My mother let someone take my son to the toilet.

[Duiwjankdjen16382]

Please can i have your opinions. Recently myself and my son went to a large family meal for my Grandads birthday. I went to order food and left my 3 year old son with my mum (his nan) when I came back to the table I asked my mum where my son was. She said he needed the toilet so her male cousin took him. This is the first time that my son has met him as he lives quite far away. I was upset as to my son it was a stranger and wasn't asked my permission. My mums cousin I know, I've been to his family Get together with his wife, children and grand children over the years. But it just didn't sit right with me. My son was gone 2 mins and didny seem phased by it. My husband when I told him was also not happy. We spoke to my mum but she didn't see a problem. Am i over reacting?

No, you're not overreacting.

This is a family member of yours. If you think there is any risk or likelihood whatsoever that he is a child molester, why do you meet up with him? You said you have done so over the years.

Where was your dh? Why didn’t he take him?
I do think you are over reacting. I agree with the above poster, if you think your mum’s cousin is a risk to children then why are you not reporting your concerns?

Your mum could have easily taken him in the ladies, but as it was a male cousin, and not a complete stranger, I think it was fine in those instances.

Over reacting . Ridiculous .

He was at work..

Over reaction.

This is a relative with his own family that your DM trusted to take him to the loo. You are over reacting.

How independent is he in the toilet? If he’s a young 3 and likely to need help with clothes or wiping then it’s not fair or appropriate to foist that onto a distant relative. If he’s nearly 4, totally independent and just needed signposting plus maybe some help to reach the soap then unless there’s a backstory about this cousin then I don’t really see the issue.

Complete over reaction

if she’d waited to ask permission your son might have had an accident.

is your son still in nappies or not? If in nappies I would have taken him to the babychange if there was one, otherwise I’d have done the same.

ideally I’d have chosen a male relative you knew but in the pressure of a 3 year old saying I need the loo I might well have just grabbed the nearest bloke I knew.

Agree

It was a member of your family you both know, you’re overreacting.

I would say overreacting a little, if they were only gone a couple of minutes and your son seemed ok. To avoid something like this happening in future, you could take your DS to the toilet when you arrive at a venue, then you know you're the one taking him.

This would be fine in my family but my cousin wouldn't be a stranger to us to begin with.

Complete overreaction.

You are overreacting. It wasn't a random stranger. Your son was happy. What are you concerned about?

You are not over reacting. Tell your mum never to do that again. It’s very unlikely that your son was unsafe, but we hear so much about hiding in plain sight now. Rather naive on the male relative’s part too, your son could come out with an unlikely tale later, not maliciously of course, but we all know how kids pick up tales or get the wrong end of the stick.

Over reacting. This is a family member not Barry the weird loner at number 36.

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. Make sure she understands never to do it again. At three she can take him to the women’s loos.

When I saw the heading i thought the child had been taken to the toilet by some random stranger rather a family member that you know well.
and some people wonder why many grandparents are reluctant to provide childcare !!!

I can understand in the moment you being concerned. However he was gone for 2 minutes, so you saw he was fine within about a minute of realising that he had gone.

To then have told your husband about your mum's apparent negligence, spoken to your mum again and created a post is an overreaction.

I don't think you're overreacting. If he's only 3 your mum could've taken him to the ladies.

Not overreacting but more information needed
Why didn't she take him or get you from the bar? How long were you ordering for that it couldn't wait?

Probably harmless but of all the people at this meal why did he offer to do it? Or why did she ask him?

You’re not overreacting at all. You should have at least been asked if it was ok. People are saying ‘it’s fine, it’s a family member’ as if no family members have ever abused a child before.