yeah you’re being ridiculous! But I get it! I’m 42 and have a 7 and 4 year old. Some of the parents seem so young but many, like me, did the career thing first and here we are! Embrace it!

Don't be daft. That's not old, there must be dozens of other mums the same age.
My ds started in reception when I was 49, and I wasn't the oldest (by two months). There was only one in her 20s.

It depends on area but anyone who wants to have bought a house in our area, before they have dcs, is at least mid 30s.

My nct class mums were all 35+. So really, don't give it another thought. You are all adults.

Wowsers I'm 52 with a 10 year old😀 best thing to keep you young.

You wouldn’t even be an old mum where I live. If you are in the playground you must have had your kid at the latest at 36 or 37 if they are at nursery. That would make you utterly normal where I live. It’s perfectly normal for women in their early 40s to be having their first babies. There were several in my NCT class including me. I am now probably the oldest mum in the playground at 53 and I don’t give it a second thought.

As pp said, you are being ridiculous.

I live in a traditionally working class town and I think even here being in your early twenties would make you more unusual than someone forty. I’m forty and my oldest is nearly 5. Maybe I’m delusional but I don’t feel I stand out. Some I’m sure are my age from references they’ve given. I’d say the average age would be in the 30s rather than 20s where an age difference would be more obvious.

Was she floored because she thought you were 50? It could be worse.
Seriously she'd have to know nothing about biology to be surprised about a women in her 30's having a baby

40 would be a very average age for your second child to be in reception round here. Your young friend would definitely be the outlier not you.

Depends what area you’re in. I went to quite a few baby classes. I had my first at 27. In the posh area they looked at me like I was a teenage parent and in the less posh area some were on their second or third.

it’s easy to feel out of place, but really don’t, everyone feels insecure about something.

You’re not old! I’m 54 and my kids are 6. Lots of the mums of kids in their class are in their 40s.

In my circle, you would not be classed as an old mum at all. You have a 7 year old and you’re 40, so you had your first child at 33? That really isn’t old.

Out of my long term group of girlfriends, two had their first children at 32, second children at 34. One had her first at 34.

Im now a mum myself, he’s 9 months old. I was 36 when I had him. I’ve made friends with mums at classes/mum meet ups and my close group of four mum friends… all our babies were born last year when they were 33, 38, 40 and 43. I think it’s really normal nowadays?

It sounds like she is perhaps a bit insecure or was intimidated by you at the start - worrying you were posher than her. She possibly was clunky with her wording, but if you’re getting on well, just enjoy the friendship and don’t give being older a second thought!

When our son is at school, his dad will be in his 50's and I'll be well into my 40's.

We only feel incredibly lucky to have him after years of fertility treatment.

Honestly, I think your age at the school gates is a really silly thing to be embarrassed about.

I was the youngest mum at my daughters school, I was 34 when she started most where quite rude to me to start with but ended up with some good friends, and one of my ‘baby group’ friends was 16 when she had her eldest and is a great mum, age really shouldn’t come into it. Edited to say most where in their 40s, it was normal.

I really want expecting so many replies. What's funny is that I am in London. As a pp mentioned, uni & career means that in my social circles, I don't stand out as an "older" mum.
Where we live is right in the middle of a few areas and so it's very mixed.

I'm not the only mum of my age in my older child's class or reception, but as someone hinted at before - you don't really see the other mothers of my age group as they've dropped their kids off at breakfast club. Of the few of us that are outside reception, and who this lady has had the chance to meet, yes, I'd say I'm the oldest!

In my oldest daughter's class, there are some mums approaching their 50s, and some in their 30s, so I didn't really think about it that much then.

I agree with the majority of pps that I am being ridiculous!
Someone mentioned that I may feel as though I've lost something, and in some ways, yes.
You can't plan the timing of your life, and I love being a mum. I hope this makes sense, as I very much enjoy my little ones, so I'm not saying I wish they were older. Much younger me just visualised that I'd have a 12 year old by now or something! Hearing that comment just cemented those feelings.

Well thanks for that OP. I will be 39 at the school gates and didn't have a second thought about it until now !

So you had your children in your 30s? You're not an old mum, and even if you were who cares. The only time I take umbridge with older mums, is when they get snarky suggesting that anyone who had a child before about 38 had them young. And smugly state that they decided to focus 'on their careers first'. I have been told by a few mums in their 40s that I was so young to have had my child age 30. I find that very rude!

I am 45 with 6 and 4 year old. You are not old! Nothing to feel embarrassed about!

Where I live (south east London), any mum under 30 is the odd one out!

My sister is 50 with a three year old. She has lots of younger mum friends.

Oh, I'm sorry! I don't want to offend anyone. Read through all the comments - it's me being silly, and as you can see here many people wouldn't bat an eyelid and haven't a clue what I'm on about! 🤦‍♀️

I was 45 when my DD was born - I’d had lots of miscarriages. I always worried I would feel old. I wasn’t the oldest parent as it turned out and many of the Mums were close to my age. It didn’t matter though because I made friends with the other Mums young and older.
At the end of the day sometimes it’s about what you have in common etc. One of my closest friends was a Mum in her 20s but we shared the same sense of humour, interests etc.

My mum was 44 when she had me. I never remember being conscious of her being an "old mum", indeed she was smarter and more involved than a lot of my friends' parents. I had my third child when I was 37, and never really felt any different to any of the other school mums. The key is you all have children around the same age, which is your common link. Don't get hung up on this, go on being friendly, you might find the younger mums value your life experience 😊

In our area your age would be the normal age for a school mum . I was 40 just before my eldest started school . One of the other mums was 27 - most of the other mums didn’t really talk to her . She may have seemed immature but in reality she was just young . Life experiences help a lot when raising kids - at 40 you have more to chose from . I’m still friends with the 27 year old and my oldest is almost an adult